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Sunday, June 25, 2017

Wow! That's the word that comes to mind, the only one, that aptly describes my existence, the transformation, the realizations, the whirl wind, of my life of late.

I'm still amazed I was placed in an environment where I was forced to rely upon myself, reflect, grow, and see things in a light I had not before been capable of.

Much has surfaced regarding many people in our lives, ourselves included. I made a conscience decision awhile back not to see the "silver lining" of painful events in my life, but rather to take them and glean what I was able, apply it to my life, be grateful for the lessons taught, and to attempt to see life, as much as possible, in a positive light.

Since making that decision I've been able to shed the bondage of the past and welcome the freedom of the future.  I am amazed, by that one decision, how much I have grown as a person, and how different my life now is. One conscience decision  changed the path of my entire journey.

My husband of nearly thirty years (we divorced and will shortly be remarried) and I have been bombarded with many things that several years ago would have sent me into a tailspin.

One major situation, an intense and deeply disturbing, health issue really made me step back and realize just how far I have come. My husband had to undergo emergency surgery. My daughter and I did what we felt right and contacted all we thought needed to know.

Who responded, who didn't respond, and who took the opportunity to reveal themselves, was incredible. It really opened both of our eyes, and it set us free.

Three phone calls especially would have sent me spiraling several years ago. My husband looked at me today, with his soft blue eyes, as we were discussing the way each individual had handled the situation and said, "Teri, I am amazed at how calm you were, how genuine you were, and how peaceful you now are. Had you gone through this 3-4 years ago you would have been a basket case." He was right.

I would have lost it but as each incident occurred it allowed me to see the changes in myself, and not get angry with the ones that chose less than acceptable means to express themselves at such a critical time. I was able to step out, not take any of it personally, but rather realize they, too, have made decisions, ones that, if they're not careful, will leave them stuck in the past unable to move forward.

How can I be angry with people that I once was like? To realize I didn't need the validation of any of them, that I know, my husband knows, what is now reality, lifted even more weight that I need not carry.

What my husband had to endure opened, and closed, many doors and put to rest any doubt I may have had as to the change I've experienced. My husband saw it, my daughter and son saw it, and most of all I didn't just see it, I felt it.

There were also wonderful, encouraging conversations with two of my step sons and our daughter in law. I cannot express how impressed I was, he was, with their willingness to trust their father, to speak with me, and with open hearts and minds, begin to see for themselves all that has occurred. That takes faith and guts that not many have. They have chosen not to leave in fear, but in faith.

My husband and I are free. We are free to choose to live in the present, not the past. We are free from condemnation from those unwilling to move forward. Most of all we are free to live the life we've always wanted, one with minimal drama, negativity, and strife and replace it with serenity, peace, and true joy.

We have chosen to move forward, not backward, to be happy and not bitter, and most of all not allow anyone to steal our joy. Those that choose to be on board we are ecstatic about, those that choose not to be have journeys of their own they must endure, to mature, to grow, to realize the difference in past and future, conviction and condemnation, fear and faith. Our sincere prayer is that they don't have to experience the pain my husband and I have had to face to come to this point. We also know only God knows what needs to be done to bring them to a place they can once again join our family.  That we ask, we ask for our, their, Creator, to do whatever it takes to set them free so that their shackles can also be removed, so they can live without fear, and with the freedom of anger and bitterness my husband and I now enjoy.



UncleGlen June 29, 2017 at 10:11 AM  

Whatever makes YOU happy Teri... :-)

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