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Delusions, Hallucinations and Beautiful Minds

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

My daughter's condition has weighed heavily on me today. Maybe it's the reason I've taken so much valium today. I usually only take it at night to help with sleep, but I'm on my fourth for the day.

My husband and I decided, on a friend's advice, to watch "A Beautiful Mind," again. Wow. I see my daughter with her hallucinations and realized that she very well may have to live with them. In John Nash's fear I saw her fear. In his reality I saw her reality. Her hallucinations may have to become part of her "normal."

I hope not, but if so, I hope she can deal with them the way John Nash learned to over time.

I don't know what else to say tonight. I'm drained. I have a headache and I need another valium.

I'll try harder tomorrow. Good night all.



17 comments:

My Mercurial Nature December 28, 2011 at 9:36 PM  

You've got so much on your plate...try not to overload it. (((HUGS)))

middle child December 28, 2011 at 9:42 PM  

"I'll try harder tomorrow."??? No. I'm not having any of this shit. Do not push yourself. Do not denegrate yourself. Rest is so important for you right now. You are and have been going through so much. You can't fix or do everything. I cannot even begin to imagine your life but I can only say that your health comes first or you won't be able to help anyone else. Peace.

The Bipolar Diva December 28, 2011 at 9:45 PM  

you all are awesome. I shall sleep. I'm taking my meds now and tomorrow's a new day with a, hopefully, better post!

Karen Mortensen December 28, 2011 at 10:21 PM  

So sorry to hear about this. That must be so hard. All the best.

Velvet_Heaven December 29, 2011 at 4:52 AM  

I'm sorry you have to go through this. You are an amazing person with a beautiful heart.

Tami December 29, 2011 at 6:38 AM  

How are you this morning? I hope you were able to find some rest. {{HUGS}}

Mad Mind December 29, 2011 at 7:39 AM  

You definitely need to make sure you are okay. It's the only way you will be able to help her.

I'm thinking about you. I know you can do this.

Just Two Chicks December 29, 2011 at 7:40 AM  

I loved that movie. I'm sorry you're all struggling with this, but how wonderful for you both to have the support of family and each other! I tried to email you, but I'm not sure you received it. I've been having issues with the emails as of late. My sent ones go into an outbox, then disappear, but never show as sent.

I hope you got some rest, and that every day gets a little better than the one before!!

The Bipolar Diva December 29, 2011 at 10:49 AM  

Thank you all! This morning I'm renewed and feisty! Ready to take on the day. Maybe it was 12 hours sleep?

Furry Bottoms December 29, 2011 at 12:34 PM  

FOUR, no FIVE Valiums in a single day? I wonder if I can do the same with Ativan. Valium gives me headaches too.

I, too hope that your girl learns the tools she needs to survive with this for the rest of her life. She deserves the best, she really does.

Barfly December 29, 2011 at 2:48 PM  

I read these and think how lucky I am. Though not as extreme in any way, when my oldest daughter was 9 years old she would throw fits and start screaming how she hated herself and wished she had never been born. 9 years old. Ended up she had one of the most severe cases of ADD I've known about and now is a beautiful, happy 16 year old. I was diagnosed with adult ADD several years later. Medication is great.

Not to step out of bounds, but you still look hot, even crashed on Valium.

High Heeled Life December 29, 2011 at 3:00 PM  

There are no words that would appropriately describe what both you and your daughter must be going through. My prayers go out to you and the rest of your family, as I know it is just as difficult on them not being able to rescue with their words; hugs or just being there. I pray that your family continues to keep an open mind and heart and understands that this situation is out of your control ... If you could you would stop it from happening... unfortunately part of the brain is doing it's own thing and will not listen to reason.

I wish you a peaceful sleep and may the morning bring a ray of sunshine to your day! Blessings, xo HHL

myinnerchick.com December 29, 2011 at 8:15 PM  

--Sending you lots of love from Minnesota, Diva. XxOO

Karli December 29, 2011 at 10:22 PM  

I love you mom. I'm going to kick this things ass! Only with your help, though.

Jessica Warrick January 3, 2012 at 4:10 PM  

wow im so sorry that your daughter has to deal with this. HAve they found out why? please take care of yourself. and if you need to talk im here you know how to reach me.

Jessica Warrick January 3, 2012 at 4:19 PM  

im so sorry that she has to deal with this and i hope and pray that they find the right cocktail to treat her with. I am bipolar II so i couldnt imagine what being bipolar I would be but i to see things that arent there just only when im driving and i have conditioned myself to not react unless i hear something along with the sights. i will pray for your beautiful daughter and her recovery and stabilization.

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