Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Three years ago today my foundation crumbled. I felt like a kite that had its string cut. I was floating aimlessly not sure where, or if, I would land.
Three years ago tonight I was sitting at my dad's house getting my drink on with my brothers. I watched my sister clean the carpet. I couldn't help her, not that night. That night I spent in the arms of my brothers we were drinking and crying.
The next morning I tried to clean the carpet. I worked on it all day with the help of the others. We took turns. We took turns remembering our foundation. We took turns trying to forget what happened. We took turns trying to remember everything that happened.
The world ended for my brothers and me that day. Our grieving father had finally joined my mother. The blood was real, the blood was proof. He was happy, we were devastated. Even though we were all in our 40's we were orphans. My Dad traded his life for the life of my grandson.
Three years ago this week we had a Dixie Land goodbye party. Dad had chosen all the music and had CDs made. I spoke in front of a packed chapel. I was compelled to, for my dad. Then we laid my Dad next to my Mom. It felt right. They were together.
My brother texted me today to see how I was. I thought it was sweet for him to text. I thought he texted about all the crap that's been going on here. I blocked out the date. I didn't remember. I didn't want to remember.
I'm a terrible daughter.