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Ya Just Never Know

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

I try, I mean I really try, not to talk about my kids on this site much. I mean, I really fight being a "mommy" blogger. After raising kids for 29 years and still having 4 at home I'm all mommied out. But tonight is an exception.

See my son, I'll just call him Michael (kinda like I did when he was born), just started his new job. He's been looking for a job forever and he's lucky he finally found one. His first day was yesterday.

He works taking in donations for Goodwill. He accepts the donations, writes receipts, sorts the junk items, and loads them onto trucks to send to the other centers.

Michael's not much of a talker so I was asking lots of questions.

"So what kind of things did you take in yesterday?"

"Well, clothes, furniture, a raccoon, knives, lots of ammo. Ya know, just stuff."

"A raccoon?"

"Yeah, he was stuffed."

"Well Michael what was the most interesting thing you took in, the thing that you'd buy for yourself?"

"A grenade launcher. It was pretty cool."

"What was the weirdest thing you took in?"

"A crack pipe."

"WTH? A freaking crack pipe?! Why in the hell would anyone donate a crack pipe? What box did you put that in?"

"The haz-mat box."

Kid is being pretty boring at this point. Nothing is seeming to get much of a reaction out of him at all. I had to get more inventive with my questions.

"Did you take in any used underwear?"

"Lots."

Well that didn't get a reaction.

"Michael, what was the most disgusting thing you took in?"

"Sex toys."

Now I'm spewing iced tea.

"WHAT?"

Totally straight faced he said "I told you sex toys Mom."

"How did you know it was a sex toy?"

"Well for one it was pink. For another is was see through."

"And out of that you get that it was a sex toy? Was is shaped like anything?"

I mean this is a pretty sheltered kid. Maybe his imagination was getting the best of him.

"Well Michael, was it shaped like anything?"

Michael picked up his iced tea, took a sip, I think in the hopes of avoiding the question.

Then his Dad asks, "Well Michael was it shaped like a tillie-winker?"

Michael chokes on his tea, finally cracks a smile and wipes the tea off of his mouth and off of the table.

"Well Michael, was it shaped like a tillie-winker?"

Who in the hell says "tillie-winker?"

The kid that never laughs burst into uncontrollable laughter.

"Enough said. You've answered that question."

"Wait, Michael," I asked, "what box did you put that into?"

"Haz-mat."

I sure hope he wears gloves. 


24 comments:

Kristy July 27, 2011 at 8:42 PM  

I have to laugh. My parents thought I was the most sheltered kid and I was never a sheltered kid. My mum thought she would die because I never cursed or let on to anything. I think your kid is being respectful towards his parents. Society teaches to much:) I know I was never respectful unless it was for an adult.

Velvet_Heaven July 27, 2011 at 8:46 PM  

Love it. That put a much-needed smile on my face!!!

Just Two Chicks July 27, 2011 at 8:47 PM  

Hahahahaha... "tillie winker!!" I'm going to use that tomorrow! I'll find a reason for it!

I really hope he wears gloves too, and it's a good thing he isn't doing that job here. We dropped some stuff yesterday, (nothing as exciting as sex toys and crack pipes), and those poor men are roasting in that truck in this heat.

tabbiecat66 July 27, 2011 at 8:53 PM  

Too funny, I've been to a Good Will , my son had a field trip at school to go there and i chaperoned- it was interesting but ill tell you i never saw anything like that on the shelves LMAO. I mean really, how disgusting is it that someone would actually donate those kinds of things! One mans junk is anothers fortune, lol- hope not!!

Cat & Cricket July 27, 2011 at 9:05 PM  

Fucking Brilliant!
But tell him to send me some good ole vintage items..and milk glass... I have my own sex toys, thank you!
Smiles~
Gypsea

Candace July 27, 2011 at 9:27 PM  

I'm sorry, but can we just go back to the part where he took in a raccoon....cuz, wth is that about!!

middle child July 27, 2011 at 9:29 PM  

K. That almost makes me not want to shop at Goodwill anymore. I said almost.

Rob-bear July 27, 2011 at 10:00 PM  

Michael has a job. This is great news! And it is an "interesting" job. For him it's not that interesting, perhaps. But for his mom, it's hilarious!
And you tell the story so well, Diva.

Maasiyat July 28, 2011 at 1:51 AM  

How lame am I that I actually think that is a pretty cool job and am slightly envious of him! Another bites the dust. You'll eventually get them all out the door. Even when you talk about your kids, you still don't fall into the category of mommy blogger. You would never find the word "tillie winker" on a mommy blogger blog.

Debbie(single;complicated) July 28, 2011 at 5:06 AM  

ha ha ha! So glad he has a job!Yay Michael. He sounds like my son! Loved this whole conversation!!

Miss C July 28, 2011 at 5:41 AM  

A crack pipe and sex toys! Who would have thought people would donate that stuff. At least it went into the has-mat box.

Copyboy July 28, 2011 at 7:52 AM  

Sex toys? Raccoons? I gotta get me on that goodwill route. Congrats to your son!

Heather July 28, 2011 at 9:30 AM  

I had to laugh at loud at this. Makes me rethink ever volunteering for a Goodwill store. And tillie-winker gets to be the word of the day! Great post

The Bipolar Diva July 28, 2011 at 10:16 AM  

I read through all the comments again this morning and you all had me laughing so hard! I wish I could have been a fly on the wall as he sorted through things!

A July 28, 2011 at 12:47 PM  

Thank you for introducing a new word to my vocabulary. I will never get sick of saying tillie-winker! x

Monkey Man July 28, 2011 at 2:22 PM  

Tillie winker?!? I've heard Tally Wacker, but never tille winker. WTF? Hazmat is most appropriate.

Classic NYer July 28, 2011 at 2:56 PM  

Tillie-winker? Really though?

Butterfly July 28, 2011 at 4:40 PM  

Hmm. I've been looking for a job lately, and, Michael makes this one sound pretty interesting! I think I'll go apply at Goodwill! That would be worthy of a whole new blog!

Recovering Church Lady July 28, 2011 at 5:11 PM  

LOL! Hilarious and definitely fodder (?) for future blog posts I'm sure!
and....EEEW!

myinnerchick.com July 28, 2011 at 5:13 PM  

----tillie-winker!
We used to call it a "Peter" in our house. :::giggle::::

From Tracie July 28, 2011 at 8:59 PM  

OH my goodness! How funny. Who would donate stuff like that?!?!

Insanity.

W.C.Camp July 29, 2011 at 9:31 PM  

Wow I did not know that job was filled with as much danger and intrigue as an episode from COPS???? Hearty laughs are FREE and the best feeling in the world - keep it up! W.C.C.

Pat July 30, 2011 at 1:19 PM  

I guess this just proves that thrifty people masturbate, too! But, eww...to used sex toys!

Amie August 3, 2011 at 12:00 AM  

Oh my god!!! That is INSANE. I shudder to think of working that job...you know that show, Dirty Jobs? Not sure if he has already done it and come to think of it, it probably wouldn't be television-appropriate but I think we can safely say sorting donations at Goodwill is a damn dirty job!

Hope you can jump in on "Drinking and Thinking" tonight :) I'm not sure if you'd be able to just snag the button code from me and swap in your blog address where mine is, if not let me know and I'll send you your own code.

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