Thursday, May 6, 2010
At first glance those two words seem to have no logical connection. Well at least to a non-crazy, non-Diva like person. At dinner the other night my husband posed the question:
“Why Bipolar Diva?” He had that look on his face, the one I've come to realize means he thinks I'm crazy. Well, I am.
My bipolar thought “What the hell are you talking about? I am a Diva!” Now that would be the bipolar symptom of “Unrealistic, grandiose beliefs about one’s abilities or powers.”
My Diva thought “I make bipolar look good! Now pour me another glass of champagne and I’ll take a little more butter on that roll please. I don’t want to chance chipping my freshly manicured nails.” This would match one of the Urban Dictionary’s definitions: “A girl or woman with an exaggerated sense of self-importance, requiring a great deal of attention and excessive effort to maintain beauty, style and image.”
Pretty much the same theme going on there I think. It got me wondering just how alike the two words, the two parts of my personality, are. I mean, in my mind, they’re pretty damned identical. But to the ordinary human it may need some explaining.
I think my shopping addiction can wrap up several similarities in one fell swoop: (Shopping addiction, yet another symptom of both bipolar-ness and Diva-ness)
Bipolar: Talking so rapidly that others can’t keep up, racing thoughts, jumping quickly from one idea to the next.
Diva: “I’ll take these. Wait, maybe those. No, no, what about the sparkly ones? Oh, and I need lingerie to match, and shoes.”
Bipolar: Impaired judgment, and impulsiveness. Acting recklessly without thinking of the consequences.
Diva: “What the heck? I’ll take them all! What? There’s no room left on that credit card? Here, take two more. After all I have to have to have those Chanel sunglasses and the Manolos to keep up my polished Happy Valley Mom image.”
Bipolar: Feeling unusually “high” and optimistic OR extremely irritable.
Diva: “Can you please have someone carry all 19 of these beautiful, wonderfully filled shopping bags to my car?” “What do you mean I’ll have to wait a half hour for that? I want someone and I want them NOW!”
Diva: “I have absolutely nothing to wear. All that shopping for nothing! I’m going to bed for a day or two. Bring me an aspirin and a Xanex.”
See? It all makes perfect sense to me. The two are intertwined, at least in my justifying, bipolar mind. I’m really not trying to make light of Bipolar Disorder. It can be a devastating force in many of the lives of those that are affected.
I’m one of the fortunate ones; my condition is mild for the most part. Bipolar is what makes me who I am. I’m usually on the high and optimistic end of the spectrum, but the lows are all too low and extremely dark. I tend to try to write through those times. You can find a few of those writings here: Unorthodox, Calm, Sea Turtles, Not So Good. I isolate myself from everything and everyone during those dark days. You can find out more about Bipolar Disorder in this book The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide.
I was diagnosed in 2008. I’ve worked though a lot and am finally on what we believe to be the correct pharmaceutical cocktail for me. I’m determined to take control of my situation and not let it control me. That's why I wrote The Stronger Force.
There's one more Urban Dictionary definition of Diva fits here pretty well I think: “A woman who appreciates everything achieved in life's past knowing that it only adds to who they will become in life's future.”
Now where’s my credit card? I have some online shopping to do!