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To Ambien, or not to Ambien?

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Ever since I've been on these damned "mood stabilizers" my "flowing from the fingertips" creativity has been stabilized as well and that, well that just sucks! But, I've come to realize that I can write really, I mean really well after an ambien. It unleashes the "creativity" that bipolar Divas are supposed to have. I guess it might be true, just look at my company.

There are some great people in there, but a few freaks as well.  You young people won't remember, but we that are, uh, cougar-ish in age will remember Margot Kidder unmedicated. Seems oh girl was going through peoples garbage, breaking into their homes and all kinds of funky stuff until she was "caught" and medicated. That scares me, but I have the magic combo, for me anyway, this week anyway.

So with my creativity hitting bottom, my thought processes may be following suit. I mean who, in their right mind (and mine's not so right all of the time) would take 6 kids and a dog all by themselves to the Oregon Coast for a day at the beach? I'm raising my hand, you just can't see it and if you can, I think you need some of my Geodon.

I actually thought it would be a wonderful, joy filled day playing in the sand, eating candy, and skim boarding. See originally my oldest daughters that will for the moment remain nameless were to go with us. One got a "headache" and "couldn't" go, waa-waa. The other had a "camping trip" planned and "couldn't" go. They, as it turned out this one time, were smarter than their maternal unit. They set their mom up for a sucker punch. What was that I heard? Of course you can click on those hyper-links and leave comments for them! Hey, one good turn deserves another :)

The day actually went pretty well. All the kids played and laughed. I watched and made the occasional walk to the water's edge with the baby. Then we walked the town of Cannon Beach and had to go to the candy store. That's when it hit. "I want! I want! I want!" Then it got ugly, and I had no ativan with me. It was then I clearly remembered burning the last of my car seats, torching the crib and selling the God-forsaken mini-van. I had a two hour drive home with these heathen kids. Is there a state where drinking and driving are legal? No, stop it right now Haters! I would never drink and drive, but I might give the 12 yr old a quick driving lesson, grab a bottle and ride home in a blissful haze.

I thought I'd show you some of the better moments of the day. I won't show you me duct taping Heckle and Jeckle's beaks shut on the ride home. And, yes, that IS sand Anna-Grace is eating.

My mood instantly turned when Josiah told his mommy that he "had the best day with Nana!" But by then I'd had already taken two ativan and had two Blue Moons.  Yes, I adore my grand children and most of my kids. The oldest two, well, I have to give them some thought.


Donda August 5, 2010 at 10:08 PM  

You got a snort/laugh out of that Heckel and Jeckel comment! I don't know how you took all them crumbs to the beach...I can barely take my crew to the bathroom LOL

Cheryl D. August 5, 2010 at 10:29 PM  

One kid can send me to the bottle. I don't know how you do 6!

Free2bMommy August 5, 2010 at 11:17 PM  

Cute video! I wish I knew how to edit my videos!

Looks like yall had fuuun! Ummm yeah, I cant handle trips with many peeps in the car together...all those kids talking and goofing off would make my heart beat too fast! I would have to pull my "shut the f_ck up!" card! hahaha! Kidding! Sort of!Mommy needs her quiet time...which I get rarely since I have the gorgeous Panick attack, ADHD, Diva from he...heavan! hahaha!!


W.C.Camp August 5, 2010 at 11:56 PM  

Funny Diva - "Like most of my kids" ... It seems to me you like them all quite a bit and QUITE OFTEN!!! 2 hour drive each way is too much love for one family!

The only kid in the bunch that never says much is that really hairy one - you might want to get that one a trip to the salon!


Snowbrush August 6, 2010 at 1:22 AM  

Ambien? God, babe, you should move right on up to Dalmane. When I'm in so much pain that even Demerol won't help, I take one of those suckers, and it knocks me ever so blissfully onto my butt for at least five hours before the pain wakes me up again, and i have to get an ice pack. That might not sound too good, but it sure beats 45 minutes.

The troops in the MIddle East take a lot of Ambien, and they like it because it makes them feel a bit drunk. Maybe that's why it unleashes your creativity. I never tried to write on it--or to do anything else but go to sleep--so I wouldn't know.

Holly August 6, 2010 at 1:26 AM  

Poor little Martini... OK, your daughter is pretty awesome to be so calm about the dog puking on her... Just sayin'! LOL!! Trying to visualize the puking out the window bit. Bleh!

You're pretty amazing to even ATTEMPT that!! ;D Glad you (and they) survived and that it was good in the end. Look at the adorable video you got out of it!

Got something for you on my blog for Friday. ((HUGS))

Unknown August 6, 2010 at 5:29 AM  

What a cute video, looks like a fun day

Candace August 6, 2010 at 9:41 AM  

Don't doubt the ability of a 12-year old to drive you home...they "got skills" y'know?? LOL! That way, they learn to grow up faster and we can rely on them more...see? logical! :-)

The Bipolar Diva August 6, 2010 at 11:02 AM  

Snow, I've never heard of that one. So far the ambien works for me, but I switch it out with Lunesta. I alternate months.

I'm sorry about your pain. That is a horrible situation to have to live with.

The Bipolar Diva August 6, 2010 at 11:03 AM  

Candace, I like the way you think!

Snowbrush August 6, 2010 at 11:16 AM  

" So far the ambien works for me, but I switch it out with Lunesta."

I've had both, and the problem is that they're not as strong--which, of course, isn't a problem at all if they're strong enough to work for you--and that only the regular Ambien is available in a generic. The long-lasting Ambien and the Lunesta (yes, I've had it too) cost me a ton of money in the non-generic. Dalmane is in the Valium family--as is Restoril, which is another good one. I love them both, but I use them as seldom as possible because you do build up a tolerance, and, like all such pills, you can become dependent.

Anonymous,  August 6, 2010 at 11:18 AM  

Hmmm sounds like a great time to me! Whats not to love about i want i want i want i want?

Tell Me Something Good August 6, 2010 at 12:39 PM  

LOL. What a great video. Martini looks just my like Samson. Everyone really looks like they had a great time. LOL @ the censored picture. How'd that happen?

David Stein August 6, 2010 at 3:02 PM  

Honestly, I would stay away from ambien, it has a really high chance for addiction, which could be increased by your Bipolar Disorder, trust me I know (I'm bipolar and a recovering pill addict). The more you rely on said pill, the more your mind will need to replicate the "creative" feelings, leading to addiction and other complications.

This is just my two cents. I would be very careful with ambien.


The Bipolar Diva August 6, 2010 at 3:38 PM  


Good point. That's why I alternate the ambien with other meds. Being bipolar I'm sure you know that the inability to sleep is one of the main, I guess you could say, side effects of bipolar disorder.

I'm very careful with my meds. I do take creative license with my writing. I don't write a "poor me" bipolar blog, it's more on the humorous, light side and if I think something might add to the post I'll throw it in.

All of my meds are carefully monitored by my psychiatrist.

Thank you for your concern.

pamlovesbooks August 6, 2010 at 5:45 PM  

hey i wrote a post discussing famous people and depression

but anyway, ambien is a no no for me.
can you tel li'm dringking wine?

Snowbrush August 6, 2010 at 6:12 PM  

My question is whether being bi-polar causes addiction or whether some bi-polar people just happen to also have addictive personalities.

If I'm not bi-polar, I'm not far from it, yet addiction has never been a problem for me, and I've tried everything but crack and heroin.

Beryl August 6, 2010 at 9:07 PM  


I took four sans the dog to the beach today mayself.

It was fun once we finally got there. It's the getting there that usually has felony conviction written all over it.

Admittedly, I totally turned prepubescent crack pusher on the way home stopping for over-priced ice cream. It's a small price to pay to avoid the risk of an unfortunate incarceration.


Robin August 6, 2010 at 11:47 PM  

Seriously, is there some sort of activity amnesia? Why do we always forget how rotten the last outing turned out when we are planning another one?

This is going to be so much fun. Or not, like the 658 other times we thought it would. Everything going fine until we are all in the car. Within 30 seconds one kid is yelling at the other to get out of his space. Someone is whining that they always have to sit in the back and their sister got the front on the way there so he should get it on the way home. And I'm hungry.

And on and on. Why do we never, ever learn?

The Bipolar Diva August 7, 2010 at 1:43 AM  


I think it's all in individual. I don't have an addictive personality at all. I do think that a lot of bipolar people try to self medicate, therefore becoming "addicted."

My dad was an alcoholic and an, in my opinion, undiagnosed bipolar. I know that he used alcohol to medicate himself.

I also think that some, not all, but some scream "I'm addicted" as a cop out. I think that for them saying they are addicted is easier and much less work than taking responsibility and facing reality.

I'm not saying at all that addictions aren't real, they very much are, but rather that not everyone that uses medication, sleep aids, etc. is an addict.

I can't sleep. I never knew why. It's been a life long struggle so for me Ambien, Lunesta and Seroquel aren't addictions they are an answer for one part of the bipolar puzzle. They are a treatment just as my lamictal and geodon are.

I alternate them so that my tolerance doesn't get out of control. But I guess I get offended, not by you, but by those that "assume" that since I take a myriad of medications that I'm an addict.

I'm a responsible person that is being treated by a specialist that oversees all of my medications and carefully monitors my reactions to them all.

Bottom line, I sure took a long time to get here, is that I believe that addiction has much less to do with bipolar than the individuals personality.

Cheeseboy August 7, 2010 at 8:23 AM  

Sometimes I really do wish that I could drive to the beach within an hour.

Sounds like a terrific day. I'm sure the kids loved the candy store.

Snowbrush August 7, 2010 at 11:46 AM  

"... those that "assume" that since I take a myriad of medications that I'm an addict."

I find that people who are in good health often give themselves too much credit for it. They likewise think that those with health challenges have somehow failed. They just don't know how much such things depend upon the luck of the draw.

What a new photo of yourself! You certainly don't LOOK "burned-out."

Unknown August 7, 2010 at 12:34 PM  

Thanks for that list of people with bipolar. It is liberating. I hope you have a very great week in your very big family! Take care.

brandon and jakell August 7, 2010 at 2:21 PM  

Following you from Spotlight Saturday Blog Hop. Love if you would follow me back :)

Also stop in for our Big READY for BABY Event
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Have a great day! :)

The Bipolar Diva August 7, 2010 at 3:30 PM  


You are one hundred percent spot on. Like my kid with autism, people used to think I was a bad parent because of his behavior sometimes. Give me a break, the kid has autism and it's an animal like no other. He's high functioning so it is difficult to "see" that he has a disability. I guess if he was in a wheelchair their opinion would be different.

It's the same thing as health challenges. I didn't ask to have bipolar, it was the luck of the draw as you said. It's genetic, I got it, my brothers were spared.

I'm accepting it and taking control of it and not letting it control my life.

heehee, thanks about my picture. I'm actually feeling much less burned out since I was diagnosed and since a lot of the kids have moved out. We only have four at home now. The one with autism lights me up sometimes and I find myself having to take a "time out" before I'm featured on "America's Most Wanted."

missykade August 7, 2010 at 10:13 PM  

Thank you so much for linking up to SSS!
We loved having you visit!
I am now a proud member of your blog.

Lucas's Journey with Sensory Processing Disorder

Unknown August 9, 2010 at 6:36 AM  

Ambien or no Ambien. I am contemplating that question myself these days. Love the mood stabilization, but not the interruption in sleep!

Trish Austin September 3, 2010 at 10:17 PM  

So far you're the only person I've found that has been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder II post 40. Just like me! I keep hearing about Ambien. I'll talk to my doctor. I'm on no mood stabilizer. My body rejected every one in a big way! I take Clonazepam to help me sleep. But, I've built up tolerance. Like you said, I'm not addicted...I don't want to take more.

But, I have a theory, BP II is caused by too many kids(at least wen you're in your 40's) I have an 18 year old and a 7 year old-that 7 year old and my being 45 equals more than one kid! And, then add the pets-I got em too. But, wait, you've been married a long time. I have 2 ex husbands/on 3rd marriage? Hmmm Oh, well so much for that theory.Lol great to read your blog! And, your family is just wonderful! You're a Diva. But, your also a great mother! And person.

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