Thursday, July 15, 2010
Well, if you're looking for any proper use of spelling, grammar or our English language language, I suggest you click on out now! I mean NOW!
Humor and sarcasm tonight pretty much flew out the window this morning and I haven't been able to find them again. You know me, I will hunt them down and drag them back kicking and screaming sorta like I do with some of my kids.
Anyway, I know that I usually try to convey to you the lighter side of my life. Right now I can't do that. I'm writing tonight mainly for me and for some of my bipolar peeps that may feel lost. I tend to write upbeat and sometimes I think I feel like I make other people that suffer from the disorder uncomfortable.
Remember the new med the doc put me on that I raved about? Geodon? While I still think it's fantastic, I'm really getting worried and have called in the troops. I called my psych twice today, so unlike me. Then both my husband and daughter spoke with her, Ok, now I really know that there's a problem. I even have someone that I trust and admire checking my posts for weird or any signs of me not being me. I won't link to her tonight because I don't want to her to have her "Goddess Stature" tarnished in any way because she's looking after a loon. But I love and trust her more than almost anyone. But Brat's still my girl especially of we should we both turn exclusively to the fairer sex. Brat is smokin'!
While I feel I have myself back in some ways, my outgoing-ness, friendliness, and over all feeling happy, it's began scaring me two days ago with it culminating today while I sat at Starbucks waiting for my hair appointment I realized that much more was going on. I wasn't just talking I was chattering like that damned Chatty Cathy doll that scared the hell out of me when I was a girl! Even with the batteries removed that little "BLEEP" kept talking!
That wasn't all, I was restless, I couldn't sit still, I can't read blogs, I cant even freaking spell! I began trembling, I knew I couldn't drive. My awesome doc made me find someone to come pick me up, she didn't want me driving either.
I had already taken two ativan, doc said take two more AND another Geodon then and another at dinner. I'm not really sure how much ativan I took since I could never remember if I had taken it. Well being I woke up at 8 this evening I think I pretty much missed dinner and if I know my kids at all they licked their plates clean as well as all of the containers of food! OR, the little urchins cracked open a can of (shiver) Chef Boyer Dee or however the hell you spell his stupid carb filled name. I mean why would I ever had bought my kids, 1)canned food and 2)canned food with a fat man on the label?
Back to me since we ARE talking about me. Here I am several hours later after sleeping the afternoon and most of the night away and I'm eating cheese, cracker and olive plate my kids made me and drinking a beer.
I will hope for better skies tomorrow. This med thing along with the enormous about of financial stress at work and everything else is making me restless. I think I just might crash a friends private island as long as I can bring my laptop and untraceable phone.
For those your who are wondering and I know that you are, *disclaimer* look away or exit this blog if you don't want to know what I'm about to be very blunt about* 1 , 2 , 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Too late, If you're here I guess you have to read it. I have not used a razor, nor has the idea entered my mind, it has entered others minds, but not mine. I am not suicidal, I am not anywhere near considering overdosing. So all that is good. I guess the only thing I have let to ask is it safe to take ativan, lunesta and whatever the heck that stuff is called with a Blue Moon Beer?
So the next question is, uh, was there even a first? Oh well the question is what will tomorrow look like? Guess only time will tell.