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Unimaginable

Thursday, May 24, 2012

The day started out gloriously. I sat in Starbucks chatting it up with my beautiful cousin as I sipped a latte and had some oatmeal. I had a list of things to get through since I'm leaving on a 2 and 1/2 week road trip to Texas on Sunday morning with my daughter Nikki. I was getting prepared to begin the "checking off the list" day and make dinner for my family.

Then I got the call. The call that informed me of something that will fundamentally change our family forever. For some reason it hit me exceptionally hard even though it doesn't really affect me personally per se, but it did affect me. It affected me because of the people involved. I took on their pain, their shock, their torment.

Jeff had to tell me several times before the words, the terrible words, sank in. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't think. All I could do was to cry, cry for my family and cry for what I thought at first had to be a horrible, horrible mistake, all had to be well, but it's not and it won't ever be again.

As Jeff's words slowly sank in I realized it was indeed real. It happened. The worst imaginable thing did happen. But still it wasn't real, not then, not now. But I've seen it. I've seen the news, I've seen the articles, I've seen the pictures.  I read the words, the unthinkable words, and I know that we've all been changed forever.

For some reason I went into crisis mode. The panic began and the anxiety was at an all time high. I had to call my psychiatrist to tell me what to do. I couldn't even fathom how to get through the panic and the anxiety that I've fought for so many decades.

He walked me through maximum dosages and tried his best to calm me. The meds calmed my physical symptoms, but my mind won't, it can't, stop.

My heart for my family is bleeding. Their lives have been sent on a path that no one could have ever imagined, that no one should have to endure.

In an instant things can change and your life can change forever. Love what you have while you have it. The future is never to be trusted. The unimaginable can happen.

 

25 comments:

jen May 24, 2012 at 10:02 PM  

Wish I knew what was happening so I could offer some support. Just know that God is real. And in the end, God is good.

The Bipolar Diva May 24, 2012 at 10:07 PM  

Thank you Jen. Your friendship means more to me than I can express.

Recovering Church Lady May 24, 2012 at 10:13 PM  

I am so sorry Teri, one thing after another sometimes. Praying hard for you and yours.

Rob-bear May 24, 2012 at 10:20 PM  

How terrible! So bad you could't tell us. That has to be bad.

We will love you through this, just like everything else that has happened. (We are pretty good at doing this with you.; you have way too many catastrophes.)

Blessings and Bear hugs.

The Bipolar Diva May 24, 2012 at 10:24 PM  

all I can say is thank you. I am so blessed to have such wonderful friends.

Andrea L May 25, 2012 at 3:40 AM  

Oh Teri, I am so sorry for whatever you and your family are dealing with. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers...

angel shrout May 25, 2012 at 3:57 AM  

sweetie I don't know what is going on, but for every test is a testimony. Your family is bound with love and ties that were formed from the minute you opened your arms and heart to adopt those kids. Those bonds though invisible are stronger then you could have ever imagined. Like I told you before, God has got something MAJOR planned for your family or you wouldn't be under such attack. I know you are stronger then you give yourself credit for, and so are those babies, after all they have you as their mother. Praying for ya'll and sending you all my love..

YeamieWaffles May 25, 2012 at 3:59 AM  

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this Diva, here's hoping that it's maybe not as bad as it initially sounded to you and if it isn't then that things will improve as quickly as possible, we're all here for you.

Carrie May 25, 2012 at 5:12 AM  

Praying for you and your family, you know how to reach me if you need me!!! <3

MarkD60 May 25, 2012 at 5:41 AM  

No one knows what the future will bring, that's why it's a mystery.
Nobody can change the past, that's why its history.
All we have is now. Now is a gift. That's why we call it The Present.

Princess Kate May 25, 2012 at 5:55 AM  

I don't know you but reading your blog it seems you can take on anything. You are a strong woman I can sense that in your writings. Look whatever it is in the eyes and tackle it little by little until it falls the way you want it to fall. Best of luck with whatever it is but know we are all here to support you when you need it.

Furry Bottoms May 25, 2012 at 9:47 AM  

I hope it doesn't have to do with your brother. Praying for you Teri, whatever it is that has happened. You are a good soul, to be so affected by it for others more involved. I'm glad to know you.

The Bipolar Diva May 25, 2012 at 10:00 AM  

Thank you everyone. I just ask that you keep my family in your prayers. You all are wonderful and I treasure you.

middle child May 25, 2012 at 10:36 AM  

I pray for you and your family as well as all those involved. And I pray that while you may not ever understand the reasoning, at least you might be able to accept it.

Dazee Dreamer May 25, 2012 at 6:06 PM  

You are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm here if you need me.

Dazee Dreamer May 25, 2012 at 6:07 PM  

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

From Tracie May 25, 2012 at 8:13 PM  

I'm so sorry this thing is happening. I don't know the details, but I do know that God knows every one - and I am praying for you and for your family.

Snowbrush May 26, 2012 at 12:00 AM  

I'm very sorry, Diva. I'll stay tuned.

Phil May 26, 2012 at 8:08 AM  

Teri,

I am so sorry to hear that you are in such a way, and that something so terrible, not yet totally revealed to us is causing you and your dear family such pain and angst. I wish there was more I could say or do, other than to let you know I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers while you find the strength to endure through this most difficult time.

Reach out and hold on to your friends, for it seems to me you have many, and use them for your support.

You are tough as leather - life may strike at you, bend you around, and tug and pull at you, but like the leather, you are flexible and strong. Keep reminding yourself of that strength Teri.

Stay strong!

Phil

myinnerchick.com May 26, 2012 at 10:14 AM  

--Thinking about you & sending your love love love.

I am saying a prayer this moment.

Xx

Miss C May 27, 2012 at 2:33 PM  

I'm sorry for whatever happened. I will say a prayer for you and your family.

Miss C May 27, 2012 at 2:33 PM  

I am sorry for whatever happened. I will pray for you and your family.

Mad Mind May 27, 2012 at 4:57 PM  

It's so hard to comprehend why we all have to go through what we do. It's even harder to deal or cope with them.

You are in my prayers as I can't imagine what you must be dealing with emotionally. Try to remember it will work out the way it needs to. You will be okay. It will be tough but so are you.

Nolie May 28, 2012 at 3:32 PM  

This does not sound good at all. Sending hugs and anything else you may need. Email me and hang in there.

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