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Black Hole of Drama

Monday, August 30, 2010

My girls and I are drama magnets. Things just seem to happen to us in our own little universes. When the four of us are together we become something more like a black hole of drama. Our drama gravitational pull becomes so massive that not even the slightest bit of the crap can escape. We become our own Schwarzschild Radius.

Our long beach weekend began well enough. Nothing major was happening in the drama solar system. We took my friend Karyn to the airport so she could return home after spending a few days with us. On the way to the airport I had an “OH SHIT!” moment that made me break out in hives and almost sent me into a panic attack. I thought I’d left my 18 pound bag of medications at home.

When we arrived at the departure area of the PDX airport I jumped from the car and tore through my Louis Vuitton suitcase searching for the myriad of medicines that keep me sane. I ripped through make-up, shoes and thongs. Clothes were flying right along with swear words. Finally I found the turkey sized zip lock baggie filled with my sanity. Ok, deep breath.

Karyn got off to her flight and we pulled in line to leave. While we were waiting race track granny zoomed by almost ripping the mirror from the side of my car. A few more words were let loose. It was then that Karli informed me that no where in the Bible does it say that “colorful” language is prohibited.

“Mom, it only says that you can’t take the Lord’s name in vain. You can say effity, effity, eff, eff, eff all you want. So don’t worry, you’re not walking the heaven/hell tight rope like Dad says you are.”

"HE SAYS WHAT?"

"Never mind Mom, you're cool."

Turns out it was good thing she shared that little nugget. It was going to be an effity, effity, eff, eff, eff kind of day. It smoothed out a little after we left the airport. We were having a normal mother-daughters type of conversation.

Me: “I’m glad I have my Ativan.”

Karli: “Mom if you wanted something to act faster than swallowing an Ativan you could try crushing a Xanex and snorting it,”

Me: “And you know this how?”

Seems I wasn’t being listened to. As Nikki was doing the two-fisted downing of coffee cake and a sausage sandwich, Karli and Michelle were arguing over grammar and snorting vicodin. They weren't actually snorting vicodin, just arguing over the proper technique.

"Don't worry Mom. We learned about it watching Intervention." I calmed....a bit.

The only thing I could think of was that I had three more hours of driving stuck in this scene.

All was right with our universe for the next few hours. Then we decided to stop by the casino. I found a machine, put in forty dollars and pressed the button. All the girls were watching when the machine hit and we won some decent money. We cashed out and went to retrieve our winnings.

I was counting the crisp hundred dollar bills when Michelle said this creepy guy was watching me. Ok, the casinos are filled with creepy guys, no big deal. Well Creepy Guy followed us through the maze of machines, down the escalator and to the bathroom. Now it was a big deal.

As I sat in the little stall reading the “please dispose of all personal protection underwear in the trash can” sign on the back of the door, and trying not to gag, I decided we need to to go to security. Evidently the girls had the same stellar idea. We left the bathroom and made a bee line to find an officer.

A few minutes later we were safely in front of security. Creepy Guy appeared to be no where in sight.

Me: “Can we have someone escort us to our car?”

Security Lady stares at me.

Me: “We just won some money and this creepy guy watched us cash out and is following us.”

Security Lady: “What does he look like?”

Me: “Well he’s creepy.”

Security Lady: “Ma’am we have a lot of creepy guys here. Can you be a little more specific?”

Michelle then described Creepy Guy and happened to spot him lurking around and pointed him out to Security Lady.

Security Lady called Security Supervisor. Security Supervisor appeared and walked us to our car. On the way he asked about Creepy Guy. Once we got near the car he told us to get in the car and leave, Creepy Guy had followed us out and had just been nabbed by Security Lady.

As we sped away I wished that I had been wearing the “personal protection underwear” that could be disposed of in the trash can. I also couldn’t help but wonder what else would be pulled into the Schwarzschild Radius of our Drama Queen universe and we still had three full days ahead of us. Effity, effity, eff, eff, eff.




32 comments:

Blossom August 30, 2010 at 11:08 PM  

I was SO hoping to hear the full story!!!!
Love the pics Diva!

Casey August 30, 2010 at 11:16 PM  

Oh my goodness, I would have been scared out of my mind to have someone following me. YIKES. Thank goodness security took care of you and him

misssrobin August 31, 2010 at 12:04 AM  

I hope you know that these pictures of you and your friends are almost too cute to be allowed. Seriously. You look like you had so much fun.

I'm so glad you followed your gut and got someone to walk you to your car. You're a wise mama.

And I absolutely love the title of this post.

Karli August 31, 2010 at 12:11 AM  

Hmmm.....you left a lot out....do I smell a sequel coming?!

Karli August 31, 2010 at 12:12 AM  

Hmmm....you left a lot out....do I smell a sequel coming?!?

W.C.Camp August 31, 2010 at 12:20 AM  

You know I feel like Deja Vu - I have lived that EXACT story, however I was the creepy guy getting detained! HA!! W.C.C.

Cheryl D. August 31, 2010 at 12:27 AM  

Well, it sounds like a great weekend overall! I hope you enjoy your winnings! Hopefully, creepy guy got to get a free night at the local jail!

Christina Jeanne August 31, 2010 at 2:37 AM  

I would be freaked out if someone was following me.

blueviolet August 31, 2010 at 2:53 AM  

It's good that someone was paying attention enough to notice Creepy Guy. That could have been bad!

crisc23 August 31, 2010 at 4:11 AM  

Creeper men suck! All the casinos around where I live are filled w/ creepers so I could understand..cool that security took ya out

Nolie August 31, 2010 at 4:40 AM  

Yikes! Creepy man sure was persistent.

Tonia @Chic Modern Vintage August 31, 2010 at 6:22 AM  

Shame on me for not coming by more often. Everything seems to work out some kind of way, you guys look fabulous!

MommyLovesStilettos August 31, 2010 at 6:48 AM  

Ohhh that's scary!!!!!

But cute pictures of all the girls :)

Babes Mami August 31, 2010 at 8:58 AM  

Drama Mama! The pictures look great though!

middle child August 31, 2010 at 11:16 AM  

Well, if you don't know how to have fun, I don't know who does!

Fuck the creepy casino guy. I would have been a wreck if I'd lost my medicine bag!!!!

Strength comes in numbers. That your numbers are all loved ones is even better. Kisses.

The Bipolar Diva August 31, 2010 at 11:22 AM  

You all are too great!

Yeah Creepy Guy was just plain dangerous I think. That's the first time in a long time I've felt threatened, at least by a stranger.

Emily August 31, 2010 at 12:07 PM  

Thank God for children with eyes like hawks, eh? Glad that story had a happy ending! Oh, and thanks for stopping by my blog today. I'm happy that I shared some inspiration with you! :)

The Green-Eyed Brat August 31, 2010 at 1:11 PM  

I'm so egotistical...I thought you were going to mention me and my one woman mini drama...

The Bipolar Diva August 31, 2010 at 1:27 PM  

Hahahaha Angela, why would you even think that?

Aunt of 14 August 31, 2010 at 2:25 PM  

Your girls are just beautiful!! I can't believe that creepy guy!!!! Ugh. I'm glad you all thought to say something to security! :)

Christy August 31, 2010 at 4:37 PM  

Had to call security once at a hotel in Memphis because of a strange person who kept showing up. Turns out he was convicted of murder a few years later. :) The moral of the story is...ALWAYS CALL SECURITY!!!

Dazee Dreamer August 31, 2010 at 5:32 PM  

oh my god. having creepy guy following you is so scary. But too bad you don't know what happened to his ass.

JoJo August 31, 2010 at 6:09 PM  

Wow you guys do seem to attract drama.

Hot families always seem to roll that way ;-).

So relieved I'm not going to hell for my "colorful" language as well!

Kevin August 31, 2010 at 7:38 PM  

Nikki has my heart now! I can seriously get down with the two-fisted eating of coffee cakes!
Then I would have worked off at least one or two of the calories by making mincemeat of Creepy Guy! Then back to the coffee cakes! Oh, I suppose I could have compared meds with you also, but just as in a battle of wits, I hate losing.
However-as an added benefit for me, I would have been able to spend time with my new found kinfolk! That would make all well in the world.

Unknown Mami August 31, 2010 at 8:00 PM  

So glad you went to security. I'm sure that guy was beyond creepy.

Cheeseboy August 31, 2010 at 9:31 PM  

Close call, Diva. Thank goodness for rent-a-cops and their quick thinking.

Is it drama that seems to follow you or just creepy people?

The Bipolar Diva August 31, 2010 at 10:50 PM  

Cheeseboy, it's both! I feel like I live in the Twilight Zone.

American in Norway September 1, 2010 at 1:52 AM  

Oh myyyy.. popping by via SITS.. gotta start reading the rest of your blog! :-)

brandy-son Zen master flash September 1, 2010 at 9:18 PM  

Wow! Gorgeous gals!

I just have to say that I love your blog header with the heels and prescription bottle. Very nice!

cornflakegirl74 September 3, 2010 at 1:45 PM  

Haven't stop by in a while but I'm glad to get a fix again :)

OMG, that's terrifying. Thank god your girls noticed and you called security. What beautiful girls you all are :)

Andrea (ace1028) September 4, 2010 at 7:46 PM  

Creepy guy sounds really creepy. Ew. But congrats on winning some extra $ and sounds like a lot of fun. So despite the scary creepy dude, you'll have some fun memories anyway!

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