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What The Hell Was I Thinking?

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

The last few days have been strange ones for sure. I've been off kilter and out of sorts. Is that redundant? Well at this moment I don't really give a shit. I've done, and said, things I never should have and usually wouldn't have. I guess it was a weak moment(s). There's been a reason for my weak moments, and that's been a Diva denied. I don't do that well. Yeah, I know, you're all nodding your heads in agreement. You know me well. There's something I want that I can't have and it's really messing with me. Spoiled? You know it!

My usually composed and held together self has been anything but. Maybe it's the season. I really, strongly dislike this time of year. Especially today when I'm sitting in Starbucks and it's freaking snowing! I hate snow! And I no longer have a SUV, I have a car. I haven't been without a SUV in decades, so I'm not so sure how my car will handle in the snow. That kinda freaks me out (Reaching for Xanax). Now, does the period come before or after the parenthesis? Again, whatever.

Yesterday for some reason known only to Mary, Joseph and Jesus I let my guard down and told this new therapist guy all sorts of stuff. What in the hell was I thinking? Yes, I know, you're supposed to tell therapists your innermost, darkest thoughts so everything can seemingly get worked out, right? Yeah, bullshit. I'm not falling for that anymore. As a matter of fact I think I'll just save my money and use my phone minutes. The Green Eyed Brat has better advice than some PhD. Cynical? Maybe, but we all know it's true. Besides, aren't therapists the trendy thing to have? Well, I sure as hell don't do trendy, I try to stick to the classics, you know, like Louis Vuitton. Which reminds me, my Louis has a cut in it. Time for a new one? Not until another contract is signed for sure. I know, I'm off track again...shoot me.

Now my psychiatrist, he's the real deal. He's awesome. He lets me have my way, which I very much like, but keeps me within certain parameters, which I also like. I feel safe and secure under his care. But I really think I need a re-evaluation as to my diagnosis, even though I'm pretty comfortable with it (especially since it's the mildest form and I don't have to deal with the shit that others worse off than I  have to deal with). I'm seeing more effects of PTSD than anything else. That kind of makes me laugh for some reason. Isn't PTSD trendy as well? And as a good friend says, that happens to be a doctor, my main diagnosis is the ADD of the day, way over diagnosed and an easy out. Plus a way to make money I'm sure. I'm certain it's a pharmaceutical and governmental conspiracy! 

Am I a conspiracy theorist? Some would say yes, especially those on the left. But the way I see it, I'm just a realist. An armed realist, so the left really dislike me.

See what I mean about being off kilter? I'm sure none of this is making sense and is all out of whack. But just tell me you're with me, humor me, make me feel better.

Last night was a total cluster. Yeah, it was that bad. Details not needed at this time, they will come at a later date, I'm sure another weak moment will befall me and I may, or may not, speak of it, but it will leak out and become the talk of the neighborhood.

And as long as I'm all over the place, will someone PLEASE send another follower my way? This 666 shit is freaking me out. I have thousands of followers by email, so that's cool, but 666 on Google Friend Connect and the end of the world coming this soon? Not sure I can handle both, not sure there's enough Xanax in the world to help me deal with that. 

Now my coffee is cold, my donut is half-eaten, as usual, so I guess I should wrap this up and get on with my day. I have things to conquer, plus it's massage day. I'm off to try to find a way to bring a little more order to my world and a little more control to my mouth, my emotions and my texting.

Oh, and I'm down ten pounds again. What's up with that? At least that's something that's out of my control that I'll just take and not question.

Peace out,



Snowbrush December 18, 2012 at 1:19 PM  

666? Ha! I love it. Even if you get one, you don't know but what you might lose another. You could also get rid of one, but then you probably just gain another, so I guess you're doomed.

Outcast December 18, 2012 at 3:31 PM  

Sorry to hear that you changed your mind about the therapist although it's certainly understandable. Sorry to hear you've been feeling out of focus recently too, hopefully that fades soon.

The Bipolar Diva December 18, 2012 at 6:31 PM  

Thanks Yeamie, I've most certainly been out of balance and not myself. It's as this alien has invaded my mind. Crazy.

Unknown December 18, 2012 at 8:50 PM  

There you go......667......Love ya ;)

middle child December 18, 2012 at 8:52 PM  

OMG! I love you enough that I was going to offer to quit following you so that you wouldn't have that666 deal. Yes, it would have killed me but..for you? Anything. Fortunately I see you have gained another follower. Praise God!

The Bipolar Diva December 18, 2012 at 9:03 PM  

MIKE! thank you! How can I not love a guy that sold me three motorcycles and got me out of Satan's den of numbers?

The Bipolar Diva December 18, 2012 at 9:03 PM  

Middle Child; I'm so glad you didn't! I love you!

Rob-bear December 18, 2012 at 9:56 PM  

Here I was thinking (kinda like Snow) that I should bail out, and leave you feeling safer at 665. Then when someone joined and became 666, I could hop back in and make you 667.

You see what happens to a Bear's brain when he doesn't hibernate?

Conspiracy theory? You can dream one up anytime you want. Pick a few facts, and ignore a whole bunch more facts, and you've got it!

Hope you're feeling much better!

MarkD60 December 19, 2012 at 6:19 AM  

Can I have the half-a-doughnut if you're not going to finish it?

The Bipolar Diva December 19, 2012 at 9:22 AM  

Rob, you can't leave me! And facts? I look at facts, all of them :)

mary i December 20, 2012 at 7:16 AM  

ok here i am #668 Have a good day.

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