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Before You Pack Those Bags....

Sunday, January 30, 2011

This is a re-post that I thought I needed to read over again. You see I'm leaving for Hawaii on Wednesday and I had to remind myself of what needed to be done before I leave and after I come home. Wolves,  kids, I tell ya, they're around every corner with their bags of tricks.



Raising a pack of wolves big family has taught me what to do before, and after, parental vacations. I feel it's my obligation to pass along these handy tips, all gathered by personal experience, to parents everywhere considering a getaway.



Before leaving:
Always inform neighbors and give them written permission to call police. Drop hints of this in casual conversation with kids.

Supply neighbors with binoculars and/or telescopes. 

Count number of children and pets before leaving.

Note mileage, gas level and radio station of the parental vehicles.

Always take note of the amount of garbage (and recycle) in the outside can(s) before leaving and upon return. If there’s less when you return you can be certain that someone has some 'splainin' to do.

Give kids your itinerary showing you'll return one day later than you actually will.

Be sure to leave emergency money/credit card and check receipts against change/statements.

Hide all duct tape and rope.

If the bedspread, comforter on the parental bed is upside down, big trouble is ahead for lucky unlucky kid(s).

Count bottles of beer in the refrigerator and mark level of all liquor bottles. 



Upon return:

If kids are overly anxious to greet you, suspect that they're engaging in a distraction technique.

Make sure parental TV lock has not been hacked.

Look through digital cameras, cell phone pictures and Facebook pages. Kids tend to be dumb and will take pictures and post evidence of their dirty deeds.

Always check to see if those little indentations in the carpet from the furniture are showing. If they are the furniture has been moved.

Search all cabinets and walls, even behind plants, for signs of cherry tomato fights.

Check grout lines, and beneath items on kitchen counter, for a white powdery substance that was most probably used in a flour fight.

Check youngest kids for bruises.

Examine all picture frames to see if they've been changed out.

Search the house for new bottles of Super Glue.

Make sure dogs still have whiskers and eyelashes.

If house is sparkling clean, you know that something's up.

Always peruse mugshotlist.com.

If all else fails pay off the weakest link.

16 comments:

marvimarti.com January 30, 2011 at 10:03 AM  

OH too funny! We went away for a few days and caught my daughter because of several of these, the biggest being Facebook. Found the photo evidence on one of her friend's pages. She tried to say it was much earlier in the year until I pointed out that the Christmas tree is showing in one of the pics.

Mad Mind January 30, 2011 at 11:05 AM  

This is so true. The most important piece of advice regards the duct tape. It MUST be removed at all costs. What you come home to may not be pleasant.

Mrs. Indecisive January 30, 2011 at 11:34 AM  

awesome list!!! I'll keep this in mind when I have kids!

Pat January 30, 2011 at 12:19 PM  

Have fun on your trip! And may your house, children and pets be just how you left them when you return!

Dazee Dreamer January 30, 2011 at 2:45 PM  

omg, those were awesome. hope you have a great time.

MichaelHarley January 31, 2011 at 2:36 AM  

somehow I get the feeling you actually had to do some or many from that checklist of items while raising 11kids. :-)

Miss Sadie January 31, 2011 at 3:43 AM  

You are such a trusting soul, Diva.

Fundamental error, however. The changes could be the sign of actions by another adult.

MarkD60 January 31, 2011 at 3:54 AM  

My parents were on a trip once, and we were playing "Sled", where I turn the coffee table over, put my brother and sister in, and slide them over the carpet using the tables legs to push. We (I) broke this expensive piece of art, a statue of a girl. And glued it back together. To this day, I don't think anyone ever noticed, but if you look at the statue, it isn't hard to spot the damage.

I suspect that you have some experiences that enable you to come up with this...
I'm glad my parents didn't have this list!

MarkD60 January 31, 2011 at 3:54 AM  

My parents were on a trip once, and we were playing "Sled", where I turn the coffee table over, put my brother and sister in, and slide them over the carpet using the tables legs to push. We (I) broke this expensive piece of art, a statue of a girl. And glued it back together. To this day, I don't think anyone ever noticed, but if you look at the statue, it isn't hard to spot the damage.

I suspect that you have some experiences that enable you to come up with this...
I'm glad my parents didn't have this list!

Green Monkey January 31, 2011 at 8:24 AM  

GREAT LIST... have a wonderful trip!

The Bipolar Diva January 31, 2011 at 4:03 PM  

Could have been Sadie, but they were totally from guilty kidlets.

Cheeseboy February 1, 2011 at 10:18 AM  

Holy crap - - Hawaii?! I'd be lying if i said I wasn't jealous. It's 6 degrees here today.

6.

You speak so much truth in this post. I will be sure to bookmark this and check it again when my kids are teenagers.

Cheeseboy February 1, 2011 at 10:19 AM  

Hawaii?! I'd be lying if I said I wasn't jealous. It's six degrees here today.

6.

This post is so full of knowledge. I'll be sure to bookmark it and check back when my kids reach teenager age.

Did you see I dressed up as Barney and picked up Chinese food?

Brenda Susan February 1, 2011 at 10:14 PM  

Oh the stories we are hearing now that both sons are out of the house! They love to come over and regal us with stuff i'd rather not know!

Your list is pretty great and reveals some real life experience.

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