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Imagine This

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Imagine that you're in a panic, an absolute panic. Let's say three, yep, three of your psychiatrists have closed their practices in less than a year, and you have to find a fourth one. I'd tell you why they all are closing their practices but that would start a big fire storm over the "Campaigner and Chief's" policies, so I won't go there.

I know that may be asking a lot since, well, most of you are "normal," but try to imagine the anxiety attacks brought on by this. Especially for someone with a "crazy" gene running loose in the family.

It's not so easy finding a new psychiatrist. It seems there's shortage of psychiatrists in this area anyway, and those that still do have a practice have them closed to new patients and what if you don't click if you happen to find one? Valium, Valium and more Valium! Oh, and occasional Lavender Martinis. (Those things KICK ASS!)

You have no idea of the panic that comes with all of this, especially since my family doc said he's uncomfortable prescribing my meds for more than two months.  Me un-medicated is pretty much one, big, hot mess.

I told my last doc that I couldn't find a provider anywhere in the Portland metro area. I didn't care if they were on my insurance or not, I just needed a doctor. That doc made a call to one of her associates and was able to get me into her friend's "closed to new patients" practice.

I met with her, she seems nice. I like her. Oh you hear the "but" coming don't you? Ok, here is is. Friday, on my third meeting with her, while finishing telling her more of the goings on in my family and in my personal life (yes it took three visits for that) she was staring at me, mouth gaping.

She listened intently. When I finished she shook her head and said, "Wow, you have such a complicated life!" She seemed shocked.

I told her I knew that we've dealt with more than many families have, but to me my life is normal. She said that's what worried her, that for me it's normal. I couldn't help but think about her statement.

I glanced over at the chaise lounge in her office and wondered if I should move over to it, lie down and act like one of the stereotypical psychiatric patients. You know, lying there, sobbing and dabbing my eyes with a crumpled tissue while pulling the stuffing out of a toy rabbit. 

When I look back on everything, I can hardly believe the things that happen in my reality show of a life. Believe me, if I listed everything for you that's gone on, not to mention my bipolar, you'd think "NO WAY that crap's happened, you be making that shit up!"

If we did have a reality show I'm sure Geraldo would want to file a law suit against us for false advertising since none of it seems possible. Well it has happened. Over. And. Over. And. Over. At times our life makes the lives of Britney Spears, LiLo and the Kardashians look like a Shirley Temple movie.

So my question. What should I be most worried about? The fact that my new doctor is freaked out about how complicated my life is, or that fact that to me it seems normal?


23 comments:

Singedwingangel November 10, 2011 at 9:46 PM  

Welcome to my world. Girl I am telling you we should compare stories. My therapists would do the same thing, explaining stepsisters that are also cousins and an aunt who is now a stepmom. yeah no wonder we click so well. Hell Move to Ky the only thing I can't do is prescribe meds and I can get those through another Doc friend of mine lol.

Cloudia November 10, 2011 at 11:40 PM  

I really relate to youCrazy genes?
Check!
AnxietyDepression? Check!

I have found that psychs are not soulful or helpful like we hope the will be.

Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) are the life work of Elaine Aaron PhD. and very helpful to me.

The books of Claire Weeks (sp?) MD
"Help & Hope for your Nerves" or some such title. . . AND REIKI (initiation and daily self treatment) have changed my life! I'm happy and resilient like I thought IMPOSSIBLE. I'm not prescribing, I'm just saying.

Psychiatrists? Really? Roll models for wisdom? Please! Meds if ya need em, but maybe not for long!

Fond Sisterly Aloha from Honolulu

Comfort Spiral

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Carol-Anne (Use the Good Dishes!) November 11, 2011 at 3:42 AM  

I've found that almost everyone's life is way more 'complicated' than they appear on the outside. The doc has me worried.

Laurie Matherne November 11, 2011 at 4:20 AM  

Dear Diva, I understand. I lived in post-Katrina New Orleans. I had to find a new shrink. Fortunately, he's the best! And he's calm. He would never drop his jaw in wonder at my bipolar antics. At least it has not happened yet. I now live in Honduras. I found an older, kind man whom I hope never retires. And the fees are so much cheaper and the care is more genuine in a small, poor country. Bless your soul!

MarkD60 November 11, 2011 at 4:27 AM  

I wouldn't worry about either one. Just focus on what's right in front of you right now. Try to not dwell on what happened or what might happen. It takes practice.

Kristy November 11, 2011 at 4:42 AM  

I think you should be more worried you think it is normal. As a bipolar person myself I accept a lot of crap in my life I shouldn't. Maybe she was in shock you accepted your life as normal what ever that is. The thing is if it works for you then it is OK. Normal is so subjective and you probaly have more of a tolerance for shit. I really hope you can find someone you really like and don't have to settle with.

Karen Mortensen November 11, 2011 at 7:27 AM  

I don't know. Good question. Maybe your doctor.

Monkey Man November 11, 2011 at 7:58 AM  

Normal is a cycle on a washing machine. Don't worry about this. Your doc is a pro, but also a human being. Her statement is honest and isn't that what you want her to be? She'll figure it out and help.

Just Two Chicks November 11, 2011 at 9:25 AM  

The Doctor's comment for sure. The thing is, your life is normal to you, which is actually a good thing because that is what has helped you survive. I mean, what is her plan? To make you realize how very NOT normal it has been so that you can have a complete breakdown? She needs to commend you for making it this far and for all of the good, because it looks like through the hell, good things have survived, yes? AND, then she needs to guide you in making a plan to avoid more hell. Period. BUT in the long run, it needs to be you making the plan, the plan you yourself have devised, in order to get things on track... and for goodness sake, make her give you your meds ;) About a three year supply in case she bites the dust too ;)

MamaTink November 11, 2011 at 3:45 PM  

I agree with Monkey Man. It's a learning process for both of you.

My Mercurial Nature November 11, 2011 at 4:04 PM  

Well obviously you know just as well as I do how insanely important it is to have a good psych doctor. Frankly, I don't like to be gawked at or hear things that make me feel more nuts than I am. Really, all I want are my meds. :-/ My doc is in Lake O and I love him (he's all about getting me the meds and not yakking at me unless I ask).

Dazee Dreamer November 11, 2011 at 4:24 PM  

I think that you have learned to deal with it as "normal". To handle everything you have, makes you more normal than a lot of people. Hell, maybe I'm not normal.

myinnerchick.com November 11, 2011 at 4:56 PM  

*** "Wow, you have such a complicated life.***

Red Flag. Incompetent. Unproffessional. Ignorant.

No. This is not the person you should be talking to Diva!

Love ya. xxx

Jessica Warrick November 11, 2011 at 5:30 PM  

i totally feel you on this and i think the thing that you should be most worried about is how the craziness of your life is your norm.. I have the same norm and its not a good norm...

Pat November 12, 2011 at 4:41 PM  

I agree with Myinnerchick. It IS your life and you are USED to it so it seems NORMAL to you. That doctor should NEVER have said that. Shame on her!

tabbiecat66 November 12, 2011 at 10:54 PM  

The thing that worries me the most is that she said, she is worried that you think your life is normal. She should be happy you arent jumping off a building! why does this "worry" her? I dont like her! Hugs xoxo
T.
http://thelattemommy.blogspot.com/

gracefully50.com November 13, 2011 at 8:40 AM  

Hi Ms Diva,
You make me smile even when you're talkin about something serious. Have you thought about a retail therapy?

Recovering Church Lady November 13, 2011 at 12:28 PM  

My 2 cents is that you ought to assume the best and consider that her statement may have been her way of being compassionate or sympathetic with you about all the hard stuff you and your family have endured. Could that be it? Maybe she just did not convey it properly so she sounded "overwhelmed" but she is not?

Snowbrush November 14, 2011 at 7:40 PM  

"HELLO! YOU'RE A PSYCHIATRIST! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE SHOCKED!"

Hell, no, she's supposed to ask if she can write your biography and the subsequent movie script. The only question is, how much do you get, and who plays you.

Snowbrush November 14, 2011 at 7:42 PM  

I just read this post a second time. I hope you meant it to be an absolute scream, because I am damned near to the point of falling out of my chair and rolling on the floor.

Phil November 15, 2011 at 8:19 AM  

I certainly feel for you. I think the key word here is continue. Continue to see this psychiatrist, and be prepared to continue to search as well. The problem is with declining benefit payments, the pool of psychiatrists continues to shrink, and those remaining are overworked, diminishing their attention span. Most want you to work through problems with a separate therapist, leaving them to simply prescribe and monitor the meds.

Take care!

The Bipolar Diva November 15, 2011 at 2:40 PM  

Thanks everyone. When I look back on my life, I even have to ask, "is this for real?"

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