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Love/Hate Relationship

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

I'm assuming that you know that I have bipolar disorder. If you didn't, read the title of my blog again.....s l o w l y. People have all kinds of ideas about what having bipolar means. Many of them are far from the truth. Here's a little about my love/hate relationship and how I see it.

Things I HATE about having bipolar:


When I get justifiably angry and the victim offending person says something like “Have you changed your meds?” or more to the point “I know that’s not really YOU talking. It’s your bipolar”. You want bipolar sucka? I’ll SHOW you bipolar!

Sitting in my psychiatrist’s office worried that she’s evaluating my body language, or if there’s some deep psychological reason that I chose one chair over another.

People have pre-conceived ideas of what bipolar is and isn’t. I’m not crazy; there are times that I just tend to experience life in Technicolor.

I used to have those same pre-conceived ideas.

Sometimes people tend to tip-toe around me like they think I’m going to go all Norman Bates on them.

I’ve been reading a lot of bipolar blogs lately. I hate how people let it define them, how they let it swallow them up. They become bipolar, not someone with bipolar.

Being on meds has REALLY put a damper on my shopping!

Looking at my watch and thinking “Was that an impulsive bipolar purchase or did I REALLY need a Rolex?” Right now I’m leaning toward needing it.

I hate knowing that it’s genetic and that two of my kids have it.

I hate the look in my kids’ eyes when they sense that there’s a low around the corner.

What I LOVE about having bipolar:

My life has never been boring.

Being diagnosed explains A LOT!

People think that I just may go all Norman Bates on them.

Exuberance!

I do tend to experience the world in Technicolor sometimes, and hi-def!

People with bipolar disorder tend to be adventurous. I’m thinking Harley here!

Creativity. One study found that as many as 60% of people with bipolar are writers.

Sometimes it’s nice to just stay in bed and watch movies and no one questions me about it.

I have a closet full of really great clothes and shoes. Did I mention that shopping is a “perk” of bipolar?

Courage! Wait a minute. Is that why I have eight kids, three dogs, three cats and a husband?

If I didn’t have the lows I could never know how great good can be.


20 comments:

Jacob Lewis May 12, 2010 at 4:19 AM  

Sorry, what was that again? I got caught up staring at the ultra-radiant technicolor picture at the top.

Bipolar! I used to think it was the next step after bi-curious and right before bi-sexual. First time I went to a psychiatrist (would you believe, last December?) they suggested I displayed symptoms of bipolar disorder. No shit.

So I visited a therapist for a few weeks; she was only there half the time and most of my appointments got canceled. They gave me zoloft which made me feel really good; I stopped taking them after my girlfriend finally dumped me. After 39 years, I'm used to handling it on my own, but at least it gave me an idea of how I could feel.

I just prefer to feel real. It is what made me the way I am today, love me or hate me. Good post!

Anonymous,  May 12, 2010 at 5:28 AM  

Morning I always read your updates and I must say u have a way with words. Who knows maybe one day you will write a book. I think of you often
Stay strong
hugs
Emily
Now I hope I can figure out how to post this It wouldn't go the 1st time do u know what I have to put when they ask for "Comment as"

Dreamwriter May 12, 2010 at 8:17 AM  

Hello! I own the Bipolar Speaks blog but have other *personal* blogs as well and under the name *Dreamwriter.*

I will add your button to my blog over at *Spiritual Expression*

I agree how others *Define* themselves or our friends and famiy define us.

Great blog!

The Bipolar Diva May 12, 2010 at 9:40 AM  

Hey Emily!

I'm not really sure what it means. It might be asking if you have a google or yahoo account that you use?

The Bipolar Diva May 12, 2010 at 9:41 AM  

Dreamwriter,

I'll look for your other site!

threecheersforchase May 12, 2010 at 4:34 PM  

I think I might be bipolar, i've been researching a lot about it and even read a couple of blogs and and facebook groups about it, and a lot of them were things i could never verbally explain, the shopping thing u just spoke of is a new 1 but guess who can relate? Lol even that makes more sense now. I've only been to a therapist 1ce and she was absolutely NO help, in the Caribbean its really hard to get ppl to take u serious about a mental issue, ur either lazy, crazy or stupid. Reading a blog like this helps a whole lot though so thank you. Btw, I am a writer (or at least trying to be) lol

The Bipolar Diva May 12, 2010 at 5:16 PM  

Any questions you have don't hesitate to ask if you want. :)

The Naked Writer May 13, 2010 at 6:43 AM  

Hey Diva, great post! It helped to shed some light on Bipolar, I used to think it was curious Polar Bears but now I know better :o)
I also wanted to let you know, I wrote a little something about you in my new post, How to successfully stalk like a pro... hope it sends some traffic your way.
Take care
www.thewritingwomb.com

Unknown Mami May 13, 2010 at 10:54 AM  

Great post!

I have Panic Disorder and my anxiety issues got really bad when I was pregnant. Things are under control now, but every once in awhile when I get into an argument with my husband, he tries to blame it on my "condition". Uh, perhaps sometimes I'm just justifiably pissed off. Just because someone is "normal" doesn't mean they are right.

The Bipolar Diva May 13, 2010 at 12:20 PM  

Thank you!

I know! It's not like when he's angry I blame it on his "Y" chromosome.

Classic NYer May 13, 2010 at 5:23 PM  

When I get justifiably angry and the victim offending person says something like “Have you changed your meds?” or more to the point “I know that’s not really YOU talking. It’s your bipolar”. You want bipolar sucka? I’ll SHOW you bipolar!

You know, they say the same thing about that time of the month. It makes me want to kill people.

I know! It's not like when he's angry I blame it on his "Y" chromosome.

If you don't start the movement, I so totally will, haha! "I know that's not really YOU talking, that's your Y chromosome."

The Bipolar Diva May 13, 2010 at 5:43 PM  

heehee....I just may have to bring it up!

Aunt of 14 May 17, 2010 at 3:24 PM  

I'm here because Unknown Mami linked you on her blog. I'm curious about your experience as a bipolar. I'm joining up!

Borderline Personality Disorder has some similar traits as bipolar. While I cannot say I completely understand, I can say I sort of get it.

The Bipolar Diva May 17, 2010 at 3:27 PM  

Thank you for coming over and welcome! Yes, I think the two do have some similarities.

KansasSunflower May 19, 2010 at 8:53 PM  

I *love* the LOVES! But being in your psychiatrist's office and overanalyzing everything was way too funny, I do the same! I love this post, and you're right, there are some "perks" of this disease. : )

I wouldn't trade our creativity and passion for anything. 60% are really writers? And also, I hate when people let it "define" them, ugh.

mama-face May 20, 2010 at 8:12 AM  

I found you through Unknown Mami, and to say that I feel a kinship is putting it mildly. I also won't say I "understand" you...because I am diagnosed bi-polar and I know nobody can understand completely. I will say that I relate to almost every point you made.

Someone (another blogger) recently asked me what it meant to be depressed; i.e., what did I have to be depressed about? Oh were it that simple. I have yet to come up with any explanation that would really sum it up. Maybe I should direct him here. As you can see...my bi-polarness shows up in my blog without me even trying.

The Bipolar Diva May 20, 2010 at 11:22 AM  

You guys are awesome! Thank you!

jamiebartley January 11, 2011 at 8:20 PM  

I am a new follower from http://jamie-bartley.blogspot.com

I am also bipolar. I have a major shopping addiction that has put my family in trouble several times. About two years ago I got so bad I had to stop working. I could not leave my home or bedroom for days. I recently had a baby and am doing ok for now but I dreaad the day it rears its ugly head. I totally can understand your blog. It is nice to know there is another out there that is ok with their diagnosis and willing to educate others. I hate it when my actions are blamed on bp all the time - sometimes my emotions are deserved.

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