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The Advantage of Alcohol

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

One very bad Mojito, and a Cosmo after, made for a very relaxing evening.

The Cosmos could have kept coming, after all I had a driver, but for some reason I decided remaining a tad bit sober would be best, especially since I was the only one of the four of us drinking. It was just one of those nights I needed to get my drink on. I could have stayed all night.

I don't drink often and usually when I do I only have one or two, but tonight, tonight I could have imbibed the night away.

Dinner with friends, laughter, good food and alcohol can take your mind off of the most tragic of situations. It did and it felt damn good.

I saw my therapist this afternoon and told him the entire, sordid story....yes, I left some parts out of my last two posts for various reasons. He asked what I did to get through the turmoil of the past few days and I told him I wrote, I cried and I relied on Valium to take the edge off. He seemed pleased.

He did, however, give me one sound bit of advice this afternoon. I told him there are people I thought were close to me that have made no phone calls, no texts, no semblance of caring and that it hurt, but the hurt was good. It made me realize just where our relationships stand. I've craved their acceptance for quite sometime now and it has come increasingly clear to me that it just won't happen.

His exact words to me, "Screw them." I think those two words alone were worth the price of the co-pay and something I need to consider.

The hour today flew by. I think mostly it was filled with my venting and outrage at the situations that have occurred in the last 72 hours (and some that haven't), and my realizing my lack of control over something I very much want to control.

I have to give it up and realize that the choices that were made were the best ones for the majority, and that I was not the one that forced my hand, that drew a line in the sand, and that was responsible for the makings of a very unpeaceful and dangerous situation.

The pain remains, but I'm more peaceful with it all. But that peace comes with the high price tag of guilt. Guilt will do no good and will only obscure my clarity, which is very much needed at this time.

Yes, clarity is needed, and clarity I shall seek.



Kristy January 3, 2013 at 12:55 AM  

I really do believe you made the right choice. I hope you can not be riddled with guilt. I also hope you get the support you deserve.

Angelwithatwist January 3, 2013 at 3:23 AM  

I am thrilled he told you exactly what you needed to hear, reinforcing what you already knew but needed someone who was outside to tell you. I know how hard it sucks when those you thought you could count on, you can't. Trust me I know all too well. Sending you love and hugs.

Red Shoes January 3, 2013 at 5:53 AM  

I recently had to give the commencement address at Alluvial Flood Plain State University... and one of the bits of advice that I gave to the students was that they should pay attention to their friends... and special attention to those who are there for you when the wheels come off in your Life, for those are your real friends.

I fear I have quite a few that are so-called 'fair weather' friends...

I hope things are slowly improving...


MarkD60 January 3, 2013 at 6:11 AM  

Yeah, you're doing good. No matter what you think.

Outcast January 3, 2013 at 9:01 AM  

No wonder your therapist was pleased Diva, all of us are impressed and proud of you for the wonderful effort and commitment you have shown getting over what's happened, hopefully things get better with or without a little alcohol.

Karli January 3, 2013 at 10:34 AM  

For me, at least, one of the hardest things about going through tough times is actually realizing who wasn't there for you. It's almost as if them just not wanting to get involved takes priority over them caring and sincerely wanting to be there for you. It really sucks, but you're right, it shows you who in your life truly loves and cares for you. I love you, Mom. Keep up the writing!

Unknown January 5, 2013 at 1:18 PM  

Stand strong my friend.. stand strong

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