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Herding Cats

Friday, November 5, 2010

Most of you know I’ve raised 8 kids and have had numerous foster kids. You’d think that having three of my grandkids for several days would be no big deal right? That would be a big fat HA!

I’m here to tell you that it’s like herding cats and at 48 I’m too damn old to herd cats.

Anna-Grace is 2. That means there are a lot of words that don’t mean “yes” she loves to spit out at full volume. The kid is adorable with her halo of dark brown curls and ever present smile. It’s a damn good thing because I would have posted her on Craigslist by now.

Josiah is 4 and that means he likes to ask LOTS of questions, fight with his sister and refuse to take naps.

Jakob is 10 and is usually a lot of help. Without him I would bought a one way ticket to Brazil and said “hasta la vista” to the entire bunch.

Today I must not have taken my anti-psychotics. That’s the only thing I can think of. I had to have been in a full blown psychotic state to even consider taking all three kids to Starbucks and then to the mall.

The morning started off with me trying to find the right car seat for Anna-Grace. It's not as if we only have one car seat like normal families, we have a bazillion. That alone took around 45 minutes to find one and secure the freaking thing into my car. Then I had to look through every car we own to find Josiah’s booster seat. Finally we get packed into my car and it’s “stop kicking the back of my seat, let go of your sister’s hair, quit poking your brother’s eye with Barbies feet!”

We made it to Starbucks and it took 20 minutes to get the kids out of the car. Starbucks was ok, meaning we made it out with minimal damage. Then for the psychotic part, I drove to the mall.

Half way through our escapade Jakob looked at me and said “You’re too old for this aren’t you?” Don’t even ask what the hand-shaped red mark is on his face. It’s a birthmark I tell you!

Now we’re home. Demon-monkey girl is sleeping, howling-hyena boy is playing with his sister’s Barbies and Jake is playing his gameboy.

Me? Well I’m sitting here with a half empty bottle of Tanqueray waiting for their grandfather to get home and take over.

Jake was right. I am too old for this.


Unknown November 5, 2010 at 4:12 PM  

That was great - still smiling! I can't wait to have grandkids. I have granddogs - DOGS! I even sat my kids down and gave them "the talk" they know how things work. I get dogs.

Anonymous,  November 5, 2010 at 4:18 PM  

I bet you're the coolest grandma ever!

Dazee Dreamer November 5, 2010 at 4:29 PM  

grandkids are the best, but by darn, they freaking wear me out!!

JoJo November 5, 2010 at 4:40 PM  

Look and you supergrandma. And those kids are adorable!!

Ashley@LearningLifeAsLucy November 5, 2010 at 4:51 PM  

I just have to say it's amazing about all the kids you adopted. I was a foster kid and my first foster family [who actually wasn't my last but who is the only family i keep in touch with] is just like real family to me. They have blessed me with two sisters and a little brother [which they adopted]. Foster care was an awful experience for me and it's great that even with your trials in life you were able to love those kids like your own. Just want to say thanks =]

Monkey Man November 5, 2010 at 4:51 PM  

At some point we are DESERVING of being too old to have to deal with that sh**. It's OK to feel that way. Not that you have to be told that fact...just consider it reassurance.

Diva (in Demand) November 5, 2010 at 5:10 PM  

Can I curse here? That was the funniest shit I've ever read in my life. LOLOLOLOLOL

Christy November 5, 2010 at 5:30 PM  

It looks like you had fun though so herding cats must be fun. If I liked cats I might try it. Nah, I think I would probably sneeze my head off.

Unknown November 5, 2010 at 5:55 PM  

Be careful on Craigslist - some people try to return shit. Just sayin'...

Nolie November 5, 2010 at 6:05 PM  

Just remember one thing. The best part of grandkids is you get to send them home eventually. They do not live with you forever. Now want to take my kid for a few days?

Furry Bottoms November 5, 2010 at 8:31 PM  

I was startled by the intensity of your eyes in these pictures. I am not sure why-- I felt like I was seeing you for the first time, and we know that's not true. I've seen countless pictures of you before, right?

I'm not a Gma, but I am an aunt of many kids and I do know how exhausting it can get! One kid zooms in one direction, the other kid in a different direction and it's like "stay, dammit!"

You're alive and well. You must have done something right! ;-)

Cheryl D. November 5, 2010 at 11:34 PM  

They are so darn cute though!

I'm just a few years behind you and am going through this for the first time. Age really does make a difference!

Unknown November 6, 2010 at 3:54 AM  

Here, Honey, let me take Mr Inquisitive Josiah off your hands. He's adorable and looks like he'd be a hoot and a holler to have around. I'd have a blast spending the day with him. Send him right over...

Joann Mannix November 6, 2010 at 5:15 AM  

I'm taking a morning break from these revisions because my brain is a-hurting and I'm visiting some of my favorite folks here in blogland.

First of all, those babies are just beeyoootiful. But I'd be the same way. Except I'd be pouring the wine, waiting for Grandpa to take over. That is, if we had grandbabies. Hopefully, that won't be for a while.

And completely off track here, Diva, but your new profile picture is gorgeous. Since we are almost the same age, I have to ask, what's your secret? You look so stunning all the time. Do you have a little vial of water from the Fountain of Youth and if so, can you share it with me?

The Queen November 6, 2010 at 5:30 AM  

I know the feeling girlfriend. I only have one grand daughter and there are times I'm so exhausted after watching her for a few hours that I can't even think..

That is why God makes us so we STOP having kids at a certain age..

If it were not for menopause,, there would be a lot of visits to the creek with a sack!

MarkD60 November 6, 2010 at 5:35 AM  

I know everything about kids, since I don't have any. If you need any advice, feel free to ask!
I used to know everything about relationships too, till I got married.

Rob-bear November 6, 2010 at 5:46 AM  

I've recently heard that REAL Divas don't "do" children or grandchildren. That's why there are nannies.

Care to comment?

Mimi November 6, 2010 at 7:50 AM  

While part of me can't wait to have grandkids, I hope it doesn't happen for a really long time, since JD is 18 & Jack is 15, lol!

Hugs & love,

The Bipolar Diva November 6, 2010 at 1:20 PM  

Rob~ if I had these kids full time there would be a nanny, no questions!

The Bipolar Diva November 6, 2010 at 1:36 PM  

Ms. Batman

Little Josiah is an amazing little thing. Without his sister he's an angel! But today I'll gladly package him up. Be watching for the Fed Ex truck!

Brenda Susan November 6, 2010 at 2:52 PM  

Haha! Great post! Sounds exhausting but fun! 48? I'm 55 and no view of grandkids so far! They will probably be pushing my wheelchair or something fun like that! Enjoy!

Amber November 6, 2010 at 3:38 PM  

Hahaha, it definitely must've been a day you forgot your meds! ;)

They are all so precious though!

Grace Adams November 8, 2010 at 1:45 PM  

Ha! "You're too old for this." I love it.

I get terrified when my sister asks me to babysit her kids. I tell her all the time that I'm out of "kid shape" since I don't do it on a daily basis any longer.

You were either brave or really, really dumb for taking them to the mall, though!

The Green-Eyed Brat November 10, 2010 at 11:54 PM  

Josiah alone is work...I'll never forget him drinking the 2 liter of soda while feeding the dog how many loaves of bread....heh heh...he does the funniest things!

Anonymous,  October 22, 2012 at 7:07 PM  

hahahahahahah ;)

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