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I Rock Ya Know

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Now in a very un-medicated state I'll try to explain what happened the other day. We're all born with something, ya know ADD, OCD, or some other alphabet soup label, shyness, being extroverted, etc. Everything has a label these days and mine, at the moment happens to be bipolar II, anxiety disorder and PTSD. Not fun, but I deal with it and most days I deal with it really well. As a matter of fact I'm willing to bet that those of you that know me in the tangible world would have never expected it.

I got along just fine for a very long time, well actually for decades until a string of years of trauma brought it all to the surface and everything fell apart. It was a lucky time though. Without the fall there would have been no diagnosis and I would still be on a path of uncertainty. Oh the path was filled with fun and excitement and all sorts of wonderful things, just a little too much of them and then there were, and obviously still are, much more difficult times.

For someone with bipolar sleep is one of the magic, yet elusive, remedies. I had just gotten back from a four day motorcycle trip and my sleep schedule was all messed up. Usually when I take trips on the bike I try to ride a couple of days, maybe three and then have a day or two to rest up for more riding. That didn't happen this time and I think it was a major contributor to what happened Monday. The interruption in my sleep cycle, along with some family struggles and changes, set things in motion.

I've learned through the years how to stay out of harms way. I'm careful with my medications, I know it scares my Aunt SuSu to death that I'm on so much, but I have learned to call for help when help is needed instead of resorting to something more dark. For me, the times that I fall are now far and few between. I feel more like myself than I have in years and I'm on a pretty good path. I don't think I've had a setback like the one Monday for several years. Yes, there have been minor issues here and there but nothing I couldn't tackle.

Monday was a setback, but not really a crisis, although to me at the time it seemed like one. I did all the right things. I called my doc's answering service and had her paged. She stayed on the phone with me until she was sure one of the medications was working. She told me how much I could take for the rest of the day and I locked the rest away in a safe.

In the midst of it all I kept relatively  calm, well as calm as one can be in a situation like that. I've also learned a very valuable lesson. That is not to push my limits with sleep and rest. Since sleep is elusive with bipolar disorder I do take meds to sleep. I did take them all with me, but I think different beds and the physical exertion of riding for days took it's toll.

I'm fine. I'm back to myself and doing quite well.

On another note I just killed a wickedly huge spider in the bathroom just now without as much as a xanex. I conquered the eight legged freak! I rock, you know, I really do.


Dee September 1, 2011 at 9:07 PM  

I'm so glad you're feeling better girl! I know how lack of sleep affects my fibromyalgia! Whew....that's some wicked stuff (lack of sleep)!!

Rob-bear September 1, 2011 at 9:08 PM  

How could one possibly be a Diva and not rock?
Your explanation is helpful. And, please, do not push your limits quite so far next time.

Unknown September 1, 2011 at 9:09 PM  

Sleep is my son's biggest issue as well and the smallest thing can send him spiraling out of whack. Like right now, the boy and girl I had taken in just up and left, then told the worst lies on all of us. My son is not a happy camper and wants to go whoop their asses. Between his gf, me and the meds he has calmed but it was iffy for a few..
As a person with PTSD and anxiety I can't tell you how many nights I have awakened from a dead sleep in the midst of a panic attack. Certain my next breath would be my last, checking my pulse over and over.. till I found my answer. It really does work you should try it..

MichaelHarley September 1, 2011 at 9:40 PM  

I already know that you rock.. and I think you can handle whatever storm comes your way.... you just don't always know it yet. Hang in there my friend.

Christy September 1, 2011 at 10:35 PM  

Sleep is THE magic elixir. At least in this house. Why else would I be commenting at this hour?

I'm glad you're feeling better. I know it can be scary at times, but you are a tough girl and we tough girls can get through anything.

And, yes, you rock!

Furry Bottoms September 2, 2011 at 7:52 AM  

Hehehe, yes you do rock!

I wanted to mention something, but I think I'll inbox you.

Nicole September 2, 2011 at 8:18 AM  

You are most definitely a rock star. I LOVE your ability to share your vulnerability! I admire that. There is so much strength in you in order to do that.

I get what you mean, when you say - "If you met me.. you would never know."

Same here with all my issues, my friend... same here.

My Mercurial Nature September 2, 2011 at 4:35 PM  

With all the ABC's going on, I'd say you made it through that moment in pretty decent shape! And as for the spider...well...I just had a run in with one, too, and in true f'ed up fashion screamed, jumped on the couch, and called the dogs to ...ya know. Hunt it down and kill it. Instead I believe it's huddling in a slobber mess under the couch (at least, that's what I'm telling myself).

TeriLynne September 2, 2011 at 6:41 PM  

Yeah... you definitely rock ;)

Classic NYer September 3, 2011 at 5:48 AM  

Yeah... losing sleep is rough, even without an alphabet soup label.

And yeah, you most definitely rock. September 3, 2011 at 1:35 PM  

---I'd say, yeah, you rock. You definintely ROCK the world! I love your honesty. :) x

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