Sunday, April 29, 2012
It's difficult to describe, this feeling I have.
It's a feeling of being totally off the path in my life. It's an incredible burden and overshadows every move I make.
I know some of it is work and the economy. The normal worry of financial and family matters play into it, but this is more than that. This is complete darkness and fear.
It's not bipolar, it's not depression. My anxiety level is high and almost uncontrollable. I feel alone and separated from the people I love and those that love me.
The shadow that has fallen over me is suffocating. It's sucking the oxygen from my body and the energy from my soul.
The light has been hidden and the road to freedom blocked. I'm unable to see, or sense the future and am paralyzed by the past.
The bondage from this sensation controls me and my actions, it guides my steps and chains my thoughts.
It makes me want to hide from the world, to shrink away and disappear.
I wish I could put my finger on it, I wish I could control it and not allow it to control me. But I can't, not yet.