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My Old, Familiar, Friend

Sunday, June 17, 2018

It's been ages since I've written. Life's been chaotic and peaceful bound together by The Master's Hand. Coming back to this page is like meeting with that friend. You know, the one you haven't seen in a decade but pick up like you were never apart? That's how I feel here.

For so long I found comfort in my love of the craft, the movement, the flow of our written language. Arranging sentences, words, punctuation, is calming to my soul, my spirit, and to my mind that tends to get jumbled with life. Thoughts that tend to do nothing more that bounce through my brain can be put down, processed, examined, and prioritized.

The last month is a blur of events. There have been enormous blessings as in the birth of our beautiful granddaughter, hearing the excitement of my son's voice, and knowing he's totally smitten with both his wife and their first child.

There was the perfect celebration of the restoration of our marriage, and our 30th anniversary, trip that was beyond amazing. It was as if the stars were aligned and everything came together, as we believe, was God's plan. On that trip we found my husband the perfect replacement wedding ring. He lost his about 10 years ago and nothing we saw was "right," until the appointed time. The ring is a true testimony to our journey through hell and back and, to us, is yet another sign we have come full circle and are indeed in the place we were intended to be. The ring is big, bold, and beautiful. It was inspired by Ecclesiastes 4:12, "And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart."

It has a cross, an infinity sign, The Alpha, The Omega, and an onyx stone on each side of the cross that symbolize the two of us, held together by the Cross of Christ, and surrounded by The Alpha and The Omega that has held, and will hold, us together.

There have been health issues in our family that have had to be dealt with quickly, and there are more coming soon. One of my children is facing a situation that frightens this mom to the core. My husband was rushed into a life saving procedure and is doing well now.

I had double ear inner ear surgery last week that has apparently failed so I get to go through a more in depth surgery to repair that, as well as getting ready to go under the knife, and laser, of my neurosurgeon as soon as can be scheduled. To top it off we're still waiting on the results of the Holter monitor study I underwent. 

Yesterday and today I've been unusually emotional. Tears have run freely from the corners of my eyes and down the curves of my cheeks, my thoughts scattered, and sleepless nights endured. I thought it was the flurry of recent activity and the deep sadness this time of year brings.

Father's Day, my Dad's birthday, my severely mentally ill, homeless, son's birthday, the anniversary of the death of my Mom, and the birthday of our grandson in Heaven. Those are dates that seem to make this a difficult time for me personally.

Tonight, as I sat crying, for no apparent reason, it hit me that in the attempts to get me physically through until I can have the more challenging inner ear procedure done, the doctor put me on prednisone. A light bulb went off. Thank goodness it did as I felt I was coming undone. I researched the side effects because medications tend to affect me in strange ways. As I read through the literature I was finally able to understand where all this unusual concoction of emotion was actually coming from.

Although I'm sure this time of the year is affecting me, the "get you through," medication appears to be responsible for the majority of what I've been experiencing. Unfortunately prednisone is not a medication you can abruptly discontinue, it has to be tapered. Fortunately only two days remain.

It's unlike me not to read through side effects because of my strange reactions to so many in the past that greatly contributed to my erratic behavior in years gone by. I was fearful because it felt as if I was again on the brink. Which terrified me because I'm certain I'm in one of the best states of my life.

There's no drama, no negativity, no arguing, no mood swings, just peace, solidarity, and certainty in our lives these days. When the prednisone ends I know the effects will end. Then I'll get through the next two surgeries and we'll stand by our child that is facing a potential health crisis. We had to laugh at the words that were spoken after our baby's doctor's appointment yesterday, "You know what I was thinking during the exam? I know I may die, everyone dies and I'm ok with that. What was going through my mind was, 'Crap! This is going to be expensive!"

On the flip side, we've all learned that God does have us held tightly in His hands. It's all going to be just fine.



OMG! The Perfect Ring!

Wednesday, June 13, 2018


Not One Of The Most Eloquent Posts But One Of The Best

Thursday, May 3, 2018

DISCLAIMER: grammar, spelling, and punctuation, may be obliterated in this post.

It's been a long, somewhat draining, somewhat concerning, day that had some amazing moments.

I spent my day with doctors.

B/P: 120/62
HR: 72
Weight: -6 pounds

Referral to an ENT~SCORE! That means, hopefully, quelling the ocean between my ears, and perhaps ending the vertigo I've been dealing with, as well as the running eye and nose.

Referral to a Neurosurgeon~SCORE! That means spinal surgery and I wish I could have it done tomorrow.

Awesomeness all the way around!

Until she listened to my heart, then did an EKG, followed by another, "Just to double check."

After reading the EKG she said she didn't want me to worry but she was ordering a 24 hr a day monitoring system. It's called a Holter Monitor and is basically a continual EKG.

That's when I began to worry. With my husband, they knew what he has, sent him monitor....and scheduled a procedure. No big deal with his procedure, well I mean nothing like open heart surgery. They're ablating an extra pathway that causes Wolff-Parkinson-White.

I'm, in no way, implying what is wrong with me is worse than what my husband has. It just hit me that I have to wear this monitor, for who knows how long and I'm not sure what they're looking for. With him, we all know what we're dealing with and there is a fix.

When she uttered the word "monitor," it threw back to when my first son, as a newborn, had to wear a monitor for a year for a life or death situation. Thankfully that monitor saved his life.

I wasn't being rational. I was, for a split second, hearing, "life or death." That fear, buried for so many years, of possibly having my son die, flooded my being. It was as if I was again hearing the doctors tell me what was happening to my son.

In reality, if it was that serious, she would have had me in the hospital.

So cool. Off to another doctor, my psychiatrist.

This doctor has seen me through the most horrible 10 years of my life. He knows me.

We talked about the pain we endured, the journey, the divorce, the lessons, the gains, the remarriage, and the realization we belong together.

He smiled, sat back in his chair, hands behind his head, looked me directly in the eye, and he said, "I can't tell you how very happy I am that you two found your way back. I'm very, very, happy. I've never seen you so happy, so confident, so peaceful."

Yes Doctor, my husband and I went through a decade of hell on earth and made it back. Our lives couldn't be better.

"I'm really happy."


Oh My! First Session Of My Madonna Eye Lift!

Tuesday, January 23, 2018

My first of three sessions for the Madonna Eye Lift.

I filmed before and after the procedure that was done by Dr. Max Grishkevich.

Dr. Max is the founder and director of VIP MediSpa in Happy Valley, Oregon.

(After publishing this video I saw there is unintended text. My edits to say "Sorry for the shakiness. I used my phone to film," didn't save. Whoops!)

I've been going to VIP MediSpa since it opened. I've had Botox, Juvederm, Microdermabrasion, laser hair removal. The Madonna Eye Lift is my first "big" procedure I've had at VIP MediSpa.

I'll be updating throughout the entire 3 month process, especially these first few days after the procedure so you can see what happens right along with me.

VIP MediSpa's website describes the Madonna Eye Lift as this, "One thing that makes Madonna eyelift procedure at Dr. Grishkevich Max’s VIP MEDISPA stand out from traditional eye surgery is that it leaves no scars, and you can go about doing your daily chores without any restrictions. For all those who wish to make their eyes beautiful and the skin around it youthful again with the least hassle, this is the best option."

I have not been compensated for this video, or for the following ones. You will see, and hear, my unbiased thoughts, and results, of this procedure.

Please subscribe to my YouTube channel and follow my, my husband, and whomever else on our motorcycle adventures, family shenanigans, trips, and life in general.

YouTube has changed their partner terms. After being very lax with posting videos for the last couple of years, and deleting many videos of the series I had started,  I lost a significant number of subscribers and I need 1000 to continue with my partner program with YouTube. Please subscribe. If you want to browse through the videos it would be great. If you want to click the notification bell to be notified of new videos you most certainly can do that, but I'm asking for your help in keeping my Partner status with them. Thanks!!



It's Real and It's Horrible

Thursday, December 21, 2017


Something Wasn't Right

Thursday, December 14, 2017

It had been months, 7 months to be exact, since Jeff had been home.

It has been the most amazing blessing to be reunited with my best friend and soulmate.

However, something was wrong. I sensed it many times but just couldn't put my finger on it.

One day, while he was at work, I was straightening our room and looked at our bed.

I made the decision to change our sides.

That night, as I lay to his right, he put his arm around my stomach. I, in turn, was able to use my left arm to do as I always had, and that was to rub his head, scratch his beard and chest.

It felt so good, so calming, so right.

I laid down, turning on my right side, and moved back into waiting arms that enveloped me.

That was it. We were home.

His chest was on my back and his arm tightly around me pulling me closer, so close I could feel the beating of his heart and his breath on my neck.

I began running down all of the homes we've had, where our bed had been, and on which side we had slept.

Jeff had always been on the left and I on the right.

That night of discovery I fell asleep knowing we were "home," we were right.

I haven't had that "not quite right" feeling again. This is where we belong, this is perfection.


The Most Perfect Place

Sunday, November 5, 2017

In the quiet darkness of night I was lying on my right side, he on his left, his arm comfortably cradling my face

My head was tucked down, resting upon his chest as we breathed together as one

I was listening to the rhythm of his heart as he held me tightly, to himself, and away from the world

My left arm was wrapped around his bare torso, his right arm firmly around mine

With our bare skin touching, our legs intertwined, we laid motionless for what seemed an eternity

Flashes of the previous three decades filled our thoughts as we lay in the familiar fashion

It was then all became real, the peace, the solidarity, and the connection that, although tested by fire, could not be severed

During those moments the struggle of years past was known for what it was intended

Growth, self reflection, falling to our lowest to be lifted to our highest by the Grace and Glory of the One that anointed our communion now as He had so many years ago

We realized more than ever how He had led our steps, kept us safe, and gave us the wisdom to continue what He had ordained

It was then we knew the true meaning of forgiveness, love, devotion, obedience, and faith

We praise Him for allowing us to see His will and for giving us the discernment to protect our union from all that seek to destroy it

Romans 8:37-39

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