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No XX Here!

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Disclaimer: Ok, this is only an observation. I'm not condemning nor am I condoning anything.

After diving head first into Harley sub-culture a few years ago I had to get the gear, you know, the leathers. I wanted them mostly for the protection they offer, but I loved the fringe benefits. Most, some, a few women look great in tightly fitted chaps. And the chaps HAVE to be tightly fitted for that sexy look to allow for stretching.

The first ride out in my new found hotness gear left me with a stress fracture on my knee. I didn't know it was a stress fracture at first. It hurt, it was swollen, I had to see the doctor, yada, yada, yada.

I made a phone call to set an appointment and was told that there was only ONE doctor in the ENTIRE practice that could see me that day. It was a female doctor that I'll call Dr. XY. I was shocked, but intrigued.

I'd never seen Dr. XY before but I'd heard all of the salacious gossip about this physician. In our small town rumors and rumors of rumors spread like wildfire. Dr XY had been married for 30+ years, was an accomplished pilot, a parent and one of the founding members of the largest medical practice in our little area. Dr. XY's secret was also the topic of many "over latte" discussions.

I was sitting in the office waiting for Dr. XY to come in after I'd been x-rayed. Suddenly the door was forced open and this whirlwind of a doctor came blowing into the room. In one swift motion a short, stubby, cankled leg, with a dowdy shoe, forced up the frumpy skirt and kicked the door shut.

I tried not to stare, but it was impossible. Dr XY wore the most hideous outfit EVER created, badly applied, and over done, make-up and a terrible excuse of a wig. Yes, you see Dr. XY was bald. Dr. XY was also an XY, chromosomely speaking.

A few years before Dr XY, now you know why I picked "XY," chose to have his "his" parts removed and replaced with "her" parts. I'm not sure why his wife, as in still married, didn't give old XY a few make-up tips and a little help holding that creepy wig in place.

Back to my story. Dr. XY glared at me from the start.

XY: ::Shaking the x-rays in front of me:: "Do you have ANY idea what crashing a motorcycle at 60 mph is like?"

Me: "No, I didn't crash."

XY: "I used to work in the trauma center!" XY's twitching forehead made the wig fall a little more off center. It was then several inches longer on one side and the bangs were all tweaked out.

Bubble thought here: "Your point? Airplanes crash all the time killing multiple people in almost every instance and you still fly."

XY: eye twitching now and make-up running, "It's like falling out of a SIX STORY WINDOW!"

I just stared at this curiously dressed person that was struggling to keep the bad wig in place and the cheap mascara from running.

XY: "Why in HELL would you CHOOSE to do that?!"

I sat there in disbelief trying to decide what the heck to say.

XY: "Well, I asked you WHY you would CHOOSE to do that?!"

Me: "I guess we all make decisions that others might not make."

Dr. XY huffed, threw down the x-rays and left me sitting in the room. Dr. XY never returned.

I wonder if he/she knew I was speaking of the wig?


Just Two Chicks August 25, 2011 at 6:13 PM  

Hmm... interesting. You know, I'm always amazed by the drag queens in Dallas... some of them look amazing! I think they should keep the parts given them though. I mean, the whole sensitivity thing is totally screwed up if they don't and where's the fun in that? I guess it's a mind over sensitivity thing though.

Isn't this world amazing? People really can be anything they want to be when they grow up... gives that phrase all new meaning!! Love it!

Unknown August 25, 2011 at 7:04 PM  

So Tom turned into Mary.. umm yeah I would have had to point it out, seriously I would have..

Dee August 25, 2011 at 9:29 PM  

That's hilarious! I wouldn't have been able to keep a straight face!

Candace August 25, 2011 at 10:09 PM  

"I wonder if she knew I was speaking of the wig" I was talking to my mom on the phone when I read this and nearly lost my shit.

Fucking Bitch. I hope she feels better now that she's done her good deed for the day. Bleh.

middle child August 25, 2011 at 11:23 PM  

X? Y? When in doubt, just call them Pat.

Rob-bear August 26, 2011 at 8:00 AM  

You do me the most "interesting" people, Diva.

Pat August 26, 2011 at 8:01 AM  

Talk about bad bedside manners! Geesh! Who cares about the whole transgender issue....I'm talking about the rudeness!

MarkD60 August 26, 2011 at 8:21 AM  

I think this could only happen to you....

Monkey Man August 26, 2011 at 8:59 AM  

Great story. But what ever happened with the knee fracture....pants too tight?

Christy August 26, 2011 at 11:22 AM  

You know, I always wonder how to address people that I have a really hard time deciding which of the sexes they are. Is it Miss or Mister? Who knows. Obviously this one wasn't taking enough hormones to correct the issues. August 26, 2011 at 4:12 PM  

You interest me. I love reading about your adventures. For reals.
Ps. Your doctor is a freak!
PSS. So so you watch Sons of Anarchy? I love Jax. Is this what the bike culture is really like? ... Excuse me, I've had 2 glasses of wine....xx

W.C.Camp August 26, 2011 at 6:02 PM  

I am amazed that you held your tongue as much as you did. How do you always end up with these ... uh INTERESTING, people. W.C.C.

Mr August 27, 2011 at 7:53 PM  

HAHAHA - I'm Scared...

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