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Power

Sunday, June 10, 2012

I have nothing profound tonight. I think all things profound left me about two xanax ago. What I'm left with is a racing heart and the remote control to the DVR.

The DVR remote is an amazing thing you know. Who knew that fast forwarding through endless commercials would give a person such a sense of power? I need that power these days since everything in my life seems to be out of my control.

I hate the feeling of being out of control, not being able to "fix" things, not being able to say the right thing and of being accused of all things terrible.....that's a whole other story not to be told here, but rather in the confines of my therapist's office. Good God! I'm sounding like a Happy Valley Mom now! Go ahead, read it if you haven't and I'll wait for your return.

Truth is I'm between therapists. I have a new one that I'm interviewing next week, I wish it was this week. God, how I wish it was this week.

I'm totally going to interview him. Therapists always think they have the upper hand, well this one is in for a surprise. Tables will be turned. Not only does he need to be an expert in Bipolar Disorder and PTSD, he also needs to be an expert in large, dramatic families.

I'm gathering my questions now. Oh I filled out his paperwork. It makes me laugh thinking about it. Just about every box in the three pages of questions is checked. There are comments everywhere. I'll study his face as he reads my extensive history and I'll be chuckling inside. He's gonna think I'm nuts, hell I am nuts.

But I'll be studying his body language while he familiarizes himself with my answers and when he turns to speak...POW....I'll pounce. I don't have the time, the will power or the patience to train another therapist. He's going to have to have answers to my questions, good answers, not the well rehearsed psycho-babble answers. And he damned well not look like a deer in the head lights. Well that might be too much to ask, since even I would have that look after seeing my answers and hearing my questions.

So while I sit her fantasizing about controlling that first meeting with the new therapist I'm going to exert the only power I have at the moment; I'm going to fast forward through every damned commercial there is tonight.





7 comments:

angel shrout June 10, 2012 at 11:45 PM  

I think you should have every right to interview them. After all you have to trust them with your innermost secrets and that is pretty important stuff to just toss out there to anyone. Good luck hun..

YeamieWaffles June 11, 2012 at 2:20 AM  

My therapist thinks that the main reason why I do obsessive compulsive rituals at night is because I feel powerless and out of control in my life so I find other ways to keep that control. I think it's true and this post is something I can relate to. Best of luck with the interview Diva, please let us know how it goes if you can.

jen June 11, 2012 at 6:15 AM  

I've lost control of my life right now as well, and it's not the DVR that brings me control. It's clean closets, drawers, rooms, and bags to donate to charity. If my environment is clean, how can my mind be such a mess?

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell June 11, 2012 at 7:47 AM  

I hope you find the one who is right for you. It's important!

Recovering Church Lady June 11, 2012 at 11:08 AM  

Why do I feel sorry for him? Ha! But I think you have the right approach, otherwise it is a waste of your time and money. Be strong!

Tami June 11, 2012 at 6:27 PM  

I feel sorry for your potentially new therapist! I hope he lives up to your expectations. Good Luck!!

Mad Mind June 13, 2012 at 8:29 PM  

When i have to have a serious conversation with someone likr a Dr. That conversation runs through my head a hundred times before it actually occurs. Go get 'em!

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