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No, Pink Floyd Didn't Assist

Monday, March 25, 2013

I’ve done it! Really I did! And oh am I feeling the effects. I’ve hit the wall, and not with the help of Pink Floyd.

The hypo-mania, that visits from time to time, always seems to come with a bit of a crash. Today, it is here. Not as bad as times before, but definitely here. However, maybe that’s not what it is. I’ve been working non-stop on an insurance issue, some contract irritants with a new company, a few family things, and a myriad of other little annoyances that seemed to have cropped up along the way.

Tonight I totally crashed. Every noise was amplified, I didn’t want to be touched, I didn’t want to be spoken to, I didn’t want to do anything but go to my room, get in my bed and attempt to exist in solitude.

I kind of feel like a game of Jenga when that one piece has been removed that allows the rest to come tumbling down in a heaping mess.

It took every ounce of energy I had to make dinner and not use the cheese grater as a tool of torture. I kept it solely for the cheese. So I think I did pretty well. Everyone is still in one piece, there was no flesh in the Croque Monsieurs, and I, well, I am in bed. Accomplishment!

Everything’s quiet, but my heart is still racing, my breathing shallow and my jaw is clenched. I need to, want to, sleep, but I have a feeling it’s going to be difficult to do so tonight, well, I should say….more difficult than most nights.

I have to be careful what I ingest to help my decent into the much needed land of dreams and deep breathing. I have an, for me, early appointment tomorrow.

I’m meeting with a friend to see if she can help me understand my new camera. I think I should call it my “manic camera.” Impulse buy. Not even going to open the credit card bill, I’ll just pay it and no one will ever have to know. Except that "no one" is extremely detail oriented and notices every, single thing. Great for his job, and our clients, not so great for me.

Him, "That's new."

Me, "You're crazy."

Him, "You know I notice everything."

Me, "No shit! You're a man damn it! You're not supposed to notice every. little. thing. I. get."

Him, "Don't you like that I notice everything about you?"

Me, "Not really. I have to hide things for a REALLY long time before I can say that I bought them eons ago."

He called me when I was at Nordstrom yesterday. He asked me where I was and I hesitated a bit too long. He knew where I was. I swear he had a GPS system implanted in me while I slept one night.

"Teri, NO new lingerie! You must have $10,000 worth in your closet."

He takes all my fun. I put the lingerie back on the rack and pouted all the way to the car.

Back to meeting with my friend. I’m really looking forward to seeing her, even though she told me to wear “comfortable” shoes. I’m not really sure what those are. But she did narrow it down to “no stilettos.” There goes the outfit I had planned for tomorrow. I guess I need to search through my massive shoe collection and find a pair of, much neglected, Nikes.

(Nikes, I have this weird compulsion to be loyal to all of our Nike clients. All my work out gear, all my tennis shoes, everything is Nike.) 

I’m excited to see my friend though! I’m going to try to put work off for tomorrow, as much as I can, and attempt to calm my system. What’s funny is that I always felt like this before I was diagnosed and medicated. It was the norm. I never knew what they meant when they, being psychiatrists, asked if I felt as if I were being run by a motor. Now I know, and I don’t much care for it. I get a lot done, but I hate the crash, as does everyone that comes in contact with me when it happens.

Such is life, for me anyway.

Oh, and by the way, I'm really pissed with Louis Vuitton. I've been a loyal customer, bags, wallets, credit card holders, luggage....... One of my bags is beginning to crack. I took it in for them to look at and was told they have no warranty! What? You've got to be freaking kidding me? A company like that has no warranty? Total bullshit. 

If you find errors in this, grammatically, punctuation, whatever, just ignore them and we'll forget they every happened.

Dios me ayude.



Kimberly March 26, 2013 at 4:06 AM  

I've been lurking around here for a while....
Which sounds creepy...
Anyways, I'm on the downward spiral from hypomania. My crashes are hard. I experience the same sensations as you do. Everything, light, sound, touch is way too overwhelming. It's like a hangover magnified 100x.
People don't understand that.
Mine always ends with me getting paranoid.
It's the price we pay for fun I suppose.
I hope that you do have a smooth landing. Be good to yourself.

Anna Whiston-Donaldson March 26, 2013 at 6:59 AM  

I hope you managed to get an okay amount of sleep last night! xo

Tami March 26, 2013 at 8:26 AM  

I hate when days like that come around. I feel like I am crawling out of my skin. My family knows by now to walk the other way when I come into a room. :( Wish it wasn't that way.
Hang in there girl. This too will pass.

The Bipolar Diva March 26, 2013 at 9:36 AM  

Kimberly, hello! I think I feel ok today. No one here understands, the kids kind of get to give me space, my husband only get his feelings hurt, which only serves to make things worse. I can't take care of him when I can't even take care of myself. sigh.

The Bipolar Diva March 26, 2013 at 9:38 AM  

Oh Tami, ugh. I hate, for me, comes all at once. I just get hit out of no where. I feel better today though!

Outcast March 26, 2013 at 9:51 AM  

Hitting the wall doesn't sound good and I hope that you're feeling better today and getting even better as days go on. I'd much rather if we were going with the Pink Floyd theme that you were Feeling Comfortably Numb in all honesty, hope things improve!

The Bipolar Diva March 26, 2013 at 4:43 PM  

It's no fun to be sure, but to know how to handle it makes it all easier!

Rob-bear March 26, 2013 at 8:49 PM  

Hypomania; lack of energy and activity? Yeah, I felt like that all winter. But now I'm out of hibernation and trying to get going (so to speak).

Not that I want for me, or you, to have too many manic Mondays. Fortunately, this is Tuesday.

I hope you are feeling better after you visit your friend.

Blessings and Bear hugs.

The Bipolar Diva March 26, 2013 at 10:48 PM  

Thanks Rob. And I'm feeling much better, thank you. Lots of great surprises today, and the time with my friends was awesome and much needed!

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