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Dear John

Saturday, October 25, 2014

Dear John,

I love you. You've brought so much laughter and joy into my life since I met you. I hate to see you go, but the opportunity is too great for you to pass up.

Last night I went to the Goodbye Party for a member of our cast, John.

John's not only a member of the cast for our upcoming series, (that may, or may not, have something to do with a Biker Diva, Harleys, people, and journeys of many types) but he's also a dear friend.

I love getting texts from him. They always start out with, "Hey Blondie!!" I've never seen him any way but happy and smiling.

Last night was bittersweet. Knowing he's moving so far away is not something I like much, but I know we'll always be friends, and we will see him again. His happiness is the most important thing to me. No matter where life may lead him, he'll always be a part of our team.

Here's a bit of the fun with all the gang last night.

Ran into Brad, one of the guys that sold me my first Harley

Intense interrogation!

Lunch after our first shoot
I'll miss you John!



The Bipolar Diva: The Prayer Brought To Life

Sunday, October 12, 2014

The Bipolar Diva: The Prayer Brought To Life: I find it comforting, although through torrents of tears, how people that have made the choice to see through veiled eyes, that have yelled,...


The Prayer Brought To Life

I find it comforting, although through torrents of tears, how people that have made the choice to see through veiled eyes, that have yelled, screamed, and have believed many falsehoods, still find a way to attempt to to quench the never ending aching void in their hearts.

They watch my moves. Are they searching, reading, because their hearts know the reality of situations and they, themselves, feel the burning flames of unconditional love neither they, nor I, can deny?

I realize the anguish, and tears, flow freely on both ends of the spectrum. I cry, they cry, especially the hearts of those so small, understanding is beyond them at present.

It's also reassuring, and warming, to know they care enough to read, to watch, to know in their hearts, as I do in mine, the love between a mother and a child, and her children, will never die.

My part is to step back and wait. It's hard, but is the only way to make the day, the hour, the minute, knowing, they will, one day return to the unconditional love that cannot be broken between the mother and the child she carried for nine months, fought for, fought with, cried for, prayed for, and lived for.

I was thinking last night, tears flowing freely, and without cease, of gifts, acknowledgements of love from afar, that have no place to be sent, no address, no numbers, where my adoration, my never ending devotion, can be received, and realized in a tangible way.

Know, the answer to my deepest prayers, never a day goes by without you, and the small ones, in my mind, my heart, and my spirit. How can it? Your pictures surround me. My blood runs through your veins, and your love, confusion, and heartache, through mine.

I love you my child, my Princess, and those surrounding you. Our hearts are intertwined, and will be throughout eternity, of that I am certain, as are you. I know you cry, as do I, and how I wish I was there to hold you tightly, and wipe the tears from your beautiful green eyes, and the small eyes of those caught in a tornado.

Right now, a trip to Papa Hadyn's and a day watching movies in mommy's bed would be a dream come true. 

Unconditionally, forever and always,

Your Mom, your friend, and the piece of your heart neither you, nor I, can ignore.


Good To Be Out!

Saturday, October 11, 2014

It's been a long few months, trying to get work going, lots of thinking, and alone time, lots of a lot of things.

I was invited to go to a couple of events today and just didn't have the energy, but when The Enforcer texts and says, "answer your phone," I do and there were a ton of people yelling, "WHERE ARE YOU?" I had no choice.

I threw on some clothes, ran a brush through my hair, and did as asked, well as demanded....I jumped in the car and took off.

I'm so glad I did. I needed a night out with old friends, laughter, nothing heavy to think about, just eat, talk, and laugh. There were a lot of people I knew, a lot I didn't, and many I hadn't seen in a very long time.

Yes, The Enforcer knew what I needed, I'm not sure how he always seems to know things like that, but he does.

I fight him usually, he calls me Boss, but I think it's the other way around?

All around, a wonderful night with friends.

The Enforcer


Emotions, Excitement, and Exhaustion

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

With some personal turmoil, the last year or so, I feel that I'm being pulled in so many ways, down so many paths, all to try to survive, to make a living, to enjoy life.

Work has been so much fun, and this new project will be so very exciting, but it takes much energy, and there is no pay, yet. We're hoping for a great payout, but right now it's a crap shoot.

I do have some back up plans, one of which has already started, but then again, all the work to get it going, and no pay yet, is exhausting.

Then, there is a third, that I'm working on. I'm working for free now, to gain a resume, so I can dazzle those that delegate. 

None of the projects I can speak of in detail of yet, but I dream of the day I can.

My life is upside down, in one way, and on the fast track, in another way. There is no down time, no time to chill, to do nothing, and that is something I need right now.

I'm moving again, and packing has commenced. That, too, is kicking my butt. What do I take, what do I store?

Some of the items I was looking at were my grandmother's diamond encrusted watch, her jewelry, and my mother's wedding ring, her jewelry, and even my own. Those, to me, are the most important things, the most valued items, I have.

I cannot wait until the day I can give my granddaughter my mother's wedding ring, put it on her finger, and watch her eyes sparkle. It got me to thinking that I need to ensure those items go to her at the right time. When she's 18? 21? Or when she gets married? I know the time will present itself when it's right.

I look around my apartment, and there aren't many things here to pack really, but what to do with it all, where to put it, is always on my mind.

I was in a production meeting today, and so many things were decided. Then the door was shut, and advice given, good advice, and reassurance. But bottom line, we have a plan, dates scheduled, and it's all coming together!

It's been nearly a year in the working, and to see it come together is exciting. It has been a hurry up and wait thing, but we're in the final stages. A few things happened that changed our course, but I think it's for the better. It's exciting, scary, and I'm so ready to get to the finish line!

So much is happening, none of which I can really write about, yet, and not having the outlet of writing has been difficult. But with my personal life upside down, my possible careers exciting, and the future uncertain, I'm still making it, one step at a time.

I'm holding my head up, I refuse to speak with drama, or write libelous pieces. It's unfortunate that there are those that seem to froth at the mouth, for bits of gossip to turn into mountains of things so far from the truth, that they are alien, and so far from reality it's crazy. I refuse to do that.

I'm beginning to become surrounded by friends, real friends, that are emotionally supporting me right now. The true colors of people come out when there is difficulty, some put on blinders, and are so easily swayed by their ignorance, and others are non biased, and there to help.

I think I see a rainbow, a real rainbow.



The Un-Diva Biker Diva

Monday, October 6, 2014

Just a few, well, a lot, of pics of my non Biker Diva side!

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