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Saturday, May 1, 2010

Never ask a mechanic “what are you trying to fix?”

Never wake up a parent after they have just eaten an apple

Never put a screwdriver in your back pocket and sit in the car

Do it right the first time

A 1963 Austin Healy is one hot car

How to hold a cup of coffee while riding in an Austin Healy

When someone says hold on, you better hold on

Always wear a helmet while riding motorcycles

It’s a thin line between a hero and an asshole

Never pass up a chance for a practical joke

You control the car, don’t let the car control you

All squeaks in a car will be killed

It’s ok to ask for a straw when eating oysters

If a cat crawls up under the car never use two people to get it out

Always leave people asking themselves "did that really happen ?"

Have respect for everyone and their property

If you borrow something, return it in better condition than it was in

Cats don’t like to parachute from the top of the barn

Never put a clothes pin on a cat's tail

It's not a blinker, it's a turn signal

Willie Nelson is cool

Respect everyone except for the purposely stupid or arrogant

Ponies can never be trusted

Cockroaches are Satan in bug form

If a junebug gets in your ear, hold a flashlight up to your ear canal and the bug will painfully claw his way out, but hey....he's out

It's "Hey!" NOT "Hay!"

Texas is a state of mind as is New Orleans

Oysters are fantastic!

How to shoot the legs off of a wasp with a pellet gun

How to get the wasp to be still long enough to shoot his legs off

Never strike a match near a haystack that your grandfather is standing on

If you have to share a bottle of soda with your brother, give him the top half, the bottom half has more

Road trips are a blast

Oreos and beer do not mix well digestively

Escargot feels like a cat's tongue

Never speak when a parent is on the phone, or breathe for that matter

You can set a house on fire by trying to make a hot air balloon with a blow torch and a black trash bag

You're only as good as your dog thinks you are

Fishing is not as much about catching as it is about catching up

Modulators always should be put on the head and tail lights of a motorcycle

A rolled up magazine works well as a splint in an emergency

Family is defined by those you love, not by blood

Cat hair sticks to your tongue

My dad did not like cats and liked messing with the kids

You can make a toy out of anything

Never ask a horse, "Why such a long face?"

So I said to this emu......

How to change the oil in my car

That he loved me

Learn to judge your parents' moods

Don't listen when he tells you to pinch your naked aunt

You can be more scary and unsettling by being quiet than by screaming

A great punishment will give the parents a weed-free yard

A good parent will listen

If you ever put a cat in a bag, don't let go

Do, don't try

That he loved my grandson enough to trade his life for Josiah's

And that we loved him more than he ever knew.

Compiled from lists from his kids.


Brenda Susan May 1, 2010 at 9:33 PM  

Sounds like a wonderful character! a beautiful tribute.

The Bipolar Diva May 1, 2010 at 10:14 PM  

Yes, he was pretty awesome! I miss him SO much!
It's funny how little things like that stick with us through the years.

Green-Eyed Momster May 2, 2010 at 3:15 PM  

Those are some powerful lessons.
I'm so glad my dog loves me.....

Big hugs!!

Classic NYer May 2, 2010 at 7:49 PM  

Sounds like a hell of a guy with a hell of a life.

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