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No XX Here!

Monday, September 6, 2010

Disclaimer: Ok, this is only an observation. I'm not condemning nor am I condoning anything.

After diving head first into Harley sub-culture a few years ago I had to get the gear, you know, the leathers. I wanted them mostly for the protection they offer, but I loved the fringe benefits. Most, some, a few women look great in tightly fitted chaps. And the chaps HAVE to be tightly fitted for that sexy look to allow for stretching.

The first ride out in my new found hotness gear left me with a stress fracture on my knee. I didn't know it was a stress fracture at first. It hurt, it was swollen, I had to see the doctor, yada, yada, yada.

I made a phone call to set an appointment and was told that there was only ONE doctor in the ENTIRE practice that could see me that day. It was a female doctor that I'll call Dr. XY. I was shocked, but intrigued.

I'd never seen Dr. XY before but I'd heard all of the salacious gossip about this physician. In our small town rumors and rumors of rumors spread like wildfire. Dr XY had been married for 30+ years, was an accomplished pilot, a parent and one of the founding members of the largest medical practice in our little area. Dr. XY's secret was also the topic of many "over latte" discussions.

I was sitting in the office waiting for Dr. XY to come in after I'd been x-rayed. Suddenly the door was forced open and this whirlwind of a doctor came blowing into the room. In one swift motion a short, stubby, cankled leg, with a dowdy shoe, forced up the frumpy skirt and kicked the door shut.

I tried not to stare, but it was impossible. Dr XY wore the most hideous outfit EVER created, badly applied, and over done, make-up and a terrible excuse of a wig. Yes, you see Dr. XY was bald. Dr. XY was also an XY, chromosomely speaking.

A few years before Dr XY, now you know why I picked "XY," chose to have his "his" parts removed and replaced with "her" parts. I'm not sure why his wife, as in still married, didn't give old XY a few make-up tips and a little help holding that creepy wig in place.

Back to my story. Dr. XY glared at me from the start.

XY: ::Shaking the x-rays in front of me:: "Do you have ANY idea what crashing a motorcycle at 60 mph is like?"

Me: "No, I didn't crash."

XY: "I used to work in the trauma center!" XY's twitching forehead made the wig fall a little more off center. It was then several inches longer on one side and the bangs were all tweaked out.

Bubble thought here: "Your point? Airplanes crash all the time killing multiple people in almost every instance and you still fly."

XY: eye twitching now and make-up running, "It's like falling out of a SIX STORY WINDOW!"

I just stared at this curiously dressed person that was struggling to keep the bad wig in place and the cheap mascara from running.

XY: "Why in HELL would you CHOOSE to do that?!"

I sat there in disbelief trying to decide what the heck to say.

XY: "Well, I asked you WHY you would CHOOSE to do that?!"

Me: "I guess we all make decisions that others might not make."

Dr. XY huffed, threw down the x-rays and left me sitting in the room. Dr. XY never returned.

I wonder if he/she knew I was speaking of the wig?


Nicole September 6, 2010 at 4:00 PM  

hahahahahaa. Excellent. Very divalicious.

Liz Mays September 6, 2010 at 4:03 PM  

You had me laughing with this one!

Brenda Susan September 6, 2010 at 4:41 PM  

Crazy! It is always surprising how emotional people get about other people riding bikes!!
Um, did the tightness of the leathers CAUSE the stress fracture? If so, that's a new one.

The Queen September 6, 2010 at 5:24 PM  

Since you are one of my newer finds.. I'm trying to read your back log.. wow.. you have lead a life..

I'm stumped on the blue car... is there a story behind that .. one you told here?

Crazy Brunette September 6, 2010 at 5:36 PM  

Okay... I read the story... I TOTALLY did... And I got something about a man-lady I think.

YOU ARE SO FUCKING HOT BITCH! Do not expect to post a picture of your hot ass in CHAPS and think anyone will be able to follow a story!!!

I love you hooker!

Robin September 6, 2010 at 6:11 PM  

Um, wow. Don't know what else to say. Just wow.

Jill September 6, 2010 at 6:26 PM  

Great response! What nerve to judge you and your hobbies. Seriously unprofessional.

Cheeseboy September 6, 2010 at 6:30 PM  

This story is too good to be true. Is it true? You have to be kidding. Is it true?

Cheryl D. September 6, 2010 at 6:57 PM  

Ummmm..probably thought you were talking about the sex change! LOL

Ms. Understood September 6, 2010 at 7:07 PM  

What?! How unprofessional? And bizarre. Dr. XY has issues.

Unknown September 6, 2010 at 7:11 PM  

Ha Ha HA - good for you!

HeyHO! September 6, 2010 at 7:22 PM  

Only thing I can say is people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones! Your doctor should not judge your personal decisions! glad you got a zinger in there at the end; hopefully SHE heard you!

Classic NYer September 6, 2010 at 7:31 PM  

You know, diva (and I only say this because we're friends now, although it would be true otherwise anyway) sometimes I think it would be worth it to fly to Oregon just to feel on that ass for a few. I mean, I'm not into girls, but DAMN.

Pat September 6, 2010 at 7:32 PM  

What an odd little duck! Kind of gives me the creeps to think of he/she examining you. Maybe it's a good thing she left the room. Definitely doesn't have any bedside manners, not matter what sex he/she is!

Copyboy September 6, 2010 at 8:03 PM  

Is Dr. XY under my insurance as well? Definitely LMAO'd on this one.

Mimi September 6, 2010 at 8:11 PM  

I don't know how you kept from bursting out laughing!!

Rob-bear September 6, 2010 at 8:28 PM  

Wow! That doctor is peculiar.

But even more peculiar, "The first ride out in my new found gear left me with a stress fracture on my knee." You're telling us your clothing gave you a stress fracture? Will you explain that to us, please?

Confession: My knowledge of biking ends with being able to tell the difference between a Harley and a Honda. And knowing that the Hell's Angels club house is just a few of blocks from our home.

Donda September 6, 2010 at 8:39 PM  


Dazee Dreamer September 6, 2010 at 8:54 PM  

Dr XY should just embrace his/her baldness. :)

Dazee Dreamer September 6, 2010 at 8:55 PM  

Dr XY should just embrace his/her baldness. :)

JoJo September 6, 2010 at 9:07 PM  

OKay you officially have the shadiest doctors!!

And you go girl for speaking up like that. No doctor should ever speak to you like that even if its a SheMan or whatever!

W.C.Camp September 6, 2010 at 11:51 PM  

Maybe you should have loaned her/ him some FRINGE so he could have a degree of hotness - then she / he / it would UNDERSTAND! W.C.C.

Furry Bottoms September 7, 2010 at 7:34 AM  

OMG! I wouldn't have been able to stop from laughing!!!

Unknown September 7, 2010 at 7:40 AM  

This was funny. I don't understand how this person could judge you for riding bikes. I think the comment you made was very good considering.

Holly September 7, 2010 at 8:32 AM  


Diva (in Demand) September 7, 2010 at 8:33 AM  

You are so lucky I work from home cause I just screamed at the computer screen! LOL

Monkey Man September 7, 2010 at 9:46 AM  

Time to look for a new doc. He/she can't even decide what it is.

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings September 7, 2010 at 10:29 AM  

I'm not sure I could take a transgendered doctor seriously. Also, I wouldn't know whether to be turned on or turned off when he/she gave me the cough test.

Maybe I'm overthinking it, though.

The Bipolar Diva September 7, 2010 at 10:44 AM  

You all have made me laugh SO hard reading your comments about Dr. XY. It was quite the experience. If I wasn't afraid of retribution I'd post the pic from the doc's website. But that would be just plain mean.

brandy-son Zen master flash September 7, 2010 at 11:51 AM  

LMAO! It has to be true, you can't make that shiz up.

Sandra September 7, 2010 at 1:28 PM  

Nope. Me thinks Dr.XY had no effin clue what you were alluding to...and really, how do you concentrate on your injury after a sight like that?

Rachel Cotterill September 7, 2010 at 1:32 PM  

Did someone else come and see to your xrays????

Christy September 7, 2010 at 1:45 PM  

What I really hate is when you meet someone and you can't tell which gender they are. Do you address them as Ma'am or Sir? Always a concern.

The Bipolar Diva September 7, 2010 at 3:45 PM  

Rachel, yeah, lol, a tech came in and told me it was a stress fracture and gave me a leg brace. I've never been back! heehee

Tricia September 7, 2010 at 4:39 PM  

Everyone has commented every thought I had about the situation. So, I'm left commentless?

The Bipolar Diva September 7, 2010 at 4:44 PM  

No, Trish, lol, you're not commentless :)

Papa K September 7, 2010 at 8:50 PM  

I'd probably get breasts if I was going to get anything. But they'd be for my own enjoyment. Now... get a knife near my man parts and you're gonna get your face caved in.

Anonymous,  September 10, 2010 at 1:00 PM  

Haha, to have been a fly on that wall!

Mice Aliling September 10, 2010 at 4:23 PM  

You are my morning laugh! Motorcycle Momma!

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