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Monday, September 29, 2014

It wasn't an accident, a happenstance, or meaningless incident.

It was much more.

It was serendipity, fate, predestined.

Nothing had been expected, sought, or wanted. 

But the stars illuminated the path to be taken. 

Day, weeks, months went by. 

As time passed, intensity grew, so did the realization that the timing was appointed by an Almighty Power, The One that holds the universe in His hands.

It was a meeting that had been planned in detail before we walked the Earth.

As the days, turned into weeks, fear crept in, fear of the haunting pasts of deeply embedded wounds, some still bleeding from years ago, some very fresh, others hardened scars. 

There came a time for distance, for thinking, for being certain.

The future had been known in the first days, but scars of old had not yet released the chains that had bound minds, and souls, had not yet been unlocked.

Those chains have been severed, and the keys to the future have been handed out.

Fear is an obstacle, not one from the Almighty, but implanted by the fallen one, the one that wants the union to fail, while the Appointed one knows the outcome. It was His plan all along.

The ties that now bind strengthen each day, and each day is one day closer to the years that lie ahead.

Words that had been spoken many months before, were actually prophecy, a word from the Heavens.

Words once scoffed upon, have proven accurate, the proof of those words, spoken so long ago, have come to fruition.

Change is scary, regret much worse.

I would rather be afraid and take the chance to grow, than live years in regret. 



Waiting Wolves

Saturday, September 13, 2014

They wait with the frothing mouths of wolves, blood staining their teeth, watching my every word with the intention of plotting my demise.

Every word I type is being taken as a word of implication, of participation, and confession.
My thoughts run rampant, but are not allowed to be shared, even though they have nothing to do with the situation at hand.

The words I type are tangled, and twisted, into meanings not intended, and used to impale my character, and to control me from afar.

My thoughts have no where to be land without spying, scrutiny, and surveillance.

Innocent ideas, tribulations, and feelings, cannot flow as before. Each written word, by myself, or others, only feeds into the craving of blood to be misconstrued by others with darkness covering their eyes, and falsehoods hindering their hearts.

The processing, the therapy, the encouragement, I once used this site for, have been interrupted.

I've written tongue in cheek for years, and currently, those posts are now stained with crimson droplets of blood that have fallen onto them from the sharpened fangs of those seeking what they call, "evidence."

One day, hopefully soon, the relentless frothing, hunting, and stalking will stop, and my life, my writing, will once more be seen for what it is, innocent thoughts, humorous posts, and even looks into my soul for answers, but, for now, that cannot happen. Wolves are at the door.

These words, of course, are only my opinions, not to be taken literally. They do not portray any individual, entity, or group.  


Behind The Dark Side Of The Moon

Thursday, September 4, 2014

It's been awhile, I know. Sometimes life gets in the way. Our passions must be set aside, and we have to ride the waves we encounter. We are pushed into survival mode, trying to stay afloat, gasping for air, as the under current does its best to pull us into a depth of which we cannot be rescued. While in that mode, tunnel vision prevails, and peripheral vision fades.

There are things you can change, things you can't, and things that take time for the sand to settle on the ocean floor, so that we can see though the murkiness of the thrashing waters.

Personally, things have been up and down, good and bad. However, it's in those times that are difficult, true friends, and family, are revealed. New relationships are formed, and toxic ones severed.

I've been amazed, and confused, by the number of people that have come up to me and told me things I didn't, couldn't, see until recently.

The first person totally took me by surprise. She was not really a friend, but an acquaintance, that has known me for several years. I've always loved her. She's beautiful, intelligent, honest, and obviously observant.

About two weeks ago I ran into her for the first time in ages. What she had to say to me was so unexpected that I could only stare at her in amazement. She was spot on. I asked her how she knew. She said she had watched me for years, and she saw through my bubbly, outgoing self, and deep into my reactions in certain situations. She said she recognized herself, in what she saw, years before. I think about her words, and discernment, everyday.  Now we have a bond, a trust, an understanding, that cannot be broken.

She was the tip of the iceberg. As things leaked out, through sources unknown, others followed suit, all with the same perspective. All have known me for years, and all had seen things I didn't want to admit to myself, until recently.

As they explained how they felt during their personal situations, they described my life, my actions, my feelings, in ways that awakened me, and validated what I had hidden deep within my soul all along.

Then more, although not having been through my situation personally, saw signs, actions, and reactions. They weren't in the murky waters, they clearly saw the grip of the under current I was in.

At first I felt incredibly foolish for not recognizing it myself, then the more I thought, the more I searched, the more clarity I gained. There was no way I could see it, I felt something, but I wasn't sure what it was. I didn't know where the core of the feelings came from. As I look back, everything makes more sense, the pieces of the puzzle have fallen into place.

Recent events have only magnified the reality of what I was told, things I have learned, actions I had taken, and the physical, and emotional scars that remain. 

Today, out of the blue, I received a message. At first I was afraid to read it, but I did. It was when I got to the second sentence, I lost all attempts of composure. I read the message time, and time again. With each reading, the tears fell more heavily, and soon turned into that cry. You know the one, the one where you can't catch your breath, you can't speak, and you shake uncontrollably. All of the tightly bound emotion was released, and continued throughout the day.

Relief flooded my spirit, and my soul. Instead of defending, and fighting, for myself, another person was behind me, fighting for me, defending me, pulling me out of the depths of the swirling water that was swallowing me, and was doing so vigorously. 

The revelation has been bittersweet. There are people I dearly, unconditionally, love that have been pulled into the murkiness of the water I had been fighting. I can fully understand their mindset, it's the same I had when the waters had swallowed me. One day they will emerge, the dirtied water will be clear, and they will be stronger for what they are unknowingly being pulled into.

In the depths of night, on the shores of a vast ocean, only the dark side of the moon had been seen, but when the time was right, light fell upon the heavenly sphere, and the brightness of that light was reflected on the settled sand, illuminating paths not before seen.


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