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Let's Talk About Starbucks' Toilets

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Yep, you read that correctly. Starbucks. Toilets. Ahem.

As per habit, I stopped by Starbucks this morning before what was to be an amazing motorcycle ride. Lot's of coffee and a long ride ahead  meant I had to make sure I went to that bathroom before I left.

Oh great, the door was locked. I waited and I waited, not a good sign. She was in there a LONG time. It wasn't gonna be good when she left I was certain.

Finally she walked by and I was so very glad I had put on Chanel No. 5 lotion before leaving this morning. You know when you get in a bathroom that smells a great perfume or lotion up to the nose is the ONLY way to make it through without totally puking.

Sure enough. Hands to the nose. Problem solved. Well it was solved until I looked into the toilet. ::gagging here::

I'll just say that she really should have waited to make sure everything was whisked away. Oh Holy Mother of God, I was about to lose the lemon loaf I'd just consumed.

"Breathe, just breathe." My hands were in use, they were not coming away from my face, so I flushed the toilet with my foot. I totally can't pee with someone's poop floating around in the toilet.

Guess what wanted to hang around just to make my day complete? Yep, you've got it. It was the poop that wouldn't go down. So I foot flushed again, and again the, ahem, shit came right back up. I was getting the feeling the day was so gonna suck.

I foot flushed again, there was no way on Earth I was going to smell anything, especially if I had to look at it too. There it went, going, going, gone. Uh, not. It came back! The damn stuff came right back up!

If I didn't have such a long ride ahead of me and if I didn't have to pee so badly I would have left. I wasn't in the mood to watch unnamed lady's reappearing poop.

I foot flushed again and there it wen.....not so fast. It was back. "Oh please God," I thought, "please, please let it go away this time." This time we actually made progress, it was half in and half out.

I foot flushed again and again. Finally, I swear, on about the 11th or 12th flush it was finally gone. I watched to make sure it wasn't going to magically reappear. It was gone, it was really gone.

Now for my next task. How in the hell was I going to get my belt undone, my chaps undone, my zipper and pants down with my hands up to my nose? And if, just if, I could get all that done, how was I supposed to get it all put back together with my hands at my face?

Let's just say it wasn't the best Diva day. Oh, and Jolene, tell Tim the damn toilet is a piece of crap!


11 comments:

lonewolf August 21, 2011 at 11:09 PM  

I can't breathe...laughing too hard. :) haha omg that was funny.

It sucks that that happened but still funny.

Crisc August 22, 2011 at 1:55 AM  

You foot flush too!!!! I ALWAYS flush with my foot in fear I will get some crazy illness touching the handle..lol

Singedwingangel August 22, 2011 at 4:18 AM  

OH Lord I couldn't have done it.. I just couldn't have.. I would have had to go to the nearest gas station lol

Classic NYer August 22, 2011 at 5:14 AM  

... and that's what happens when a diva uses a public bathroom.

Jamie August 22, 2011 at 6:34 AM  

What's worse is when you leave and there's another waiting to use the facilities.
You get the 'look'.

The good news is you got an awesome quick core and balance work out. ;-)

Rob-bear August 22, 2011 at 6:49 AM  

But I thought Diva's with motorcycles were multifunctional sorts of creatures, who could handle a challenge like that with ease and aplomb.

Monkey Man August 22, 2011 at 8:06 AM  

What a bunch of shit. Sorry you had a shitty morning. I bet you were flush with anger. Glad the ride that followed put all that shit behind you. ;-)

Pat August 22, 2011 at 1:45 PM  

Oh GAG, GAG, GAG,

Thank you SO MUCH for sharing that story!

The turd that wouldn't flush!

What was even funnier was that you PRAYED that it would flush! DO you think that God had other prayers to answer first? (I would have done the same thing!)

myinnerchick.com August 22, 2011 at 6:00 PM  

That is grooooooooss, man.
That happened to me, too, Diva. The person before me stunk the place out, left shit in the toilet. It made me sick.... I couldn't get it down either! I tried & tried. There was some gorgeous guy standing outside waiting. I was sooooooo embarrassed. Should I tell him it wasn't me? I didn't say anything...I just picked up my doggie bag and sprinted out. xx

Dazee Dreamer August 22, 2011 at 6:08 PM  

wow, you totally need to email starbucks and complain. like right now.

Unknown Mami August 22, 2011 at 7:25 PM  

That piece of poop was feisty.

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