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You Want To Do WHAT To My Daughter?

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Jeff and I were doing our usual Saturday morning, unless we’re arguing, thing. We were sitting in Starbucks just talking about a situation with a very POS unethical real estate agent. Somehow one thing led to another and we began talking about an incident that occurred about 13 years ago. I have to tell you what happened back then.

Our daughter, Karli, was 14 or 15 and there was this boy that had a crush on her. The boy lived down the street from us. Jeff was living in Oregon then and the kids and I were still in Washington. This kid, I’ll call him “Joey” because, well, it’s his name, was talking to another kid named Nick. They were unknowingly within earshot of Nick’s mom.

Joey started talking about Karli and how he would like to “pork” her. The mom knew exactly what he meant and came out into the garage. She looked at Joey and said “That’s so wonderful of you wanting to take Karli to a nice ham dinner.” Boy probably looked at her like she was such an “ignorant mom.”

Well the mom told her husband and he casually dropped a few “comments” in normal conversation with the boys. The comments were along the line of what Jeff did to Karli’s last boyfriend, about Jeff’s guns, how much he lifted weights and he might have mentioned Jeff’s (imaginary) prison stint. The kid was completely scared crapless.

Jeff would come home on Friday and stay until Sunday nights. The school bus would drop the kids off at the corner and Joey had to walk in front of our house. During the week he would walk right on by with his little beret on and Fridays he’d take the cowardly LONG way around. He avoided Jeff at all costs.

We came up with this little plan for Jeff to talk to Joey. It took us awhile to find him in a situation where he could make that happen. Then one day, one glorious day, Jeff drove up and Joey was in Nick’s driveway chumming it up with Nick and Nick’s dad. Their front yard had a fence around it and Jeff pulled up across the driveway blocking any possible way out.

Joey turned white and began to back up. Jeff called out his name and said “I need to talk to you.” Jeff said he saw Joey scoping out the escape routes and there were none. Joey slowly walked toward Jeff. Nick’s dad was chuckling and later told us he thought Joey was going to pee his pants!

Joey walked up and stopped just out of arm reach of my completely muscle-bound husband. Jeff took a step forward. Joey took a step back. Jeff took two steps forward and reached out and put his hand on Joey’s visibly trembling shoulder. We all totally thought Joey was going to pass out right there.

Jeff began to speak.

“How you been doing Joey?”

“Good Sir.”

"I hear you made a comment about my daughter.” Joey’s now about to crap his pants. “You know son if you can’t respect a girl, you’ll never make it anywhere in life. If you can’t respect a girl you can’t respect yourself. You have a have a nice weekend, ok?” Jeff patted Joey on the back, turned and walked back to his truck and drove off. Joey stood there speechless, and VERY pale. He didn’t move for a few minutes. He didn’t want anyone to notice that he did wet his pants.


Karen Mortensen July 10, 2010 at 5:45 PM  

Wow. Yu guys handeled that very well. I love what Jeff said to him. Good job.

Gucci Mama July 10, 2010 at 5:47 PM  

That is AWESOME! I love everything about that story. I would kill - KILL, Diva - to have a daddy like that. Absolutely brilliant.

Holly July 10, 2010 at 5:50 PM  

LOVE IT!!! I bet that boy learned a new RESPECT for the female gender!!

Angie July 10, 2010 at 6:07 PM  

I'll have to remember that one! My daughter is 11, and since she got her little "bumps" I've been thinking about these kinds of issues alot lately....scary! I may just be polishing the shotgun as the date arrives, and comment that my husband doesn't mind going back to prison...he's never been, but is not from this town originally so maybe I can pull it off!

joanne July 10, 2010 at 6:49 PM  

Oh, I love it. Wish I would have thought to do that , or have the hubs do that, back in the day...

Ms. Understood July 10, 2010 at 6:59 PM  

Lol!!!!! I know Jeff has got to be a legend in your area.

Babes Mami July 10, 2010 at 7:02 PM  

Hahahaha I feel bad for any daughter we have!

Nolie July 10, 2010 at 8:04 PM  

OMG! That is awesome. I am glad I have a boy. I am teaching him to respect women and all that other fun stuff and don't need to worry about all the things you need to worry about with a girl.

Allyson & Jere July 10, 2010 at 8:29 PM  

That is absolutely FANTASTIC! I am so impressed with how "geniusly" and smartly you all handled that!

Unknown July 10, 2010 at 8:54 PM  

LMAO...that's great...I wonder if my hubby will do that if we have a daughter, lol.

Tree July 10, 2010 at 8:54 PM  

OMG! I would've loved to have seen his face! Poor boy wet his!

Pop Pop July 10, 2010 at 11:16 PM  

That was handled very well! Unless you were to admit having Mafia ties, this was probably the best way to do it! I had a shotgun painted white, and a sign hanging underneath, that says "For Weddings Only". It now hangs prominently in the living room at my daughters home, where there are two beautiful granddaughter of mine living. Crude, but effective, especially in the Tennessee mountains!

Snowbrush July 11, 2010 at 12:23 AM  

I would suspect that most any boy could have been Joey had he been overheard at the right time. Boys talk like that because (a) their hormones are raging, and it's hard for them to go three minutes without thinking about sex, and (b) because they want to hide their neediness and vulnerability. Scaring him might have been fun, and it might have even done some good, but I wonder if the guys involved could honestly say that they behaved differently when they were his age.

The Bipolar Diva July 11, 2010 at 12:31 AM  

You're right Snow, however I think the sometimes things that make a difference come in a calm voice from someone that's been there. Unfortunately we learn so much as we get older. This child had no direction in his life from either parent. Jeff may have said one little thing that may have stuck with him through the rest of his life.

dating diva July 11, 2010 at 7:56 AM  

Haha that sounds like something my dad would do. All guys should have to have a talking to like that from the girls father before going out.


Unknown July 11, 2010 at 8:15 AM  

Teenage boys are the worst. I'm glad your husband was able to scare the pee right out of him!

Snowbrush July 11, 2010 at 10:14 AM  

"Teenage boys are the worst."

Ha. I guess that means that the rest of us are pretty bad too, eh?

Coffee Slut July 11, 2010 at 10:44 AM  

Ahahahaha ...too funny!

I have a couple of awards for you on my blog!

Free2bMommy July 11, 2010 at 12:12 PM  

That is freaking classic! Talk about a lesson learned.


Classic NYer July 11, 2010 at 1:00 PM  

Ha! That's fucking classic! Sometimes I wish I were somebody's dad...

JoJo July 11, 2010 at 5:26 PM  

Amazing! Jeff is my hero!
Just because boys will be boys doesn't mean it's okay. That's like accepting bullying because kids will be kids. If parents gave their kids a little more direction and discipline not every teenage guy would be a jerk. Sometimes it's just the way they are, I understand the increasing hormones, the impulsive tendencies and undeveloped brain, but I still think if they're raised with manners, they're definitely more respectful with how they treat women in the future.

Hazel from Hazel Loves Design July 11, 2010 at 6:10 PM  

That is hilarious!! Love it!! That boy learnt at a young age about respect women! What a fabulous story! :) Hazel

Kimberly @ Bookmark To Blog July 12, 2010 at 7:08 AM  

Hi, I just found your blog via the blog hop. Looking forward to reading more :)

Furry Bottoms July 12, 2010 at 8:00 AM  

Haaaaaaaaaaa I love that!!!!! hehehehe I can't stop laughing!

Carrie July 12, 2010 at 9:16 AM  

I can see my husband doing JUST that when our girls are dating!! Awesome :)

Visiting from Lady Bloggers

Monkey Man July 12, 2010 at 10:20 AM  

THAT is one awesome story. I have a 17 year old daughter. Now I can't wait to use this tact.

Sey July 12, 2010 at 4:20 PM  

I love what your husband did!

Grace Adams July 13, 2010 at 4:14 AM  

Can Jeff come have a talk with some of the guys who hang around my girls?

KG July 13, 2010 at 5:12 AM  

That's fantastic and such a great way to handle it! My 10 year old was just succumbed to this type of nonsense. Some child in her fifth grade class, said he'd like to stick his know her! I was appalled and disgusted. You guys are 9 and 10 year olds? How dare you speak like that? It's disgusting! Apparently, he hears his big brother say these very things to his girl as he eavesdrops. July 14, 2010 at 12:08 PM  

I'll totally have to remember that one... my daughter is 12 and still yet to get on the whole boys aren't stupid bandwagon... but I know it's coming... stopping by from SITS

Michelle Pixie July 15, 2010 at 4:22 PM  

Bwahahahaha I am taking notes! ;-)

Outcast March 15, 2013 at 9:52 AM  

This really made me laugh Diva, funny to read somebody who thought he was being the big man being put down a peg or two, that's something I always like to hear.

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