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The Void

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Jane Currin Jewelry, NW 23rd, Portland
It's just not happening, and hasn't for quite some time. Shopping, you see, for me was an addiction, a symptom, they say, of bipolar disorder. It's been under control now for several years, but that doesn't take the overwhelming urge away.

It didn't used to matter, if I had the money or not, I'd shop all the time. I couldn't wait for UPS to show up at the door, or for an underpaid cashier to run my credit card at Nordstrom, at Louis Vuitton or even at some little boutique shop on NW 23rd. Shopping was kind of like a full time job, as my closet attests. Which reminds me, now that we're one bedroom free of a child, the bedroom that connects to my closet, it may be the perfect time to tear down that connecting wall and greatly enlarge my closet! Or is that a form of shopping? Maybe I should have the sledge hammer hidden.

I've stopped one of my medications recently and I can feel the urge to shop returning, although my Lamictal, a mood stabilizer, is reining me in, maybe years of therapy has helped some as well. So I'm looking all around the internet, just not clicking "purchase." I can even fill my virtual shopping cart to the brim then just exit the site. Which is a damn good thing since economically things haven't been the best for the past four years. The business seems to be picking up but between Jeff's neck surgery and a client that is failing to return emails, phone calls or texts (his bill is over due) things are tight, extremely tight. Thank goodness for returning clients and excellent client referrals!

So for now I will vow to stay out of the stores and to not click "purchase" online.

Biting my lip, 


 

9 comments:

Andrea L January 23, 2013 at 1:31 AM  

This is one of the things I truly understand! I've gotten much better, but years ago, just before I was first diagnosed, I managed to put our young family in pretty good debt, buying 'nothing'... It didn't matter what I was buying, but it was all small things (usually kid stuff!)... As long as I was 'getting a great deal' I just couldn't pass it up! Over the years, with my meds (and I'm sure changes I have gone through), I can manage to control it a bit more, although I also don't get the pleasure out of shopping I used to, but I still love to get a bargain, and hate paying full price for anything (still my high I guess!)

YeamieWaffles January 23, 2013 at 2:06 AM  

I've found that that tends to be the problem when it comes to online shopping Diva. If you look then temptation comes to press buy like you say but I guess it is important to kind of curb our spendings, I know what it's like to get an idea into our heads and just go all out. Before I was being treated for bipolar I once spent 70 pounds on a big wooden carved out lizard which I've not so much as looked at since I bought it haha, thankfully those days are behind me, well at least for now they are.

MarkD60 January 23, 2013 at 5:57 AM  

I remember you like shopping for lingerie. That's Ok in my book!

middle child January 23, 2013 at 9:24 PM  

Tell me what medication you quit that was controlling your shopping. Seriously. It comes and goes. But whenever Chuck is gone and/or I am super depressed...I hit the thrift stores. (Ceased having the money to shop Carson's and Fields quite awhile ago.)
I do think using that bedroom as a closet would be awesome, as long as you don't have to purchase things to fill it. I can just imagine it in my mind especially since my rooms are overflowing with shoes, clothes, coats jewelry and purses laying on every surface including the beds and floor.Keep in mind that my closet is only about 4'x2'. Yes....seriously.

Rob-bear January 23, 2013 at 10:23 PM  

Compulsive shopping, or shopping on impulse, doesn't sound too great. I hope you can keep working your way through that.

The only void I have in my life is in the size and shape of a Standard Poodle.

Blessings and Bear hugs!

Love of the Sea January 25, 2013 at 7:57 PM  

I can relate. I spend almost all my free time shopping...and really have to focus on keeping it under control. Its an obsession...and crazy since I buy the same stuff over and over again.

Lisa January 27, 2013 at 1:20 AM  

THAT'S AWESOME!!! I understand how hard it is to control impulses, especially when it's just so easy to go back to old behaviors...

thus- very very proud.

Stay strong!!!

xoxo
-Lisa

Big Pappi January 28, 2013 at 7:29 PM  

Well I guess thats a good thing!

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