Saturday, January 14, 2012
She's in several group therapy sessions, some private sessions and lots of medicinal juggling in the hope of finding the "magic" cocktail all of us suffering from bipolar search for.
I gather from a conversation with her that she's doing lots of self preservation and keeping her distance from others.
She made a rather strange comment. She said that being in there makes her grateful for how "crazy" she's not. Evidently there's lots of head banging and a woman living in a world of grandeur. She's in a full length, gold sequined, ball gown with perfect hair and way too much make up.
Karli met with the on staff psychiatrist that told her since she was "used to living with hallucinations," they would only address her PTSD and help her grieving process over Isaiah's death.
Come on! Who in the hell would be "used to living with hallucinations?" Who would want to continue having them in their life. That's the main reason she went there in the first place.
The hallucinations are always present and terrifying. I can't imagine, since my bipolar isn't at the level as hers is, having to live watching frogs and spiders hop and climb on everything all of the time.
Her hallucinations have increased to auditory ones. She said she Jakob was sitting on the couch with her the other day with her having a normal conversation when she realized that he had been in school for several hours.
I hate this for her, I hate it for her kids and I hate it for her husband. Mostly though I feel guilty for passing on something to my child that has put her in a terrible position. I feel badly for being frustrated with her because of a situation she can't has no control over.
My only hope is that the hospital and the intensive therapy will give her some relief and that she'll find the path to recovery.