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Panic Attacks and Overdoses

Friday, May 4, 2012

These last few weeks I've had increasing panic attacks. The intensity and the duration are beginning to scare me.

 I've taken a lot of meds today and have been searching on the net for the max non-lethal dosage. Seems the drug companies don't like to give that little bit of information out. So I guess I'm on my own tonight.

The world is closing in and my heart is pounding out of my chest. I can't breathe and I feel as if I'm about to bite my tongue off.

 Emailed the doc, but since he's Jewish I doubt he'll get his email on the Sabbath. So I'm winging it here. Trying to distract myself and gain some time by writing.

The lost feeling is consuming me and the attacks are scaring the hell out of me. I usually only have an attack every six months or so, but it seems as if I'm having one several week long attack. I can't get it to stop.

I've been trying to breathe through them and chill, but today there's no way out except medication. That alone scares me and only adds to the attack. I want to take enough medication to get me though the night and hopefully gain some relief, but not enough to do the Heath Ledger exit.

I guess I'm on my own here and only time will tell. The morning light will be a welcome sight and I can only hope that the attack will be quelled.

I usually am able to write beautiful poetry in the midst of an attack, but my thoughts are scattered and my movements slow.

I probably should go to the hospital but I'm too tired to do the whole work up thing.

So tonight I sit, I type and I try to ignore it. but now it's time for the meds and hopefully a good night's sleep that brings me into tomorrow alive and much calmer.

 Goodnight my friends,
 

11 comments:

cloudia charters May 4, 2012 at 9:36 PM  

ready to 'try anything?"
Get a REIKI treatment from a serious practitioner!

Books by Dr. Claire Weeks also really help.

You WILL be OK!!!!

Warm Aloha from Honolulu
Comfort Spiral

> < } } (°>

Just Two Chicks May 4, 2012 at 10:15 PM  

You do have my number and can use it if you ever need to!!!

YeamieWaffles May 5, 2012 at 1:32 AM  

Here's hoping you feel okay soon Diva, this does not sound like fun at all and you definitely don't deserve to be in this hell so I really hope you drag yourself out of it soon. I hope it's nothing to do with only getting those quarter dose Xanaxs, I'm sending you out positive vibes anyway Diva.

Coffee Slut May 5, 2012 at 4:10 PM  

You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Mad Mind May 5, 2012 at 6:51 PM  

I know it's hard to believe sometimes, but you are strong enough to get through it. Keep pushing and you will push it back.

middle child May 5, 2012 at 9:30 PM  

Please think about going to the hospital. Especially if this continues. Also...whenever I have questions about meds, I call my pharmacist. They know best. Peace.

myinnerchick.com May 6, 2012 at 7:56 AM  

**The world is closing in and my heart is pounding out of my chest.**

I have felt that, Diva.

You. Are. Not. Alone.

I am praying for you this instant.

God Loves you & so do I.

Xxxxxxxx

angel shrout May 6, 2012 at 9:30 AM  

And you didn't call me WHY??? You know my line is always open for you regardless of hour.. You will get through this. Darling the devil is doing his best to take you out because you are on the verge of a HUGE blessing, step up and win. Stand on the fact that you know God did not give us a spirit of fear, that you are not in the battle alone, call on your warring angels that surround you, bury yourself in the fact that God has got this baby and know the test is going to lead to a mindblowing testimony. If satan is pulling all these stops out imagine what he knows is coming that he doesn't want you to see.

Phil May 7, 2012 at 11:16 AM  

Terri,

My daughter (now 30) used to suffer from anxiety episodes quite frequently. She has had remarkable results with a clinical hypnotherapist who both worked with her directly and taught her how to self-help with a combined method to really focus inward on her breathing, to sit back in a semi reclining position and use very soothing music along with meditation techniques. It sounds new-agey, but it's damned effective, at least for her, and she's been able to lose the meds now - five years without them. I don't know if you've explored anything like this. Most psychiatrists have a knee-jerk reaction to hand out a pill, and not focus on helping you self-soothe nearly as much. Just my two-cents' worth.

The Bipolar Diva May 7, 2012 at 9:14 PM  

Thanks Phil. I'll certainly look into it. Anything is better than having o rely on medications. It's just the situation in my life right now is so uncertain and it's wearing on me.

Celia M. May 9, 2012 at 4:37 AM  

Oh my friend... I know you have gotten through this as I've been catching up on your posts. I know so well the feeling of needing to calm the mind ... been experiencing it (hence my absence from BlogLand)... I'm transitioning from one med to an other ...and you know that is always a "thrill" .. but since the one I was on is no longer working it's time to try something new. So, in trying to calm my mind and breathing I ended up taking my new prescribed combination... but since it wasn't working I added and extra couple of dosages of the old one ... well hubby was not impressed and made some calls ... and then it was off to emergency (via ambulance ~ he was getting me there, no matter what..) I was fine and was able to go home after all tests on heart , lungs, blood, and blood pressure came back ok ... but I did get a great night's sleep first in years!! ....

I just want to say that your openness inspires me to be more open about what I face ... so others know that they are not alone in what they are going through..blessings HHL

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