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Not One Of The Most Eloquent Posts But One Of The Best

Thursday, May 3, 2018

DISCLAIMER: grammar, spelling, and punctuation, may be obliterated in this post.

It's been a long, somewhat draining, somewhat concerning, day that had some amazing moments.

I spent my day with doctors.

B/P: 120/62
HR: 72
Weight: -6 pounds

Referral to an ENT~SCORE! That means, hopefully, quelling the ocean between my ears, and perhaps ending the vertigo I've been dealing with, as well as the running eye and nose.

Referral to a Neurosurgeon~SCORE! That means spinal surgery and I wish I could have it done tomorrow.

Awesomeness all the way around!

Until she listened to my heart, then did an EKG, followed by another, "Just to double check."

After reading the EKG she said she didn't want me to worry but she was ordering a 24 hr a day monitoring system. It's called a Holter Monitor and is basically a continual EKG.

That's when I began to worry. With my husband, they knew what he has, sent him home....no monitor....and scheduled a procedure. No big deal with his procedure, well I mean nothing like open heart surgery. They're ablating an extra pathway that causes Wolff-Parkinson-White.

I'm, in no way, implying what is wrong with me is worse than what my husband has. It just hit me that I have to wear this monitor, for who knows how long and I'm not sure what they're looking for. With him, we all know what we're dealing with and there is a fix.

When she uttered the word "monitor," it threw back to when my first son, as a newborn, had to wear a monitor for a year for a life or death situation. Thankfully that monitor saved his life.

I wasn't being rational. I was, for a split second, hearing, "life or death." That fear, buried for so many years, of possibly having my son die, flooded my being. It was as if I was again hearing the doctors tell me what was happening to my son.

In reality, if it was that serious, she would have had me in the hospital.

So cool. Off to another doctor, my psychiatrist.

This doctor has seen me through the most horrible 10 years of my life. He knows me.

We talked about the pain we endured, the journey, the divorce, the lessons, the gains, the remarriage, and the realization we belong together.

He smiled, sat back in his chair, hands behind his head, looked me directly in the eye, and he said, "I can't tell you how very happy I am that you two found your way back. I'm very, very, happy. I've never seen you so happy, so confident, so peaceful."

Yes Doctor, my husband and I went through a decade of hell on earth and made it back. Our lives couldn't be better.

"I'm really happy."

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