Sunday, June 10, 2012
The DVR remote is an amazing thing you know. Who knew that fast forwarding through endless commercials would give a person such a sense of power? I need that power these days since everything in my life seems to be out of my control.
I hate the feeling of being out of control, not being able to "fix" things, not being able to say the right thing and of being accused of all things terrible.....that's a whole other story not to be told here, but rather in the confines of my therapist's office. Good God! I'm sounding like a Happy Valley Mom now! Go ahead, read it if you haven't and I'll wait for your return.
Truth is I'm between therapists. I have a new one that I'm interviewing next week, I wish it was this week. God, how I wish it was this week.
I'm totally going to interview him. Therapists always think they have the upper hand, well this one is in for a surprise. Tables will be turned. Not only does he need to be an expert in Bipolar Disorder and PTSD, he also needs to be an expert in large, dramatic families.
I'm gathering my questions now. Oh I filled out his paperwork. It makes me laugh thinking about it. Just about every box in the three pages of questions is checked. There are comments everywhere. I'll study his face as he reads my extensive history and I'll be chuckling inside. He's gonna think I'm nuts, hell I am nuts.
But I'll be studying his body language while he familiarizes himself with my answers and when he turns to speak...POW....I'll pounce. I don't have the time, the will power or the patience to train another therapist. He's going to have to have answers to my questions, good answers, not the well rehearsed psycho-babble answers. And he damned well not look like a deer in the head lights. Well that might be too much to ask, since even I would have that look after seeing my answers and hearing my questions.
So while I sit her fantasizing about controlling that first meeting with the new therapist I'm going to exert the only power I have at the moment; I'm going to fast forward through every damned commercial there is tonight.