Monday, January 26, 2015
I've been unpacking boxes at the new house, beginning my new life. Last night I came across things that transported me back to the time when my children were itty-bitties.
There where head shots of when they modeled, a baggy of one of my boys hair from when I cut his pony tail (the hair tie still holds it together), I'm thinking it's Cole's hair, Michael's tap shoes, and his little slippers, the news paper from the day my oldest daughter was born, and a newspaper article of me when I was two. My glasses fogged as my eyes filled with memory packed tears.
Today, just now, I unpacked another box. The power that overtook me was more than I could handle at the moment. After I regained composure, or that of which I could muster, I was able to read important words written to me from my father on July 24, 2002.
"What if there were no tomorrow. Am I looking at the scenery with all the colors and contrast, or am I looking at the bumper in front of me and thinking, "What a jerk?" Do I wake up thinking of all the things I have to do today, or do I say, "what a nice blue sky," and after some coffee I will decide what I can do to make things right.
Wow never noticed the flowers on that hill, glad I'm here to see it. We are what we are, where we are, and nothing more.
Help if you can, back away if you can't. Worry is not a part of my vocabulary. Treasure the smile of a little one and dismiss the whine. I hope I have the time to appreciate what I've dismissed in the past.
Take it easy and enjoy the present. Teri I love you. Do what you can, dismiss what you can't. Enjoy the present. Anticipate the future. But live for today.
Those words were written when he was 64, five years before he died. How very appropriate they are for me today, at this moment, during this day.
Words of love, and advice, from my Dad are with me. I can touch them, I can read them. They are tangible, not a mere memory. It was the first time my father wrote the words, "Teri I love you." He never said those words to me while he was sober until after my mother had been killed.
My Daddy is touching me, walking with me, advising me, from the world beyond. What a treasure, what an honor, he chose to write his thoughts for me. My breathing is labored, my nose dripping, my make-up smeared. My daddy will never leave me, neither shall his words, his advice, or his love.
I also found the little leaflets, that are handed out at funeral services, for my Mother, and for my Father. The front of my Mother's pictures the flowers she loved. My Father's pictures the planes he loved, and flew. My brother wrote the words inside my Father's, in my Mother's I'm not sure.
Moving is difficult, making a new life is a challenge, and so very scary, but the words of my Father mean more to me today than I think they ever did. Did I mention my Father never wrote me anything before? I'll keep my Dad's words close, I'll remember them, and I'll hold close to my heart the message he was conveying to me that very special day, when I was on his mind.