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The Anticipated Pain

Monday, March 4, 2013

The anticipation of the first sting of the bundled needles is something that cannot be explained to someone that has not yet experienced its allure.

That anticipation is heightened when the distinctive sound of the machine signals its awakening. Waiting, with my breath held, is surreal and adrenaline surges through my body while I wait impatiently for that first light touch of the artist.

The feeling, along with the knowledge that ink is being injected beneath the first layer of my skin, is addicting.

For some, the art of tattooing is taboo, something only to be had by the lowest members of society, sailors, bikers, and the like. "No," they say time and time again, "you can't do that."

Well, yes, yes I can. We all have choices, and while I may make some another would not, they have made choices I would have not.

Although I have wondered, at times, if my longing for that distinctive feeling of the machine, the pain,  against my skin is somehow connected, in the recesses of my memory, to self destructive deeds of the distant past. Of that, I'm not sure, I can only speculate.

I only know that I eagerly await the date, the time, and the minute, that the man will apply the stencil he drew especially for me. He firmly rubs it against my body and then removes the paper, leaving a faint outline, for approval.

It's not yet real, not until the singing of the machine lyrically fills the air and the enticing pain is felt as the permanent ink is deposited, and I breathe deeply and settle in for the endurance of the project. 

There are times when a nerve is hit and I hold my breath, tighten my body and grimace, until the artist moves the machine, ever so slightly, to another position, another area. I sit in his chair for hours until the finishing touches are completed, and only then I'm able to see the finished piece of art, my art. It belongs to no one but me, and there will never be another one like it, the stencil is thrown away. The piece is unique, as am I.

For those that have words of scorn, I have no need. I am me, and I have confidence in who I am, and what I can accomplish with, or without, my embellishments.







My first, and probably last, un-coverable piece





 

24 comments:

Angelwithatwist March 5, 2013 at 4:05 AM  

I love it. I love tattoos I just am not ballsy enough to withstand the pain that comes with them.

MarkD60 March 5, 2013 at 6:25 AM  

I almost got tattooed when I was in the Navy, now, that everyone has them, I'm glad I didn't.

YeamieWaffles March 5, 2013 at 9:16 AM  

This is a great advertisement for getting tattoos for some reason, something that I needed because when I think about tattoos I constantly feel fear that it's going to hurt but these photos prove it's worth it completely, your tattoos are awesome Diva.

Jamie March 5, 2013 at 9:18 AM  

Teri,
My youngest daughter speaks of the love of that enticing pain. She has five tats, jonesing for another.
One can not understand your words till one gets inked.
Wear them proud as I know you do, and for all you've been through.
Those who judge you or your art can not hurt you. Their words carry little substance and are an extension of their own inner demons.

You. Are. Beautiful.
As is your art.

j

Recovering Church Lady March 5, 2013 at 10:55 AM  

Beautiful back-peice! My one little butterfly tattoo had me so scared, but the fear actually made it more fun! It felt adventurous and brave. I did worry that if I knew with the first touch that I could not handle it, what would happen to the ink in that first touch? I would have one little spot or line and nothing more! Ha!
But it was bearable and I would do it again.

The Bipolar Diva March 5, 2013 at 11:24 AM  

Mark, that's probably best, you're in the sun and sea water all the time

Becky March 5, 2013 at 11:46 AM  

I have always thought of getting one, I have occasions that could easily be marked with a tattoo. I think the fact that I can not decide on any one design for any significant amount of time says I don't need one yet.
My sister just got an amazing new one though.. http://sarahsana.wordpress.com/2013/02/11/hook-line-and-signature/

For her it's perfect.

The Bipolar Diva March 5, 2013 at 3:17 PM  

Becky, if you ever decide, you'll know what's right :)

myinnerchick.com March 5, 2013 at 3:19 PM  

G O R G E O U S!!

I love love love.

I shall be getting my first one this summer!

Xxxxx KISssss

The Bipolar Diva March 5, 2013 at 3:28 PM  

Thanks! Pics, Kim, we need pics!

Kristy March 5, 2013 at 4:15 PM  

Love it! Went today for 5 hours beginning my sleeve. Got my shoulder down to my elbow. It is additive. I have others also on my legs and other arm.

The Bipolar Diva March 5, 2013 at 4:48 PM  

Yes, Kristy, they most certainly are!

Andrea L March 5, 2013 at 8:46 PM  

Your tattoos are beautiful! I love the new one! I got addicted after my first one, and have 5 now, but want more. Even at 46, I have to listen to crap from my parents who hate them but guess what....I'm not done! lol

The Bipolar Diva March 5, 2013 at 9:13 PM  

Thank you Andrea. Yes, I have people as well that aren't thrilled, but, guess what? I'm 50, I think I'm entitled to make decisions about what I want.....and so are you :)

KansasSunflower March 6, 2013 at 4:40 AM  

Very pretty! I don't have any tattoos, but since I was in my 20's I've wanted one, a very simple one, I just haven't done it. I ring of yellow daisies or sunflowers around my second toe like a permanent toe ring. I don't even know if they do toe tattoos! Not very brave and probably no one would know it was there, but I would. : )

jen March 6, 2013 at 10:31 AM  

This post and the comments were extremely interesting to me. I am in the "no tattoo" camp--purely for selfish reasons--but I have always been curious what drives a person to get one. I hate having my hair be the same for very long, let alone wearing something on my skin forever. Is that not something that occurs to you--what if I get sick of this? Or what if I change my mind? Or what if the artist messes up?
These are questions I've always wanted to ask someone but didn't ever have the right forum.

The Bipolar Diva March 6, 2013 at 11:30 AM  

Kansas;

It seems to me that one on a toe would be so small that it might blur together, but I have seen them on feet before..

The Bipolar Diva March 6, 2013 at 11:36 AM  

Jen, with my very first one, when I was much younger, was horrible. I didn't do any research about the artist. I ended up having that one covered up. I watched people and looked at their tattoos. I always asked who did theirs and the more I asked, the more the same name came up. So I went and looked at his portfolio and waited some more and kept asking and his name kept coming up. So I decided to see what he could come up with to cover my ugly tattoo, and it was incredible. I didn't just go out and get these, I did a lot of looking, and asking, and reading before I chose what I got and who I chose to tattoo me. Too many people say, "oh, I got mine for free because my friend does it in his garage." WHAT'S up with that? There's no way I would even consider that. I totally understand your concerns.

Frazzled March 15, 2013 at 12:25 PM  

I love your tattoos....and I love min as well!! I too look forward to the needle...not 100% sure what the allure is but what I do know is the needle does take me back to my more "dangerous" days. Again thanks for the post!

The Bipolar Diva March 15, 2013 at 4:37 PM  

Frazzled, thank you so much! I already have my next one planned. I really think, that for me, it is a diversion from the harmful deeds for sure.

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