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If It Sounds Like A Duck

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

I'm not a hypochondriac. Well, maybe I am. See, I'm on a shit load of medications each day that are supposed to help keep my moods stable, take care of my anxiety, help the problems with my neck and back (that the lady on the cell phone that ran me over and totaled my motorcycle caused), and to help me sleep.

They all come with side effects and I've become hyper vigilant about all of that crap. In the last three years I've had to start and stop a myriad of medications all because of side effects. Right now I'm on a pretty good cocktail, I feel great most days.

But then cue the side effects. Some are minimal: headache, drowsiness, upset stomach, blah, blah, blah...

Some get scary: coma, death, and shit like that.

Then there are these for one of the medications I'm on:
  • dizziness, feeling light-headed, fainting, fast or pounding heartbeat;
  • fever, stiff muscles, confusion, sweating, fast or uneven heartbeats;
  • fever, chills, body aches, flu symptoms;
  • white patches or sores inside your mouth or on your lips;
  • tremor (uncontrolled shaking), restless muscle movements in your eyes, tongue, jaw, or neck;
  • agitation, hostility, confusion;
  • increased thirst or urination, weakness, extreme hunger; or
  • penis erection that is painful or lasts 4 hours or longer.
We can cross of the erection problem since I just don't have the equipment. Most of the others are crossed off too. But there is one that I'm a little worried about, "tremor (uncontrolled shaking), restless muscle movements in your eyes, tongue, jaw, or neck."

I've noticed this weird thing that started happening a few months ago and I'm a little afraid to bring it up with the doc. She's not only going to think I'm a freak, she may just lock me up in the Behavioral Unit in Adventist Hospital.

I can't believe that I'm even going to admit this to the whole freaking blogosphere. Now before I tell you, you have to know that it doesn't happen all the time, but it happens enough to freak me out.

I seem to have developed a quack. Yep, you got it, like a freaking duck. It's this weird thing with my tongue and the roof of my mouth. It's like a twitch in my tongue that causes this suction and then there's this quacking sound. It just happens. I have no idea it's coming and I can't reproduce it.

I was hoping that it wasn't noticeable to anyone else and then tonight at dinner it happened. My son's jaw dropped and he asked, "Mom, did you just quack?"

Holy Mother of God someone else heard it! All conversation stopped and I had four sets of doe eyes staring at me.

"Mom, you quacked?"

*kids trying to digest what was just said*

"Do it again! I want to hear it!"

"Does it sound anything like AFLAC?"

*hysterical laughter*

"Mom, come on.....I wanna hear!"

*pleading kids*

"You guys didn't hear her? She sounded just like a duck!"

All I could do was drop my head in my hands and wonder how in the hell I'm going to tell my psychiatrist that I have freaking fowl quack.


carrie April 27, 2011 at 8:14 PM  

ok, I'm sorry but this made me totally giggle. You have a semi-serious side effect and yet, you're most worried about people wondering about your mental health!! hehehe!!!

I would get it checked out, perhaps a nurse line where you can talk to someone on the phone, (that way when they laugh at you they can at least mute the phone so you can't hear it ;) ) would be a good first stop. It might be a known side effect for something you are taking. Either way, sounds like things are fowled up at your house ;)

QuietBrokenWords April 27, 2011 at 8:19 PM  

Im pretty sure your doctor wont commit you for this one lol. It actually is a nervous twitch that believe it or not I share (never thought of it as quacking til you said that though...I always thought of it as a cluck lol) It happens when I'm extremely tired and or stressed and is a result of some minor damage to my nervous system. Yours is probably just a side affect of the medication. Talk to your doc and it'll go away with a new med or since you now know you are not alone...Nervous Cluckers/Quackers of the World Unite!!

Dazee Dreamer April 27, 2011 at 8:35 PM  

well, you see. you just keep your phone and voice record it whenever you feel it coming on. then you can play it for her. Or better yet, you can have your son write a written statement that he heard it. You'll thank me. :)

Monkey Man April 27, 2011 at 8:37 PM  

It appears you are talented on more levels than I ever imagined were possible. Cograts.

Rob-bear April 27, 2011 at 9:34 PM  

If it sounds like a duck, its probably a hunter with a duck call who wants to kill ducks with his gun. Or her gun, as the case applies.

Or it could be a bipolar Diva, who has been quacked up for years, proving how quacked she is. And who should be talking with her p-doc about her meds!

The Bipolar Diva April 27, 2011 at 9:40 PM  

Rob, I see her next week and that'll be the first thing I talk to her about! quack, quack

Candace April 27, 2011 at 10:29 PM  

OMG!! MY JAW HIT THE FLOOR. You quacked? wow. Maybe its stress/anxiety related. Dare I say, like tourettes. Its your body's way of avoiding violent rage? I imagine that moms want to do that from time to time.

cosima April 27, 2011 at 11:17 PM  
This comment has been removed by the author.
MarkD60 April 28, 2011 at 4:57 AM  

I wouldn't worry about it, once you get through the transitional stage and the feathers, beak and webbed feet come in, you won't even remember being a person and you'll be fine!
Just kidding, you should have it checked out.

Pat April 28, 2011 at 7:44 AM  

Holy crap! Well, I hope you have Aflack as your insurance to help pay your doctor bills!

Nolie April 28, 2011 at 8:38 AM  

Please still love me even though I totally giggled.

Unknown April 28, 2011 at 8:45 AM  

sweet jeezus that is awesome...i have these weird twitches with my meds also, but nobody has noticed them yet.

i was pretty sure i was developing parkinsons disease.

at least i know that i am being a hypochondriac?

seriously, i hope that your doc can help you out...or at least assuage your concerns.


Copyboy April 28, 2011 at 9:23 AM  

I think half of those side effects I'd handle like a baby. I'm not good with pain. You should see me after my trip to the dentist.

The Bipolar Diva April 28, 2011 at 12:52 PM  


you can email me at and I'll tell you anything you want to know. It would be easier than trying to write it all in a comment. I'm not sure what state you're in but having bipolar isn't a cause to take kids, especially if it's managed and you take control of it. Email me and we'll talk.

Dee April 28, 2011 at 1:40 PM  

I know what you mean about side effects, they're a major pain to deal with.

Lol don't you just love that you can always count on your kids to catch all the "little" things like that that you do and make fun of you, and lets not forget that they're going to tell every one they possibly can?

Gotta love 'em! I hope everything works out for you girl!

The Queen April 28, 2011 at 4:03 PM  

I love it but then you know I have a thing for ducks!

Maasiyat April 28, 2011 at 9:37 PM  

I am so sorry to laugh at your misery, but it was just too damn funny. Although if it was me, I think I would actually enjoy quacking. I would work out a big long story about how I lost my pet duck as a kid and now sometimes when I remember him I just 'quack'.

Jessica Warrick April 29, 2011 at 12:15 PM  

holy shit you quack that isa very strange side effect. im lucky that i only get the no sex drive side effect but to quack i think would be strnage and something to worry about.. please tell your dr so they can fit you in with another med. wouldnt wnat you to start

Classic NYer April 29, 2011 at 2:58 PM  

You're the only one I know of who could have made this funny to me...

The Lovely One April 30, 2011 at 9:42 PM  

LOL! Well, there are worse side effects...

JoJo April 30, 2011 at 9:50 PM  

I remember reading in one of my nursing books that certain psychotropic drugs can cause muscle twitching and certain parkinsons like symptoms but quacking?! This is big, crazy and hysterical at the same time. But I sort of want you to become rich from the discovery. Like maybe they'll pay to come out with your story and make a commercial or there's always suing...

Cheeseboy May 1, 2011 at 4:08 PM  

I AM a hypochondriac and if I was on all that medication, I'd for sure be over the top hypo. Wait, maybe I already am over the top hypo? Is that a disease? Ah crap.

Haven May 2, 2011 at 7:26 AM  


I hate the medication cocktail. I'm on that medication-go-round side effect vigilance myself. I'm terrible about taking my meds though.

Brenda Susan May 6, 2011 at 1:38 PM  

Wellll I did recently read that they were hiring someone new to do the Aflack duck voice....maybe a new job opportunity?

Brenda Susan May 6, 2011 at 1:38 PM  

Wellll I did recently read that they were hiring someone new to do the Aflack duck voice....maybe a new job opportunity?

Liz Mays May 6, 2011 at 2:13 PM  

WHAT in the world???? That's the craziest thing I've heard about in a long, long time!

Anonymous,  May 8, 2011 at 8:21 AM  

I shouldn't laugh that you quacked..but I did. Sorry!

What is it with side effects. You can't take an aspirin anymore without worrying about bleeding from your orifices. Jank!

Tracey cat July 10, 2011 at 6:07 PM  

Ugh the side effects. I know what you are up against. One day out of the blue- and ive been on some major med combos lol. I started biting the inside of my mouth/cheek and it looks like im chewing gum, moving my mouth around. Sometimes you dont notice it at all, sometimes its ridiculous how stupid i look and oh yeah, its very tiring to move your mouth uncontrollably all day long. And oh yes, you do develop mouth ulcers etc from chewing your mouth! I'm pretty sure i got it from the Seroquel, and its one of those "tics" that they talk about and guess what, it never goes away! Ever! I do take another med to help it but it only helps a bit. All this and i dont even take the med anymore, didnt work! So, whenever you start developing something that you arent doing on purpose , get it checked out ASAP.

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