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Oncologist, Hematoligist, Crapologist

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Today was the day I have waited for. It was my appointment with the oncologist and the hematologist. I was promised answers.

As usual, the nurse was the first to grace me with her presence. She mostly rattled off facts I already knew.

Nurse: "You're exactly six feet tall."

My thought: "Well no shit!" But I just looked at her wondering if she actually thought I'd gone 48 years without realizing this little tid-bit.

Nurse: "Oh my, you've lost nearly 40 pounds!"

My thought "Well at least you passed math."

Nurse: "Wow, has your blood pressure always been this low?"

Me (speaking now): "Well, why don't you clue me in to what it is and I'll tell you."

Nurse: "92/68"

Me: "Yep, that would be correct."

Nurse: "You have a fever. Did you just drink coffee?"

My thought: "Uh, the thermometer was in my EAR!"

Now I'm looking around for diplomas, certificates, anything to see where in the hell these people went to school. No diplomas, no certificates, no Kracker Jack prizes. Everywhere I looked there were cancer posters, bald, smiling people and lots of pictures of their new cancer clinic.

I began to feel that faint flutter, the one I get before a panic attack. I had Ativan with me, but they were about to take my blood. So much for that idea.

Next up was the nurse practitioner. I'm still not really sure why she was there. Double billing my insurance perhaps? She did exactly the same thing as the nurse. This appointment wasn't looking great.

She leaves promising to fetch the doctor and be right in. A little over an hour later this teenager walks through the door and introduces herself as the doctor. I am SO not believing this crap! First I had to get up at freaking FIVE in the morning to sit on a HARD mall floor to wait for a new iPhone 4. Wouldn't have been so bad if the freaking thing had actually worked properly! The barista burned the milk in my latte today, and now this! Doogie Howser-ette is my oncologist!

Then I was surprised. She took a seat right next to me and went over every single finding on each of my lab reports. She explained what they meant and what they didn't mean.

Drum roll please (blogger REALLY needs to have an easy way to add sound effects!)...............

Just by examining the labs she feels that there "appears" to be no cancer! Just when I was about to get excited she tells me that they have no idea what they're dealing with. We did, however, pretty much rule out lupus, aplastic anemia and most probably leukemia. She needed to draw more blood and examine the cells.

Nurse comes back in and draws blood. I wait five more minutes and the doctor returns. She wasn't looking as pleased and confident as she had when she left.
"It seems that your white blood cell count is the lowest yet. I need to speak with your other doctors as soon as possible."

She rattled off a few possibilities, none of which I can even remember.

Great. This day is looking better than ever......HA!

Ok, so now for some of the great things today:

  • Anna-Grace sat on my bed feeding me almonds as quickly as she could stuff them into my mouth.
  • Cole showed up for a surprise visit.
  • Gucci Mama made me laugh A LOT today!
  • I found this really cool app for my iPhone that will unlock my Mercedes and will even find it if I happen to blondly lose it in the parking lot!
  • I saw the doctor flinch just a little when she saw the fairy tattoo on the front of my hip as she examined my stomach....that's always good for a chuckle.
That's all I have for today.


Cheryl D. June 29, 2010 at 11:34 PM  

I hope everything goes okay with her talk with the other doctors. I also hope they figure out what's going on so they can start treating it.

Good luck!

Donda June 29, 2010 at 11:47 PM  

"My thought: "Uh, the thermometer was in my EAR!" <<mmmK I just laughed out loud...first blog LOL all night! Hope everything goes well with the other docs and at least you can keep your sense of humor about the thing!

Gucci Mama June 29, 2010 at 11:53 PM  

Glad I made you laugh a little. Laughter is good! I hope you get answers and help quickly! Love ya baybeh.

Allyson & Jere June 29, 2010 at 11:54 PM  

At least you have a sense of humor. SHEESH! I'm so sorry that there were still NO answers! I'll hold on to the happy thought that it will at least stay NOT CANCER. Hang in there.

Oh, and best news of all..the mercedes app. I mean really, who could ask for more?

JoJo June 30, 2010 at 12:35 AM  

Haha the great things in your day made me laugh. As for the bad things, grrrrr! what is wrong with these people in health care? This makes me mad because they're representing us nurses and making us all look bad. I sincerely hope those results come in soon giving you happy new to share with us all.
Stay strong!

Unknown June 30, 2010 at 12:49 AM  

First of all, what is the name of the app PLEASE? : )

Second of all, good news about the oncologist! And thanks for explaining it in such detail, I've always wondered what they did there. But bad news that they still don't know what's wrong! BOO!

And holy crap, you're 6' tall? : )

Keep us posted on your progress, a lot of us really care about you! *hugs*

dating diva June 30, 2010 at 7:07 AM  

Hope everything goes well with the doctors!

I'm a new follower,and I love your writing style btw.


Christy June 30, 2010 at 9:28 AM  

Always love getting one over on the docs. They can be obnoxious can't they? I'll be thinking about you. Chin up and all that jazz. I know, I'm sarcastic and it doesn't come across when writing. :)

Babes Mami June 30, 2010 at 9:32 AM  

They better get it figured out soon!

Monkey Man June 30, 2010 at 1:53 PM  

Maybe a little Eastern medicine would help. If you have no symptoms, Western med doesn't know what to treat....dolts. Good luck BPD.

The Bipolar Diva June 30, 2010 at 3:20 PM  

After reading my post again I sounded a little pissy while I was describing the visit with the nurse and all. She was really nice, but said some really dumb things. Or maybe I was just sleep deprived and a tad afraid of what was going to happen. But, seriously, the temperature comment?

ericka @ alabaster cow June 30, 2010 at 5:36 PM  

i'm hoping they figure all of this out as quickly as possible!! and you have some incredibly great things that did happen today. :)

i'm stealing that button of yours and i won't be giving it back...

Ms. Understood June 30, 2010 at 9:07 PM  

I guess it's good to hear what they don't think you have, but I know you want them to figure out what you do have. My blood pressure is always low also. Once a nurse took it and then took it again because she thought something was wrong. Last time it was 97/55. Time before than it was 92/59. You're so lucky you got your phone already. I'm gonna be checking to see when they think more phones will come in. I'm glad you had some positives in the day.

jen June 30, 2010 at 9:26 PM  

How can you live with the uncertainty?
Good luck to you. At least Doogie-ette sounds good.

Unknown June 30, 2010 at 11:51 PM  

That reminds me of the Mad Tv sketch with the 7 yr old girl doctor. That must be so frustrating, not knowing what's going on! Crazy, but we all love you! And I love that you have a fairy tattoo on your hip.

Robin July 1, 2010 at 2:14 AM  

I hope you and your doctors figure something out soon. I hope it is treatable and your life improves greatly.

Doctors have been trying to diagnose various things for me for nearly ten years with very little progress. I know how frustrating it can be.

Best of luck and God bless.

Anonymous,  July 1, 2010 at 7:03 AM  

Thinking of you. I hope you get some answers soon. xo

Love the flinch fromt he doc about the tattoo :)

Anonymous,  July 1, 2010 at 9:06 AM  

I think it sucks out loud when you're sick and have no concrete answers. I hope you get them quick and not have to wait until after the weekend...which is how it usually goes with us.
I love that you are full of the funny, even when life sort of bites.

dustinnikki July 1, 2010 at 10:50 PM  

Following from Friendly Friday! I love reading your posts.

Helena July 1, 2010 at 11:08 PM  

Wow. That nurse sounds awesome. I'm really glad she told you your height. That must have been reassuring.

I hope things turn out well.

Stopping by from New Friend Friday

W.C.Camp July 1, 2010 at 11:19 PM  

I want an Iphone Ap that finds and unlocks OTHER PEOPLE's Mercedes!!! Do you think they have an AP like that for a guy with a Daewoo? Hang in there. Sorry about the health issues. You are handling it better than most though. Keep up the humor! W.C.C.

Design It Chic July 1, 2010 at 11:37 PM  

I am following you now thanks to Friendly Friday!! It would be nice if you would share back the love here! Happy Friendly Friday!

Anonymous,  July 2, 2010 at 5:24 AM  

Damn you are 48???????????? Sheeesh I'da never guessed that 38 I woulda bought!

LOL@ your thoughts

Hope the tests come back good or they can getcha fixed up quick. Good JuJu to you!

KyAnn (like Cayenne Pepper, only HOTTER) July 2, 2010 at 5:24 AM  

Found you on Friday Follow. Great Blog! I'm your newest follower.


Debbie July 2, 2010 at 5:24 AM  

so sorry for your health issues!! I went through the 'white blood' cell count scare recently!! Hope we all hear soon that ALL is well!!!!

Anonymous,  July 2, 2010 at 5:37 AM  

Thanks so much for linking up for our Friday Blog Hop! I'm your newest follower! I hope you'll stop by and follow me back! Also I have a ton of great giveaways going on right now! :)

Kim @ Chubby Cheeks Thinks

Hungry For Living July 2, 2010 at 6:11 AM  

Happy Follow Friday! Hope you find out soon!

Lisa D July 2, 2010 at 7:06 AM  

Hello! New follower here! I hope everything goes well at the Doctors!

Have a safe and happy 4th!


I am Harriet July 2, 2010 at 7:06 AM  

Hi there.
Stopping by from Friday-Follow to say hello.
Thanks for playing.Please post our image so people know to comment and follow.
Have a great day!

Mom et al July 2, 2010 at 8:18 AM  

Hi, I'm your newest Friday Follower!

Come visit me at


Amber July 2, 2010 at 8:20 AM  

Stopping by from New Friend Fridays. LOVE your blog - so cute. I hope you get good news back. And as for the fairy tattoo, I'm sure the DR has one too, why is she flinching? ;) New follower here!

Shelby July 2, 2010 at 11:40 AM  

Just stopping by from FF I am your newest follower.

Unknown July 2, 2010 at 2:54 PM  

following you through friendly friday.

Claudya Martinez July 2, 2010 at 5:30 PM  

Sending you positive thoughts and hoping you get some answers soon.

Kimberly July 2, 2010 at 8:39 PM  

New follower leaving well wishes for you and your family!

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