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A Rare Diva Rant

Saturday, November 20, 2010

I rarely publish my rants but I'm a tad, well a lot, pissed off about a couple of things. Some of you know that I took my 12 year old to the pediatrician yesterday for a check up and vaccinations.

First of all let me say that I LOVE the kids' pediatrician. She's not only their doctor, she's our friend. She walked us through Isaiah dying and when she got the call that we lost him, she was at our house in less than five minutes. She stayed with us for hours that terrible night. We've been friends ever since.

I also should say that she's part of a practice that includes a number of doctors, so in no way am I coming against her.

When I checked my 12 year old son in at the front desk yesterday he was handed a "private" paper. I was told that he was to fill it out without parental input. RED FLAG!

I took the paper from him and read through the entire thing. While some of it was innocuous, the rest was none of their business in my very strong opinion.

I was a foster parent for years. I know how the State works. I know what doctors are required to report to the State and I certainly know what belongs between parents and children. I also am smart enough to know if my child needs a counselor. I've seen the State abuse their power. I've seen doctors, not ours, abuse their power.

I tried to find the form online and was unsuccessful. So this is from memory.

"Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?" This matters why?
"Do your parents argue?" Whose parents don't?
"Are you afraid of your parents?" I certainly hope to an extent they are. It's called respect, not fear.
"Do your parents listen to you?" Preteens never think their parents listen.
"What form of discipline is used in your home?" None of your freaking business. Does my kid have the tell tale signs of abuse? NO.
"How do you feel about sex?" Again, preteen here.
"Who lives in your home?" Why?
"Do your parents have guns?" Have you heard of the 2nd amendment?
"Where do they keep them if they do?" I keep mine loaded on the kitchen table in full reach of all of the kids and grand kids. Come on!
"How often do you stay home from school?" Again none of your business.

There were other questions that are escaping my memory. Most of the paper I marked a line through and wrote "PERSONAL" across it.

This form was put out by the American Medical Association. While I realize there are irresponsible, and abusive, parents that children need protection from, I also realize that doctors, and schools, are trained to notice this and take appropriate action. They are, as I was being a foster parent, called "mandatory reporters." I have no problem with that.

In my opinion this questionnaire crossed the line. I am not a sheep. I'm not going to blindly do something because someone "in authority" tells me to, especially when it comes to my kids. I'm not going to divulge information that is none of their  business. I will not let organizations or the government get into every part of my life and the lives of my children.

If you see my kid with a hand shaped bruise across his face turn my ass in. If you see that my child is obviously malnourished and there's not a medical reason for it, turn my ass in. If you see that my kid jumps when a hand is raised, or is obviously afraid of me, turn me in. But don't ask leading questions, don't go on a fishing expedition and do not get into our personal business.

I think this post is long enough. I know that some of you will disagree with me and that's fine. These are my opinions.

I'll save the other rant for tomorrow. I'm taking the weekend off from Mary. She'll be back on Monday.

Also if you're going to chew my ass out for my opinions, respectfully chew please. I moderate comments and if you're a jerk I'll take Gucci Mama's lead and post your comment in a new post and tear it apart.



SB November 20, 2010 at 3:21 PM  

i agree!! i think they tend to be too damn nosey and as you said fish way too much.

The Queen November 20, 2010 at 3:31 PM  

I agree. now.. get your ass back on the bus.. we're moving out!

Christy November 20, 2010 at 3:55 PM  

What would make them think that you aren't going to look at something they gave your 12 year old? I always did because I was the one responsible for them. If they haven't seen any signs of abuse before this point, that should not even have been a concern.

I hope they think twice before they do that again. I'm sure you took care of that for the rest of the poor parents out there who are completely freaked out. They need to take stock of who they are looking at.

Brenda Susan November 20, 2010 at 4:08 PM  

I agree with your anger. That is just wrong!
I suppose it could make sense for the times they see a red flag about a kid, but what an awkward thing for the poor kid either way.

Empty Nester November 20, 2010 at 5:17 PM  

I know I would have been totally pissed. Followed by walking out. WTH?

Anonymous,  November 20, 2010 at 5:17 PM  

Ha! I struggle to get our DSS to take cases where there are legitimate abuse situations and they're out looking to make life difficult for the average non-abusive parent? Really? Good grief!

Rob-bear November 20, 2010 at 5:31 PM  

Since your 12 year old is a minor, you have every right to authorize any kind of medical activity/treatment on your child. The idea is to protect children, from doctors. For the medical practice to act or suggest otherwise, is just plain wrong!

They can ask for the child to fill it in, but you have the right to look at what he wrote, and basically censor it. Your pro-active work with your son is entirely legal, and ethical, and smart.

Well done, Diva!

Gucci Mama November 20, 2010 at 5:41 PM  

I almost hope someone gets snippy so I can see you take them down.

That little questionnaire is astoundingly ridiculous, and I would have been pissed too if I were you.

You handled it perfectly. Obviously.

The Reckmonster November 20, 2010 at 6:09 PM  

I am technically one of those "mandated reporters" and I CANNOT BELIEVE that your pediatrician's office gave that sheet to your child to fill out!! That is flat out WHACK! I understand the genuine "need" to protect children as a concept, but for REAL - that form you described is just a barrel of TNT waiting to explode! Can you just imagine what some pissed of 13 year old will write in a fit of adolescent anger to "get back" at their parents, without even understanding the full ramifications of their actions? EEEEEGADS! That just sent a shiver down my spine! I think you have every right to be pissed. I suppose they're just lucky you didn't raise holy hell - I totally would have!

Skepticat November 20, 2010 at 7:07 PM  

I agree that this sounds way too intrusive. Did anyone give you grief for marking out things on the form or for turning it in incomplete? Would they have denied you service if you had not allowed your child to respond?

Unknown November 20, 2010 at 7:16 PM  

Everyone from doctors to government agencies keep trying to take responsibility away from parents. I'm so glad you rebelled.

Anonymous,  November 20, 2010 at 7:33 PM  

Unbelievable!!! I'm so glad you set them straight! If any of my children get a questionnaire like that, you can bet the staff will get an earful!

The Bipolar Diva November 20, 2010 at 7:44 PM  

All of you rock! I forgot another question that was on there, for a 12 yr old, was "Do you think your family needs counseling?" I get angry all over again just thinking about it!

Rob-bear November 20, 2010 at 8:47 PM  

Think your family needs counselling? Asking a 12 year old?

Those people should be put in padded cells.

Dazee Dreamer November 20, 2010 at 9:06 PM  

I agree 150% with you. That just pisses me off in a ton of ways.

Monkey Man November 20, 2010 at 9:17 PM  

You are absolutely right on about this. I would rip my child's physician a new one if they handed that form to one of my kids.

Sarahf November 21, 2010 at 12:09 AM  

I guess they were trying to do a good thing, but in totally the wrong way. How about a good old fashioned conversation if they have any concerns?

Nicole November 21, 2010 at 7:42 AM  

Wait a minute - what are they doing with this information? Red Flag for certain. As a former TV news Producer - that's a story. Seriously. You should call your local TV station and tell them about this. It is something more parents need to be aware of.

Odd.. glad you had the balls to say "No Way."

Mimi November 21, 2010 at 3:38 PM  

That is WAY beyond appropriate. I wonder if they ask leading questions during an exam if mom or dad aren't there.


collettakay November 21, 2010 at 6:29 PM  

What parent would let their child fill out a "personal" form without checking out what it was all about first.

Just crazy!

As far as I'm concerned at that age nothing is "personal".

Holly November 21, 2010 at 6:42 PM  

WHOA!! Is this an OFFICE thing or a new government thing implemented? If it's the OFFICE, I'd talk to the friend Dr about how they're going to lose patients for the way they're handling things. If it's gov... They can take their freakin' change and SHOVE it! I'm with YOU, Sistah!

Furry Bottoms November 22, 2010 at 10:43 AM  

I would have asked my doctor why this was necessary! Because to me, it does cross a clear boundary. It creates a wall between parent and child. Like trying to get the kid to tell the dr something they would never tell their parents. Why?!

And they CAN use that form against you. Not all kids understand those kind of questions and they may answer in a way that only makes sense to them and their own family, and it would be looked at way differently by outsiders? Am I right?

This pisses me off. You're not alone in that. How dare they try to give my child something I might not approve of?!

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