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The Doe

Saturday, December 6, 2014

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It was from behind a fluttering veil of brightly colored fall leaves, and cedar scented needles, the trembling doe peered. She stood as still as the stones on which her cloven hooves were planted.

When the crisp fall breeze wafted, the leaves fell, and danced, allowing her large brown eyes, fringed with black, to catch glimpses of obstacles strewn before her.

Some she recognized, and a soft voice reminded her of their danger, and the destruction, which had once engulfed her. Instinctively she stepped back in the hopes any possible damage could be avoided.

She also saw elements that caught her interest. They stood apart from the others, much like shimmering stars against a black velvet sky. Some were small, but as she surveyed the horizon, through openings in the colorful curtain covering her, she saw one whose sparkle seized her interest.  It was then she wondered if she was strong enough to lower the invisible wall that had held her heart captive for far too long.

She knew there were beautiful paths beyond the brush in which she was hidden.  Perhaps the radiance of the one that seemed to be calling her to follow was safe. However, the trail that led her to where she now stood had been a mirage, which disappeared, taking her soul with it. She knew, with out doubt, she could not again travel a path sprinkled with fools’ gold, only to fall, once more, from an unseen cliff. 

There was a scrap of spirit within her that longed to follow, even though she stood gripped with fear.  The inner voice, that had reminded her of dangers past, whispered yet again. It told her she could take small steps, and at first remove one brick, if safe, more could follow. 

She was afraid to remove that first brick lest the remaining ones tumble around her, leaving her bare and vulnerable, again, to become nothing more than a trophy for a hunter in disguise.

With her remaining strength, she ventured from the darkened shroud, and followed the path, lit with what appeared as bright rays from the Heavens. She nudged the heaviest brick, the one that held the wall in place, and hoped soon she would feel safe enough to move it entirely, allowing her the freedom to remove those that remained.

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The Bipolar Diva: New Sensation

Sunday, November 30, 2014

The Bipolar Diva: New Sensation: She shut off the water of the hot, steamy shower she had taken, not only to cleanse her body, but to also aid in rid...


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New Sensation

Saturday, November 29, 2014


She shut off the water of the hot, steamy shower she had taken, not only to cleanse her body, but to also aid in ridding her soul, from layers of toxic threads that had slowly entrapped her.

In her hands she gathered her blonde hair and began to squeeze from it what she could of the remaining water she had immersed herself in.

She watched as the droplets that fell, formed streams that traced her bare body, as Newton’s Law prevailed. She imagined, willed, them to envelope, and carry with them, poisonous particles that had pierced, and bound, her spirit from wounds both past and present.

She stepped from the calming atmosphere she had luxuriated in, grabbed a thick, white, cotton, towel to wrap her still dripping hair, and another to dry the shell that embodied her essence.

As she filled her hands with her trademark scented lotion, she carefully studied the symbols on her body of broken chains. Symbols that had been permanently injected into her soft, ivory, skin. To her they not only represented the opening of a locked door, but also the key to a life yet to be explored. 

The air was heavy with steam as she cracked the door to allow a fresh breeze to fill her lungs. She removed the saturated towel from her hair, shook her head, allowing her long, blonde, tresses to fall to her waist, and cover much of her torso.

When the fog had been carried away with the light breeze, she stepped to the mirror. She gazed at the same face, partially covered with wefts of wavy, wet, hair, she had seen every day for decades, but this time noticed something different. 

There was a glimmer, a sparkle, in her auburn eyes, and a new sensation of inner growth, and within it she saw her true self. Although fearful of what was to come in much of her new life, she was certain, and committed, in other areas.

She stood there, as bare as her new-found existence, and felt the confines of the silken threads, in which she had been bound, begin to dissolve. With that she sensed, and embraced, the colorful wings she had always carried, but had never been allowed to fully open, emerging.  

Although fear’s talons still gripped her, she felt a confidence never before felt, and realized within herself she did have the capability to truly be happy. 


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Carefully Crafted

Thursday, November 20, 2014

For months now I have been advised to censor, and carefully craft, my writings.

Tonight, however, thoughts spilling from my mind shall be written and, with luck, cathartic.

Fifty two years of audio is trampling through my throbbing temples, and tears flow in the attempt to reform negative, and controlling, rhetoric into positive affirmations.

I feel divided, my inner most core tells me one thing, my mind and heart another.

How can I explain to others in a way they can understand, when I, myself, didn't know what was happening for what seemed a lifetime, was a lifetime?

Over the last few years of soul searching I thought I knew what I was running from, running to.

People through those years witnessed, and were very aware, of the situation I was facing, and why I ran. I thought I knew and repeatedly refused to listen to their words of knowledge.

They all tried to coax me to see the reality of the place, so dark, in which I had lived. I rebutted their wisdom, and ran with what I thought to be the truth.

Finally, this summer, the words they had spoken, time after time, were illuminated, and my eyes, my heart, were opened, and to myself I admitted the unthinkable.

I was surprised each, and every, time person after person approached me with the same words that others before had desperately tried to get me to embrace.

It was then I realized, I wasn't running from me, but from something entirely different. It was then my spirit lightened, and felt it could fly free. Everything made sense.

It was then I felt as though I could breathe, and be myself.

Unfortunately decades of indoctrination are difficult to throw away, even though I now admit what others had seen is true, the effects of a lifetime come in waves.

A rock had been thrown into the pond, everyone wanted to see as still, causing the water to ripple, it will take time for those effects to slow, and for the water to once again calm.

Most days I'm able to cope, to see the brightness that lies ahead, other days, like now, the shades are once again drawn, as words of unworthiness, and flashes of bruises, replay in my mind, and make me doubt the reasons for my existence.

One thing I have learned, that I've always known, is that I have a spirit that is tenacious, and a will that can overcome the darkness of the past.


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Stars

Sunday, November 16, 2014

The night was so dark, cold, and isolating.

She longed for the shivering to end, and numbness slowly set in.

Over the years only a handful knew the depth of her pain and understood her desire to flee. 

Still entrapped by the talons that brought the isolation, she had grown used to the emptiness that had taken over.

It took years for the time to come when she was able to make the initial step of taking the night and embracing it.

She surrounded her soul with its solitude and blackness.

It was then she found the isolation was warm, much like the softness of velvet, and the petals of a black rose.  

Once she was enveloped by the cozy feeling of isolation, wrapped, and comforted, she turned and saw stars shining brightly; stars that would light her path. 

It was to those shimmering beams, and the hope they brought, she was drawn.

The twinkling lights in the night, that she followed, slowly turned night into the dawn of a new day.

Her stagnant, and mildewed existence, was replaced by a fresh breeze and the brightness of her future to which the stars were calling her to.

Though she is still in the process of clipping the grip of talons that held her spirit captive for so long, she knows a bright, new, world awaits, and the tight petals of the black rose will open into beautiful colors long since extinct.

xoxo,

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Ain't No Grave

Thursday, November 13, 2014




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Shimmering Threads of Gold

Saturday, November 8, 2014

In years past, a spider carefully spun a web of shimmering threads of the most fine of fools gold. The web was captivating, engaging, and gave the appearance of safety, and solace, to unknowing souls.

Years later souls that confused the web, carefully crafted with false beauty, were drawn to the fabulously fabricated trap that would entangle not only their bodies, but minds, souls, and spirits.

The allure, the spider maliciously created, drew those whose hearts were easily swayed by the spider's charisma, and false appearance of security and stability. They knew not the intentions of their entrapment, and inevitable demise of their inner most beings, and their still forming minds.

They, themselves, were wound tightly in the web of deceit that was meant for the destruction of another.

Although the one the beauty, and falsehoods, had originally been meant for had been entwined, and held captive for years, it finally found an area, a flaw in the web, through which it could make its escape from the snarled web of destruction.

With its escape it looked back and shed tears for those still under the spell of the spider's charisma and stronghold. The freed captive wasn't actually free at all with the others that continued to be stuck in the midst of the mirage initiated for the one that had once been enslaved.

The heart of the "freed" captive remained with those that chose to remain blinded by the seductiveness of the subtle trickery of the one that sought total control over the one that got away.

There will come a day when those still entrapped will, themselves, be freed. When that day comes, the original captive will rejoice, and life will begin once more for all.


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