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The Lighter Side Or The Personal Side?

Monday, April 18, 2011

I'm not really sure where to start, what to say, what not to say or if I should even go forward here. But dammit it's my blog and I can do pretty much what ever the hell I want to on it. I say "pretty much" because there are kids that have access to this, friends, family, blah, blah, blah..... That's one reason I have another blog. It's more personal, more racy, it's the other side of me. If you want to be considered to be part of the elite group that has access to that part of my life email me and we'll talk.

This one I try to keep on the lighter, more family friendly side, although I will address the seriousness and the stigma of bipolar when the need arises. 

But it's April and I've only written two posts. TWO! Those of you that know me know that means they, the powers that be, have been messing with my medications again and it hasn't been pretty. To make a long background story short, the docs thought I had leukemia or some other weird blood related shit because my white blood cell count kept dropping, plummeting actually. Found out it was most likely a medication I was on so I stopped it. Experimented with a shit load of other stuff. My blood count rose, but my emotional state declined.

That's about when I stopped writing and stopped being able to hold up, or repair, the crap that's been going on in my life. The depression was too enveloping and all sorts of bizarre things began happening. I won't go all into it here, but I'll say that I didn't really know which way was up and I had MAJOR, life changing decisions to make. 

I've made those decisions and will have to live with them, good or bad, right or wrong. My life will change and hopefully it will be for the better.

It's funny that when things get bad, really bad, is usually when I do my best writing. I get all poetic and shit. I guess it's that bipolar/creative combo that does it. This time I could barely function, let alone write about Sea Turtles coaxing me to follow or Unorthodox remedies for my affliction. Go read those two, they'll give you insight on some of the feelings that go along with bipolar, or maybe with just life in general.

On the brighter side, I'm going back to school to finish a degree in Political Science. Which is being a major pain in the butt. I have to arrange classes around certain motorcycle events. A major event that I never want to miss happens the same week fall term begins. Guess what's going to win got it, the motorcycle.

I'm going to take some summer classes that I can arrange around my weekend trips and try to see what can be done about fall term.

Thanks guys for sticking by me during all this crap. I can't tell you how much that means to me.

Here's to the brighter side of life, changes and all!


Karyn April 18, 2011 at 10:32 PM  

Online classes- works Everytime I need flexibility!

The Bipolar Diva April 18, 2011 at 10:53 PM  

That's what I'm thinking of doing. Taking all of the online classes I can, especially during the fall.

Candace April 18, 2011 at 11:12 PM  

I hope you're able to work out things with your meds sooner then later. Its crazy how life still happens even when you're not at your "best" emotionally or physically. I had a similar thought as yours, in regards to the creativity curve of depression. I was a tons more creative and fluid in my writing when I was drowning. I also agree with the online classes...seriously the way to go! HUGS!

The Bipolar Diva April 18, 2011 at 11:19 PM  

It's weird how the thought processes work isn't it? Yes, I think online is the way to go!

MarkD60 April 19, 2011 at 4:27 AM  

I hope things get better for you.

Andrew Hall April 19, 2011 at 4:27 AM  

I've told several of my friends the reason why they don't write is that they are too happy. To act as a safeguard against happiness I write everyday. Discipline wins out over the long term.

Dazee Dreamer April 19, 2011 at 7:04 AM  

I've missed you tons and can't believe you are going to go back to school. I hope things are going better for you and they have you on the right stuff now.

Sandra April 19, 2011 at 9:31 AM  

I know nothing of being bipolar. I don't know anyone who is bipolar. However, you describe the descent into hell so vividly, and throughout it all, your spirit remains.

Anonymous,  April 19, 2011 at 1:18 PM  

Awesome on the school thing! Glad to see you back around, and I'm also very glad it wasn't leukemia!

Susie - Walking Butterfly April 19, 2011 at 2:52 PM  

We are with you dear Diva, even if we are "with" you. Only a blogger will understand that concept huh? :)

I am totally and unshakably convinced that riding a motorcycle is very therapeutic! Probably more so for you as the driver than for me as a rider, but oh man, does it cure a lot of woes!

Hubs & I feel like it literally blows junk off our minds and hearts as we sail along the countryside!
Yes, choose the bike! Thinking of you and praying for you Hun!

carrie April 19, 2011 at 4:40 PM  

First week of fall term can be missed, you will be okay I promise. Especially once the profs meet you :D

I hear ya about meds being messed with, I will be posting my latest news shortly. It's interesting to say the least.

*hugs* and my thoughts are constantly with you!

Donda April 19, 2011 at 6:30 PM  

Congrats on the going back to school thing. And I love "poetic and shit". I am going to have to borrow that one :) You know where to find me if you ever need to dump.

Monkey Man April 19, 2011 at 6:49 PM  

Knock em dead, killer. You deserve to fulfill your life's dreams.

Christy April 19, 2011 at 7:10 PM  

Always there for you. I'm so proud of you.

The Queen April 19, 2011 at 8:20 PM  

let your world rock on as it needs to.. and.. when you return here.. well.. looks like we all hung around for the welcome home party.. Rock on girlfriend!

Cheeseboy April 20, 2011 at 10:32 AM  

We all go through our blogging slumps, so it's no biggie. And that's scary crap about your blood cell count. I would have been freaking out. Glad they figured it out.

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