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The Ambien Virgin Meets The Swinging Elf

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

In a palace far, far away in a village called Happy Valley, go figure, in a time long, long ago there lived this Ambien Virgin, I know, hard to believe these days right? Everyone that hasn't taken ambien please raise your hands....see no hands. I win.

This is going somewhere but first I have to make a side note: I was reading this new blog I found, or found me, well, somehow in bloggy land we connected and, well, I can't explain it, you're just going to go check it out for yourselves. It's called SSS Porch Party, and I so want to be a part of these people!

Anyway a post there reminded me of this yet unnamed, but totally known, Ambien Virgin. It had been a bad night. I'd like to say it was a dark and stormy night, and it was, only not with the weather. See, the Ambien Virgin and her King were arguing.

Not just "I'm gonna sleep on my side of the palacial bed with massive down pillows separating us," kind of argument. It was more like "I'm sleeping in the other chamber with the Bipolar Princess," type of argument.

This was after the Bipolar Princess had lost her youngest prince, the Ambien Virgin's grandson, to a horrible disease. The Bipolar Princess was staying in the palace trying to regain her sense of self and right her terribly wronged world.

The Bipolar Princess listened from her chamber. She heard slamming doors and loud voices. The Bipolar Princess had been through this drill before. She rolled her eyes, turned over and tried to sleep.

During the argument, and the huffing and puffing that ensued, the Ambien Virgin took a couple of ambien. Only one had been prescribed, but see, this Ambien Virgin sometimes plays fast and loose with the rules, kinda like Craps only with pills instead of dice. Then she stomped off to the chamber of the Bipolar Princess.

At this point in the story there are only flashes of memory of conversation with the Bipolar Princess. The Ambien Virgin was seeing things, specifically she was seeing an elf. Not just any elf, but an elf that lived in the wall and was swinging on the limb of a tree that was growing in the wall. Oh yes, bring on the ambien hallucinations.

The Ambien Virgin kept trying to get the Bipolar Princess to look at the elf, see the Ambien Virgin was amazed by the elf that lived in the wall. She wondered why, after all the years she had lived in the palace, she'd never before noticed the swinging elf.

The Bipolar Princess wanted nothing to do with the elf, but seemed annoyed with the Ambien Virgin's requests to look at the little swinging guy.

Finally out of a desperate need for sleep and a desperate need for the Ambien Virgin to close her mouth and go to sleep, the Bipolar Princess said, "Mom, he's always there. He comes out at night. Now SHUT UP about the damned elf and go to sleep!"

For some reason those words worked, and the Ambien Virgin didn't even scold the very naughty Bipolar Princess for swearing in her presence. The Ambien Virgin turned over, covered her head with a pillow....the elf might try to get her after all, and fell into a deep slumber.

The elf never re-appeared, although his presence is always felt.


Unknown December 21, 2011 at 9:12 PM  

*raises hand* I am an Ambien virgin, although when my mom was on it we had some umm lovely hallucinations. Like the day she was grabbing at thin air and telling me and a friend to 'catch them'. We were looking around saying "Catch what?"
She finally replied , " The damn chickens it is time for me to comb their tailfeathers and they are running from me" .. Ummmm yeah only in Hicksville would THAT be an Ambien induced Hallucination. I am quite sure in my neck of the woods the shopping would be from places like Southern States and Tractor Warehouse.

The Bipolar Diva December 21, 2011 at 9:17 PM  

Angel, I remember trying to catch light rays....I'm a blonde, old, dork!

Velvet_Heaven December 21, 2011 at 10:12 PM  

Total Ambien Virgin...
sounds like 'shrooms though...but less natural.
Not that I know much about 'shrooms either...

Candace December 21, 2011 at 10:35 PM  

I'm an Ambien virgin as well. The one time I ate a pot brownie...i ate the whole thing and an hour later started fearing that i was going to have a psychotic break because I was way too relaxed. Everything was moving super slow. Sean had to keep calming me down. I was scared that I would wake up in a dream.

Tami December 22, 2011 at 7:00 AM  

I have no experience with Ambien and now that I hear everyones stories, I will NOT be taking Ambien!

Copyboy December 22, 2011 at 7:46 AM  

Only you could make a sweet fanciful tale of an Ambien Virgin work.

Babes Mami December 22, 2011 at 7:46 AM  

I'm an ambien virgin! But hoping to get a low dose soon.

My Mercurial Nature December 22, 2011 at 9:05 AM  

I do believe I know yet another ambien virgin. Although I'm thinking...swinging elves sound like fun, perhaps the virgin should get a little loose.

The Bipolar Diva December 22, 2011 at 10:26 AM  

I cannot believe so many of you haven't taken ambien! Maybe it's just in the psychotic world of bipolar that it's the norm. Thanks guys, I feel even crazier than I did

Christy December 22, 2011 at 12:59 PM  

Bad, bad elf. Never mess with a Diva on Ambien! When will they ever learn?

Now for the serious. Amanda never leaves my mind. I know you're missing Isaiah just as much. :)

Monkey Man December 22, 2011 at 3:11 PM  

Ambien virgin...that's me. I'm a warm milk with a sprinkle of cinnamon type of guy. Used to throw in a fifth of scotch, but don't do that anymore.

middle child December 22, 2011 at 6:39 PM  

Man. I swear you have the funnist life. I've seen a swinging no I mean ......
I've never seen elves but there are ghosts cuz my house is over 110 years old and just go have fun darling!

middle child December 22, 2011 at 6:41 PM  

OMG! I was just reading your responses and the word dork....that is what my daughter calls me and I wore a black t-shirt with the word DORK written in big red letters on the front. Cool Beans.

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