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Diva, Daiquiris and Dilemmas

Monday, February 14, 2011

You know about me surfing, yea me! 

You know about my lying in the sun. 

And you know about me drinking too many daiquiris with rum floaters and falling on my ass. 

What you don't know about yet is my trip to Chinatown.

Yes, my trip to Chinatown. What an experience, at least for a Diva. I didn't rent a car while I was in Hawaii so trying to figure out just how to get to Chinatown was a dilemma. It was too far to walk and the trolley was $30 for a day pass. The guy at the desk suggested the city bus.

That sounded like quite the adventure, I'd never been on a city bus before and for $2.50 round trip it sounded like a barn busting deal.

The first thing I noticed on the bus was a smell. I'm not sure if it was just the way the bus always smelled or if it was the smell of the guy that decided to put his crotch in my face.

See how close he was to my knee? He was totally invading my space bubble and my my nostril saving bubble. I have a feeling though that he was looking down my dress.

The next thing I noticed was the emergency exit.

It was on the ceiling of the bus and pretty damned small. As I looked around the I realized that not many of us would be able to get out of the bus through that emergency exit. First of all, none of us appeared to have the superpowers of Spiderman so I'm not sure how we would get up there. Next, most of the people near me would never be able to fit through the exit. So much for the intelligence of the emergency exit engineer. He was probably a skinny guy with gecko pads for fingers and toes.

Then I gasped at the sin of all sins. A fake Louis Vuitton!

There's another story attached to that fake Louis, but I'll save it for another time. I'll just say that someone showed their true colors and the showdown was on. Gucci came to my rescue and saved the day. 

Finally we reached my stop. I was never so glad to get out of a vehicle in my life. On to Chinatown to check out the markets. I was hungry and was looking for two types of fruit, one was Mangosteen. Don't have a picture of that one since everyone was OUT of the damned things. Then the other fruit is one I haven't a clue as to what it's called but it looks like this:

If any of you know the name of the mysterious fruit let me know, it's my favorite fruit ever! I wonder if I can find it around Portland? I grabbed a bunch of them and began my trek through the markets. 

The first thing I saw was pretty unappetizing and damn well creeped me out:

I'm not eating a frog and I'm certainly not taking a live one home to cook.

Next wasn't too creepy I just wondered what in the hell they used these things for:

I guess maybe soup or something. Then I went around the corner and the creep-out factor magnified exponentially. You're going to have to scroll down for this one.

At that point I was out of there. Back to the bus and to the restaurant at the hotel. The pig's head with blood dripping from his nose was a bit too much for me.


Gucci Mama February 14, 2011 at 1:38 PM  

Surfer Diva! Love it!

I am always thrilled to ride to your rescue, my love.

Furry Bottoms February 14, 2011 at 2:02 PM  

I wonder if that is passion fruit or if that is dragonfruit. I know one of them is spiky like that! :)

Furry Bottoms February 14, 2011 at 2:05 PM  

No, I got it! It is a rambutan. I looked it up ;-)

Monkey Man February 14, 2011 at 3:04 PM  

Not your type of culinary adventure, eh? Mrs. MM for our local light rail for a few days to her new job and had similar groping. She found that heels make a severe hole in most tennis shoes.

Daisygirl February 14, 2011 at 3:05 PM  

you are the hottest surfer ever....I so would have kneed that guy in the balls haha!

As for China Town....ewweeeeeee!

Classic NYer February 14, 2011 at 3:40 PM  

I can't decide which made me laugh harder, the idea of Diva in Chinatown (which, if it's anything like any Chinatown I've ever been to, is not particularly diva-friendly) or the idea of Diva on a city bus...

I love you, you know that? You're fantastic for even going.

Brenda Susan February 14, 2011 at 3:43 PM  

Hey thanx for eliminating my appetite so I can go the rest of the day without overeating!

Babes Mami February 14, 2011 at 4:05 PM  

Outside of the creepy meat looks fun!

Dazee Dreamer February 14, 2011 at 4:23 PM  

and now I'm scared to eat at chinese resturants that pig head is disgusting.

Unknown February 14, 2011 at 5:38 PM  

Well...sounds like you had a fabulous time.
Have no clue what that fruit is but the color is enticing.
The dude was DEFINITELY looking down your dress - shoot - I woulda been looking down your dress!!!
Chicken feet are often boiled then fried in a sweet and savory sauce. I still wouldn't eat them...but...sounds better after you think about it.

Miss Sadie February 14, 2011 at 9:06 PM  

Hmmmm. Sounds like you've never been at a real Asian before. Otherwise you would have expected the chicken feet (also good for soup, I hear) and a pig's head.

I expect the surfing was more fun.

e February 15, 2011 at 12:36 AM  

What an experience. "Crotch" guy even had dirty pants just to add to the eww factor! The pig's head would have done it for me too.

Dee February 15, 2011 at 2:40 AM  

Surfing looks fun! I wish I would have tried it when I was in Hawaii. That pig head would have freaked me the hell out too. Lol...this past Friday there was a 22 year old girl arrested for decapitating one of her neighbors pigs and leaving it's head on his porch. I mean...wth? Crazy people!!

Anonymous,  February 15, 2011 at 6:07 AM  

Look at you mingling with the commoners! lol

MarkD60 February 15, 2011 at 6:09 AM  

The emergency exit in the ceiling is for in case the bus rolls over on it's side.
Here they sell chicken feet in the grocery stores. They look just like chicken feet on the still-alive chicken, which creeps me out!

Christy February 15, 2011 at 7:16 AM  

Yikes! Now I'll have nightmares.

The Bipolar Diva February 15, 2011 at 7:50 AM  

Mark, a bus flipping on it's side? I won't be riding again!

Liz Mays February 15, 2011 at 7:52 AM  

Honestly, would it have been too much to ask for them to have cleaned the blood up a bit? SICK!!!!

I do love those red prickly fruit thingers though.

Cheeseboy February 15, 2011 at 7:54 AM  

Never trust a man wearing khakis and a floral print shirt.

That emergency exit made me LOL! At least the babies could escape... or the baby midgets.

Sey February 15, 2011 at 9:42 AM  

That fruit is really delicious. We called it Rambutan here but I don't have any idea what they called it in English. I'll find out for you but we have a lot of that here and trees grows on our backyards too.

The Bipolar Diva February 15, 2011 at 9:51 AM  

Sey, I LOVE it! I hope I can find it in the Asian markets here!

Debbie February 15, 2011 at 1:53 PM  

sounds like fun..but EWWWW on the pigs head, chicken feet and POOR frog!!

Candace June 7, 2011 at 7:39 PM  

suddenly...not hungry.

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