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Not One Of The Most Eloquent Posts But One Of The Best

Thursday, May 3, 2018

DISCLAIMER: grammar, spelling, and punctuation, may be obliterated in this post.

It's been a long, somewhat draining, somewhat concerning, day that had some amazing moments.

I spent my day with doctors.

B/P: 120/62
HR: 72
Weight: -6 pounds

Referral to an ENT~SCORE! That means, hopefully, quelling the ocean between my ears, and perhaps ending the vertigo I've been dealing with, as well as the running eye and nose.

Referral to a Neurosurgeon~SCORE! That means spinal surgery and I wish I could have it done tomorrow.

Awesomeness all the way around!

Until she listened to my heart, then did an EKG, followed by another, "Just to double check."

After reading the EKG she said she didn't want me to worry but she was ordering a 24 hr a day monitoring system. It's called a Holter Monitor and is basically a continual EKG.

That's when I began to worry. With my husband, they knew what he has, sent him monitor....and scheduled a procedure. No big deal with his procedure, well I mean nothing like open heart surgery. They're ablating an extra pathway that causes Wolff-Parkinson-White.

I'm, in no way, implying what is wrong with me is worse than what my husband has. It just hit me that I have to wear this monitor, for who knows how long and I'm not sure what they're looking for. With him, we all know what we're dealing with and there is a fix.

When she uttered the word "monitor," it threw back to when my first son, as a newborn, had to wear a monitor for a year for a life or death situation. Thankfully that monitor saved his life.

I wasn't being rational. I was, for a split second, hearing, "life or death." That fear, buried for so many years, of possibly having my son die, flooded my being. It was as if I was again hearing the doctors tell me what was happening to my son.

In reality, if it was that serious, she would have had me in the hospital.

So cool. Off to another doctor, my psychiatrist.

This doctor has seen me through the most horrible 10 years of my life. He knows me.

We talked about the pain we endured, the journey, the divorce, the lessons, the gains, the remarriage, and the realization we belong together.

He smiled, sat back in his chair, hands behind his head, looked me directly in the eye, and he said, "I can't tell you how very happy I am that you two found your way back. I'm very, very, happy. I've never seen you so happy, so confident, so peaceful."

Yes Doctor, my husband and I went through a decade of hell on earth and made it back. Our lives couldn't be better.

"I'm really happy."


Oh My! First Session Of My Madonna Eye Lift!

Tuesday, January 23, 2018

My first of three sessions for the Madonna Eye Lift.

I filmed before and after the procedure that was done by Dr. Max Grishkevich.

Dr. Max is the founder and director of VIP MediSpa in Happy Valley, Oregon.

(After publishing this video I saw there is unintended text. My edits to say "Sorry for the shakiness. I used my phone to film," didn't save. Whoops!)

I've been going to VIP MediSpa since it opened. I've had Botox, Juvederm, Microdermabrasion, laser hair removal. The Madonna Eye Lift is my first "big" procedure I've had at VIP MediSpa.

I'll be updating throughout the entire 3 month process, especially these first few days after the procedure so you can see what happens right along with me.

VIP MediSpa's website describes the Madonna Eye Lift as this, "One thing that makes Madonna eyelift procedure at Dr. Grishkevich Max’s VIP MEDISPA stand out from traditional eye surgery is that it leaves no scars, and you can go about doing your daily chores without any restrictions. For all those who wish to make their eyes beautiful and the skin around it youthful again with the least hassle, this is the best option."

I have not been compensated for this video, or for the following ones. You will see, and hear, my unbiased thoughts, and results, of this procedure.

Please subscribe to my YouTube channel and follow my, my husband, and whomever else on our motorcycle adventures, family shenanigans, trips, and life in general.

YouTube has changed their partner terms. After being very lax with posting videos for the last couple of years, and deleting many videos of the series I had started,  I lost a significant number of subscribers and I need 1000 to continue with my partner program with YouTube. Please subscribe. If you want to browse through the videos it would be great. If you want to click the notification bell to be notified of new videos you most certainly can do that, but I'm asking for your help in keeping my Partner status with them. Thanks!!



It's Real and It's Horrible

Thursday, December 21, 2017


Something Wasn't Right

Thursday, December 14, 2017

It had been months, 7 months to be exact, since Jeff had been home.

It has been the most amazing blessing to be reunited with my best friend and soulmate.

However, something was wrong. I sensed it many times but just couldn't put my finger on it.

One day, while he was at work, I was straightening our room and looked at our bed.

I made the decision to change our sides.

That night, as I lay to his right, he put his arm around my stomach. I, in turn, was able to use my left arm to do as I always had, and that was to rub his head, scratch his beard and chest.

It felt so good, so calming, so right.

I laid down, turning on my right side, and moved back into waiting arms that enveloped me.

That was it. We were home.

His chest was on my back and his arm tightly around me pulling me closer, so close I could feel the beating of his heart and his breath on my neck.

I began running down all of the homes we've had, where our bed had been, and on which side we had slept.

Jeff had always been on the left and I on the right.

That night of discovery I fell asleep knowing we were "home," we were right.

I haven't had that "not quite right" feeling again. This is where we belong, this is perfection.


The Most Perfect Place

Sunday, November 5, 2017

In the quiet darkness of night I was lying on my right side, he on his left, his arm comfortably cradling my face

My head was tucked down, resting upon his chest as we breathed together as one

I was listening to the rhythm of his heart as he held me tightly, to himself, and away from the world

My left arm was wrapped around his bare torso, his right arm firmly around mine

With our bare skin touching, our legs intertwined, we laid motionless for what seemed an eternity

Flashes of the previous three decades filled our thoughts as we lay in the familiar fashion

It was then all became real, the peace, the solidarity, and the connection that, although tested by fire, could not be severed

During those moments the struggle of years past was known for what it was intended

Growth, self reflection, falling to our lowest to be lifted to our highest by the Grace and Glory of the One that anointed our communion now as He had so many years ago

We realized more than ever how He had led our steps, kept us safe, and gave us the wisdom to continue what He had ordained

It was then we knew the true meaning of forgiveness, love, devotion, obedience, and faith

We praise Him for allowing us to see His will and for giving us the discernment to protect our union from all that seek to destroy it

Romans 8:37-39


You Caught Me Off Guard

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

As usual my mind is going in 12 million directions. Thank you for your kind words.

So looking forward to seeing you.


What I Saw Changed My Day

Thursday, September 21, 2017

As with every morning, upon awaking, I staggered into the kitchen to grab a bit of java. As I did so this morning I noticed my husband's bible was left open so I was curious as to how he began his day.

I know he always begins with reading, but for some reason I was drawn to his choice this morning and in doing so it changed my reading pattern for the day and I am so thankful it did.

Since our God led us to reunification, please understand I refuse to attempt to sway you to my beliefs so know that is not my intention only an expression of my feelings, but since our reunification we have been met with several challenges. Some expected, some surprises, but all that has come against us with negativity we have chosen to cut from our lives for the time being.

We are in a new phase of our lives where we will no longer tolerate drama, negativity, poison, or anything that may get in the way of our much deepened relationship.  I had made that choice and was already on the path before our decision to obey to our God and reunite. Little did I know he was on the same path, same pattern of mind, before we spoke and made our mirrored thoughts solid and clear cut.

Yes, to answer your obvious question, it was unexpected (our coming full circle), and then quick once we realized what was happening.

We can see how people would/could be in shock, disbelief, or even disagreement, with what has happened. With the way we left off one would be a fool not to be skeptical. However, and that is a BIG however, there is not one person, one child, one friend, one acquaintance, that was there in the alone times, in the reality of, our private relationship, and knows all of the situations we both were facing.

That is something everyone in our lives needs to remember. Not one, but our God, knows all. Neither of us is evil, neither of us is without blame of one sort or another. We have both grown wiser, realized, and voiced, our individual weaknesses, and flaws that led to the seeming end of our relationship.

There's so much I could write regarding it all but that's not what I was compelled to write about today.

That being said, I saw my husband had been reading Proverbs 22-23. How eye opening, how affirming, how validating, pertaining to the challenges thrown at us recently.

I was blown away by one scripture that I've seen, and felt, in recent months, as I watched with a joy not easily described, play out with my husband and his son, two of our children, and our daughter in law. Proverbs 23:22-25. The mercy, grace, and love, they have shown has been a light and such an incredible support in the midst of challenges that have come our way.

One of the first passages I read brought a peace beyond understanding to my spirit as I read, Proverbs 22:3. That one scripture pretty much sums up what we've decided. My husband used to tell the children, while they were young, how the enemy waits, much as a dog, for an opening he can use to plow into our lives. You know when a dog sits at the door and cannot enter because the door is tightly shut? He would tell them that if they leave the door cracked just a bit the dog can, and will, push its way through bringing chaos and destruction and it's difficult to stop. We've made the decision to shut the doors tightly until, or even if, those that have taken advantage of the once opened cracks can grow spiritually, drop their arrogance, pride, and attempts to cause strife, in our new found life together.

A few of the scriptures that we've applied in our lives, or are watching play out, are:
Proverbs 22:10, 12, 15, 17-18, 20, 24-25. Then Proverbs 23:6-9, oh Proverbs 23:9 has been shown to be true time and time again as of late, Proverbs 23:22-25, and with what we are dealing with in a day to day battle, Proverbs 23:29-35.

Please do not take this as a rebuke, or a "see there" as many will. This is only meant to be an encouragement to my husband, and to myself, that our decisions to seal the cracks and to focus on rebuilding what God arranged 30 years ago free from ignorance, arrogance, fear, and blindness, are indeed correct.

After all, if God is great enough to extend mercy, forgiveness, and wisdom to you, is He not great enough to extend it to, and to restore us?

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