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Stilettos Can Be A Girls Best Friend

Saturday, September 11, 2010

It began well, perfect hair, perfect make-up and this super hot dress. We had reservations at Morton's Steakhouse in Portland.

We pulled up to the valet. He seemed like a nice young man and was well mannered and polite. I always go for the valet parking, not just because I spent a heck of a lot of money on my car, but because I love it. It's not going to sit in a lot so some moron can ding the door or so a drunken bum can pee on it.

I should have caught a clue when the valet didn't open my door. Whatever. I was ready to chill with a few Tanqueray 10 and tonics with a twist of lime and some Oysters Rockefeller. It was a night I'd been waiting for all week, no kids, great food and fantastic ambiance.

The evening was going very well until a couple brought a in a baby. Seriously, who in the hell takes a baby to Morton's, a screaming baby at that? Oh well, bring me another Tanq 10 and tonic and the screaming baby would fade into the background and I wouldn't end up telling the mentally challenged parents what idiots they were. Take the screamer to McDonalds for heaven's sake!

After enjoying a 3 hour dinner with T&T in hand, Filet Oskar and Creme Brulee it was time to call it a night. We went to retrieve my car. It was the perfect Portland evening and would have been an incredible walk the city night, that would be if I could walk after all the premium gin. The answer to that would be a big NO.

The valet promptly brought my car and opened my door so my friend could pour me in. Kid was on top of it now. Or at least I thought he was until he SLAMMED the door on my Mercedes! BIG pet peeve of mine thanks to my Dad. We grew up hearing "It's not an American car. You don't have to slam the door."

We also learned that if we slammed the car door, or any door for that matter, it must mean that we needed practice in learning to properly close a door. We would have to correctly close the door 30 times, one screw up and we had to start all over. My brothers are reading this now and nodding their heads in agreement.

My friend must have seen veins popping in my forehead. Just as I was reaching for my right stiletto to beat the valet to death my friend grabbed my twitching arm and demanded something he NEVER demands.

"Take two Xanex and take them now!" He then sped away.

So what you say? Dude only slammed the car door. WRONG! He violated my car! Here it is an hour and a half since we left and I'm contemplating getting in my car and taking my right stiletto back downtown!

Oh, and then get this. I walk in the house still pissed about the valet. My son looks at me and says

"Mom did you wear your hair like that tonight?"

I calmed down a bit feeling all that and said "Yes, why?"

"You look like you have guinea pig hair." Where the hell is my left stiletto?


Cheryl D. September 11, 2010 at 12:09 AM  

Ah, are you going to let a little door slamming and crying baby ruin what sounds like a fabulous meal? You had creme brulee for pete's sake! You had a great buzz going from your drinks! Enjoy!

Bubble though: damn, I gotta go out for a good meal one of these days! LOL

The Bipolar Diva September 11, 2010 at 12:15 AM  

Nah Cheryl, it really was an incredible evening! Just a couple of things made it more

Debbie September 11, 2010 at 6:27 AM  

I laughed out loud!!!!! Sorry!!:) It sounds like a very nice evening if you leave out the valet and the son...!!!

Dazee Dreamer September 11, 2010 at 6:27 AM  

hahahaha. your son is lucky you didn't take out all your stilleto anger on him. omg your post made me laugh.

Debbie September 11, 2010 at 6:27 AM  

I laughed out loud!!!!! Sorry!!:) It sounds like a very nice evening if you leave out the valet and the son...!!!

Becky September 11, 2010 at 7:19 AM  

Honey, they are boys, the valet and your son. Don't ruin a perfectly good stiletto on their heads. They don't know any better. Of course they *should* know better, but obviously they don't.
Use a brick instead. Does more damage, hammers home the point, and saves the stilettos.

Gucci Mama September 11, 2010 at 7:30 AM  

I heard the same thing about car doors growing up. I hate it when people slam anything. Drives me insane. I would have stilettoed him too. Sheesh.

W.C.Camp September 11, 2010 at 7:45 AM  

Yeah if you got the shoes for the job you might as well use them! The only thing is, after the irritant is gone, it is time to move on. You had a nice evening so CHERISH that part and forget the goofs that "TRY" to mess it up! W.C.C.

Michele September 11, 2010 at 7:55 AM  

Sounds like a wonderful evening despite the annoyances. I'm right there with you, though, would've been hard to resist pulling off my stiletto!

Rob-bear September 11, 2010 at 8:13 AM  

That was an "interesting" evening, if ever there were one. At least you didn't get mugged or assaulted. And you had a good time, except for a few "distractions."

Pat September 11, 2010 at 8:29 AM  

So did you tip the guy?

Yeah - I gotta tip for ya - Don't slam the f**king door!

Monkey Man September 11, 2010 at 10:39 AM  

Jeff was right. Take a breath.

Papa K September 11, 2010 at 2:35 PM  

Good to know about the slamming doors thing. I didn't know that was a pet peeve for some people.

The Bipolar Diva September 11, 2010 at 2:47 PM  


Oh yes, thanks to my dad. He instilled all kinds of pet peeves in my brothers and me. I really should do a post on those!

Trish September 11, 2010 at 5:47 PM  

I hate it when people slam doors, but can't blame parents-damn ;) It's from slamming my thumb in my car door! At least you can get a good buzz goin!

Shit, I don't know if I love you or hate you. Lol

middle child September 11, 2010 at 10:39 PM  

Dammit! You almost killed me! I was doing just fine, amused and enjoying this post until I got to the last line. I laughed 'till I choked and coughed and choked. Give that kid a hug for me, will ya? Hell, give yourself a hug too.

Crazy Brunette September 13, 2010 at 7:23 AM  

Oh no...

Im sorry... son's line= CLASSIC...

Bet you looked gorgeous though. Ooooh my Daddy... SHIT, if you slammed the door. You were DONE.

Brenda Susan September 13, 2010 at 3:46 PM  

OK I think the hair comment deserves a sharp stiletto more than the valet!

Brenda Rothman (Mama Be Good) September 13, 2010 at 5:13 PM  

Oh, my heavens! Do not ruin the shoe, whatever you do! Now I need a Xanax!

Mice Aliling September 13, 2010 at 7:39 PM  

My car or not, I don't like it when people slam their car doors. It's just rude.

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